Request Line: Pickin’ Apples

INT. GIANTS PRACTICE FACILITY – DAY

We follow from over the shoulder of a tall, strong, confident young man as he strides through a hallway in the Giants practice facility in East Rutherford, New Jersey. He pauses in front of the door, then hammers both his palms into it, causing the DOOR to FLY OPEN.

apple1

ODELL BECKHAM JR.: Eli!

ELI APPLE: [grinning] What’s up baby?

ODELL BECKHAM JR.: [good naturedly] I’m gonna light you up today!

ELI APPLE: Oh oh oh! We shall see!

 

eli-1

 

OLIVER VERNON: Mr. New York!

ELI APPLE: [mimes finger guns]

OLIVER VERNON: Ha ha ha!  Yeah!

 

eli-9

 

RASHAD JENNINGS: I’m coming round that corner, Apple!

ELI APPLE: I don’t think so, buddy, THIS GUY ME I CALL HIM DONALD TRUMP CAUSE I’M GONNA BUILD ME A WALL AND MAKE YOU PAY…[dances towards JENNINGS with his arms out wide, mirrors JENNINGS as he attempts to sidestep around him, then grabs him in a big hug and ruffles his hair]

RASHAD JENNINGS: [laughing] You’re all right, rookie.

 

eli-2

 

ELI APPLE: Hey guys, what time is it?  Could it be…FIVE O’CLOCK?

ELI APPLE proceeds to run through the defense’s section of the locker room with his hand raised in the air, and all the players raise their own to slap him high five as he passes, except for Jason Pierre-Paul, of course, who frowns.  ELI APPLE stops in front of him.

ELI APPLE: Come on, big daddy!  Whaddaya say?  Three-fifths compromise?

JASON PIERRE-PAUL cannot help himself, and he grudgingly smiles and gives ELI APPLE as much of a high five as he can.

 

eli-7

 

ELI MANNING: [internal monologue] I don’t understand it! Why is the stupid new kid getting all the attention?  I’m the guy who’s been with this team for twelve years. I’m the guy who led us to two Super Bowls. I’m the guy who’s out there every game, taking the big hits, playing hurt, putting the team on my back.  I’m the guy who kept his mouth shut when Old Man Coughlin found out about the homework-for-Pokemon scheme that Victor Cruz was running out of his locker.  Why is he so popular?

ELI APPLE: [approaches MANNING, holding out juice box] Here you go, Chief!  Gotta keep them energy levels up!

ELI MANNING: [internal monologue] You know what? Maybe this rookie isn’t so bad after all.

eli-5

 

This week’s theme: FRUIT!  And since Olivia isn’t watching, let’s throw in SUGAR as well!  Have at it, folks!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UgJ3115crnM

0 0 votes
Article Rating
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly
Law-abiding Raiders fan, pet owner, Los Angeles resident.
Subscribe
Notify of
96 Comments
Inline Feedbacks
View all comments
Don T

White Stripes – Apple Blossom
https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=y8gU1zhzJ2E

Low Commander of the Super Soldiers

Monty might kill us if this wasn’t included

R.E.M. – Orange Crush

Buddy Cole's Halftime Show

Just give JPP 40 acres and two mules and he’ll be cool.

Low Commander of the Super Soldiers

Coach Zimmer is a big fan of this, during the offseason.

Bob Marley and the Wailers – Guava Jelly (Green Door)

scotchnaut
nomonkeyfun

Bikini Kill-Candy
https://youtu.be/aQK40JentQI

ssi_bulldawg

The Flaming Lips – She Don’t Use Jelly
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cvfxKbpoxRE

ssi_bulldawg
nomonkeyfun

Def Leppard- Pour Some Sugar of Me

https://youtu.be/AQ4xwmZ6zi4

nomonkeyfun

And to double up on the 80’s hair metal

Warrant- Cherry Pie
https://youtu.be/OjyZKfdwlng

ArmedandHammered

The CARS – Candy-O

https://youtu.be/MxB8Z7GL6yc

ArmedandHammered

Archies – “Sugar Sugar” Maryanne video

https://youtu.be/64mAgL8G4-E

ArmedandHammered

Shows why she was always better than Ginger.

laserguru

This video is worth a viewing as well.

ArmedandHammered

No Sugar Tonight – The Guess Who

https://youtu.be/nPqT031SWT4

ArmedandHammered

Fiona Apple – Shadowboxer

https://youtu.be/QnXjISlKLuE

ArmedandHammered

Chuck Berry – Maybellene

https://youtu.be/75RiHJGfyUE

Chuck Berry – You Never Can Tell

https://youtu.be/RoDPPgWbfXY

laserguru

ArmedandHammered

Blind Melon – No Rain
https://youtu.be/3qVPNONdF58

ssi_bulldawg

My Blind Melon contribution – Venie
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Zq_Mtqm7rTA

Cuntler

A song so easy, even Michael Cera could play it!

laserguru

Echo and the Bunnymen – Lips Like Sugar

ArmedandHammered

Peaches & Herb – Shake Your Groove

https://youtu.be/4YV5jSuv_S0

laserguru

ArmedandHammered

Garbage – Cherry Lips

https://youtu.be/Cy1LdAaGASw

Cuntler

Candyman – Grateful Dead

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MEFPOqEmxHU

laserguru

Double shot!!

ArmedandHammered

The Electric Prunes – I Had Too Much To Dream Last Night

https://youtu.be/F-kVFfKezVo

ArmedandHammered

Bananarama – Venus

https://youtu.be/NkcU2_Vs7Xw

laserguru

ArmedandHammered

The sugar part –

Bow Wow Wow – I Want Candy

https://youtu.be/aMICD3aMZpw

Low Commander of the Super Soldiers

I like melons.

Low Commander of the Super Soldiers

Primus – Over the Electric Grapevine

Low Commander of the Super Soldiers

Strung Out – Rottin’ Apple

Low Commander of the Super Soldiers

My coworker would kill me for not including a PRINCE DOUBLE SHAWT:

Raspberry Beret:

Peach:

Cuntler

Yeah, you put that out there. What do I win?

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Tbgv8PkO9eo

Low Commander of the Super Soldiers

I’m not proud of this.

Cuntler

God, Warrant sucked.

Cherry Pie – Warrant

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OjyZKfdwlng

Cuntler

From the same album:

Cherry Bomb – The Runaways

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WNxKpYOOYvM

laserguru

For my money, pound for pound this is the greatest stripper music ever.

And still the most popular song in the greater Midwest.

Cuntler

White Stripes, Apple Blossom

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=y8gU1zhzJ2E

laserguru

Oh that’s good.

Cuntler

DOUBLE SHOT

Sugar Never Tasted So Good – White Stripes

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IOMHw_qigW0

Cuntler
Cuntler

Maybe this one:

The Beatles – Strawberry Fields Forever

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8UQK-UcRezE

Cuntler

My third would probably be this one. My Dad had this record growing up, and I remember my brother playing it a lot for some reason. I am sure yours is different.

Fats Domino – Blueberry Hill

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ek1P7GM33so

Cuntler

Peaches in Regalia – Phish

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=icsAghjLVuE

laserguru

You know who wrote the original don’t you?

Cuntler

ZAPPA!

(I actually think he is fine, albeit a bit of psychopath, it’s just his fanboys are the worst. This is the truest article the The Onion has ever written: http://www.theonion.com/article/frank-zappa-fan-thinks-you-just-havent-heard-the-r-4644. Please don’t spend the next three hours trying to convince me of his genius.)

Cuntler

I’d put this whole album on here

The Allman Brothers – Blue Sky (from Eat a Peach)

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wwyXQn9g40I

Low Commander of the Super Soldiers

SOUNDGARDEN DOUBLE SHAWT OF APPLE JACK:

Applebite:

Black Saturday:

laserguru

Low Commander of the Super Soldiers

You asked for this.

comment image

laserguru

laserguru
laserguru

Cuntler

How about some Tangerine with that Lemon?

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LyM4vxxu2jA