Whaddup, GenPop, how’s everyone doing today? It’s a beautiful winter day here in Cleveland. One that seems to have brought white out blizzard conditions, negative wind chills, and with that A SNOW DAY. Granted snow days are nowhere near as fun as an adult as they used to be while in school, it is still nice to wake up, check Waze, exclaim “FUCK THAT!”, fire off an email from your phone with the subject line “Nick WFH <EOM>”, and roll back over for some extra snooze. The only drawback is the very real threat of a caffeine overdose. I inevitably consume two to three times as many cups of coffee as I normally do when I WFH for reasons that are a complete mystery to me. Either way, I’m going to enjoy the fact that I get to chill and “work” from home today. Here’s the podcast of your dreams to listen to while you also “work” today:

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Talking about SNOW DAYS coupled with the recent announcement by the NFL heralding the addition of DODGEBALL to the slate of Pro Bowl activities (check out the Podcast to get more in depth discussion of this) got me to thinking about the school yard games that my friends and I would partake in during recess and whether or not the NFL would ever consider adopting them to be a part of Pro Bowel Weekend. Let’s take a look and see:

1. Red Rover
The Game: Pretty standard issue. Kids would line up in opposing lines facing one another and hold hands. Each team would take turns challenging a specific kid from the opposing team to sprint 10 yards and ram himself into the opposition in an attempt to break their opponents lines. I don’t remember what the consequences were for winning or losing but I DO remember always trying to call out kids that I couldn’t stand in class and trying to “deliver a blow” as coaches are fond of saying.

How would it work? Ok so I basically imagine this as the same game except exclusively with Offensive Linemen. Who wouldn’t want to see Marshal Yanda or Joe Thomas getting a 10 yard head of steam and absolutely PLOWING into Ryan Kalil and Zack Martin. Good thing this wasn’t instituted in years past because absolutely NOBODY would have wanted to mess with Willie Roaf for fear of getting a “Clothesline From Hell.” Anyway, this game would continue until everyone is called and the most line breaks would win.

First Pick: Tyron Smith. Dude is a MONSTER and with apologies to the incomparable Joe Thomas, Smith has been the best LT in football this season for my money.

Last Pick: Cam Erving. This guy is sponsored by www.rollerskatenation.com When the Browns design pass plays his designated blocking assignment is to help the QB up off the ground after (read: if) the pass has gotten off.

2. Extreme Tag
The Game: One person is “it” and possesses a football with which is designated the “it football.” His job is to peg as many of the other participants with the “it football” as he can in a period of 2 minutes. Each person takes a turn being “it”. Did I mentioned that the rest of the participants have access to a number of OTHER footballs they can use to peg whoever is “it” with? Cause they do. You take the number of tags made with the “it football” and subtract from it by the number of times the “it” person got pegged. Highest (aka the least negative) score wins.

How would it work? This one is a little trickier but I think it’s best purely as QBs game. Watching all the rest of the league’s QBs peg Tom Brady with footballs while he’s “it” alone would be worth it.

First Pick: Drew Brees, he’s accurate (71% completions), still athletic and able to scamper around, and ….he’s SHORT, a key element in limiting himself from being pegged.

Last Pick: Brock Osweiler. Motherfucker is 6’8″, lanky and flat footed on the run, and can’t hit the broad side of a fucking barn. Honorable mention to Robert Griffin III who is in possession of the lowest completion percentage of any QB in the league that’s attempted 50 or more passes (44%).

3. Kill the Carrier
The Game: This game was essentially rugby but without the rucking. There are two teams and one ball. The object is to score without passing the ball forward or blocking for your teammates. If you get tackled, the other team gets the ball. This game was merciless on blacktop and was inevitably banned by the Lunch Moms after the first or second day of school. Needless to say, it was everyone’s (read: my) favorite.

How would it work? This ACTUALLY happened in the Cleveland-Cincinnati game this past weekend on a blocked extra point attempt in the first quarter. The Browns defense kept the ball alive by throwing backwards passes and lateral and reversing field on a number of occasions. It was riveting! It was compelling! It was without question the most exciting :30 seconds of play that’s occurred within the confines of First Energy Stadium since the Browns beat the Patriots 34-14 in 2010 (some people don’t forget, Tom)!! We were watching the game with a family friend from England who remarked “What happened there that was amazing! That was so exciting! This game’s got some momentum!” The game promptly went to TV timeout. And people wonder why ratings are down…Anyway, I see the object as building teams consisting of players from any and all positions in order to assemble the most dynamic runners, tacklers, and athletes in pro football.

First Pick: Khalil Mack. In a game played by men, Mack makes the people around him look like little boys. He routinely runs circles around guys in the 4th Quarter of games which is a huge advantage and just imagine trying to tackle that guy. Scary.

Last Pick: Tony Romo. One hit and he’s done.

What are your thoughts, GenPop? Let us know in the comments!

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