Sexy Footy Sabado – Marcel Brands Edition

King Hippo

King Hippo

Reclusive, vulgar Broncos fan.Also a proud fookin’ Evertonian.Likely dropped on my head repeatedly as a small child.[Insert George Carlin quote followed by thoughtful nod.]
King Hippo

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Everton drew shit-ass Palace last week, while I was in Colorady.  Yes, I got up super early to watch.  No, I am not all angry about this.  Everton got an away point, despite being forced into TWO changes – Andre Gomes (see later) injured, then DM Morgan Schneiderlin sent off in the 75th minute.  Plus, we finally have a long-term plan in place.  And I love it.

Not every club is led by a Director of Football, but every modern club really should be.  Like with NFL coaching/GM duties – there just aren’t enough hours in the day to keep track of it all.  I’d say it’s even more so in Lesser Footy – as everyone in the entire fucking world plays it (and unless you are at one of the 10 or so mega-clubs, you need to scour the ends of the earth for talent).

Sexy fucker Marcel Brands is Everton’s DoF, courtesy of PSV Eindhoven.  While Brands was there, he had his club nosing ahead of Eye-Axe.  You know, that shock Champions League semifinalist of 2019.  He knows his shit, he doesn’t buy players just because they’re famous (good luck with Everton reject Steve Walsh, Man U. – you’re gonna need it), and he drives a hard bargain.  Most importantly, he has allowed the Toffee faithful to dream big again.  When the new Bramley Moore Dock stadium opens in 4-5 years?  Watch the fuck out.

Andre Gomes merits mentioning, too.  Just because he’s so fucking good looking.  Barca couldn’t stand this guy, and I have no idea how that could be.  He’s likely out for the home opener with an ankle knock.  But paired with holding midfielder Jean-Phillipe Gbamin (see header pic, with Brands), Everton will have the best-looking midfield two in the Premiership.  Get well, Andre!

Our good imaginary buddy Balls done got you covered on the matches – so Hippo keeps it short and sweet.  After Everton hosts the Moose Hornets in the 10a window (EST, NBC Gold), all eyes will turn to Spurs and City on big NBC.  Nobody in their right mind predicted Spurs any lower than 3rd position in the table – but Spurs are +739 to win, +423 to even draw.  That’s fucking bananacakes, but who is bold enough to wager against Pep’s Lesser Footy Machine?

Enjoy the action, everyone!

/ok, one for the gentlemen – Lauuuuura of the Everton women’s team:

***

Balls’ Piece O’ the Action

Some of you may have noticed that Barça  lost 0-1 to Athletic Bilbao at the San Mamés. Allow me to say a few things:

1- If you ever get a chance you attend a game at the San Mamés, do so. It’s an absolutely beautiful stadium and a great crowd.

2- If you ever get a chance to attend a game at the San Mamés and have the means to buy VIP tickets,  DO SO! The food and drink are all included and flow freely pre-,  during,  and post-match. It is delicious and worthy of the great Basque tradition of quality and innovation.

3- Messi wasn’t playing.

4- Even if Messi played,  it was going to be a tough game. Bilbao are a great home team and their crowd supports them greatly.

5- Anyone freaking out about the loss is not a true culé.  I halfway expected this result and know it’s a long season ahead.

6- I’m thinking everyone was prepping for Aste Nagusia:

Litre’s obscure team of the week – I am doing this because Hippo gambles on teams from anywhere.

WEEK 1 To Belarus!

BATE BORISOV

BATE is an acronym of Borisov Automobile and Tractor Electronics

Stadium: The creatively named Borisov Stadium. 

I have to admit it is a lot fancier than I had anticipated. When I think of Belarus I think of a poor man’s Romania. There has to be a reason for this futuristic design. Built in 2014, holds only 13K. I went to 4! sites to try and see why it looks like this but came up empty.

Obligatory ultras pic;

Located in Barysaw (pop 145K), BATE is hugely successful and are the only Belarussian club to make it to the Champions League Group stage. They won the domestic league last year and as a matter of fact have won the last 13 years. This year they’re in 2nd to Dinamo Brest (heh) but they have a game in hand. Their leading scorer is Maksim Skavysh who has 11 goals thus far this season and I have never heard of anyone on this team. Currently they’re in the early stages of the Europa League qualification and have a home and home against FC Astana coming up. You can get as good as 4 to 1 to win in Kazakhstan the 1st leg.

 

King Hippo
King Hippo
Reclusive, vulgar Broncos fan. Also a proud fookin' Evertonian. Likely dropped on my head repeatedly as a small child. [Insert George Carlin quote followed by thoughtful nod.]
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Dunstan
Dunstan

I did not anticipate that watching tennis would give me a dose of Cris Collinsworth every commercial break. (Damn Cincinnati Open!)

BrettFavresColonoscopy

I understand Australian footy so much more than this, I’m just never going to become a soccer guy

Buddy Cole's Halftime Show!
Buddy Cole's Halftime Show!

More awfulness from my job:

“Woo-ee-oo I feel just like Jeffrey Epstein
Oh-oh and you’re a twelve year old girl
I don’t care what the feds say about us anyway
I don’t care about that”

Buddy Cole's Halftime Show!
Buddy Cole's Halftime Show!

Also, Bilbao have never been relegated from Spanish top flight football. I believe it’s only them, Real, and Barca who have done so.

BATE should play at the Wankdorf imo

Sharkbait

City goal waved off in stoppage time vs. spurs. I feel like I’ve seen this movie before.

litre_cola

We chanted V-A-R at the pub

rockingdog
rockingdog

what the what?comment image

Sharkbait

Holy fuck. Did not need to see that.

rockingdog
rockingdog
Wakezilla

Hey Litre, if you haven’t already, you and Deci should check out Flying Squirrel. It’s a trampoline centre for kids. Toddlerzilla loves it and best of all, it tires them out

litre_cola

Will now look in to

Fronkenshteen

Kün(t) Aguero

scotchnaut

Poop. The Spurs were hanging on for dear life and now they’re level.

scotchnaut

Kevin The Broom could use a goal. It’s been awhile.

ballsofsteelandfury

He looks pissed at his teammates

scotchnaut

I’ll have you know that there’ll be an open thread for the 4pm Browns/Colts game because I don’t know why.

LemonJello
LemonJello

Is it because tWBS touches himself? I bet it is.

Senor Weaselo

Uh, always.

ballsofsteelandfury

Back from work. Just finished a breakfast burrito and I’m ready for a nap. I’ve got City-Spurs on in one TV and Valencia-Real Sociedad in the other. That light blue dress looks amazing on Rebecca’s Lowes.

scotchnaut

And Rebecca Home Depot-what is she wearing?

ballsofsteelandfury

Orange and black thong…
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scotchnaut

That is one choice apparatus.

Brick Meathook
Brick Meathook

Here is some of my mail I received this week:

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Buddy Cole's Halftime Show!
Buddy Cole's Halftime Show!

That Nat Geo better have tits inside

yeah right

Oh shit. Popeyes is now on Grubhub.

We’ll have our NFL Sundays delivered.

Senor Weaselo

I had to tell Senorita Weaselo a couple weeks ago that we weren’t getting Popeye’s delivered, we’re walking the three blocks. Of course it was 100 degrees out (felt like 115) so we waited for it to drop into the 90s.

litre_cola

This is damn entertaining.

Sharkbait

City looks like they’re using cheat codes.

litre_cola

At the pub and before it was even crossed half the Spurs fans were screaming back post.

Gratliff

Diving into the What We Do In the Shadows series. It’s very good so far, but I don’t know how much that is modified by my love of Matt Berry.

rockingdog
rockingdog

good show!

rockingdog
rockingdog

found a funny:
[first day as a urologist]
me: *talking into penis like a microphone* what brings you in today?

theeWeeBabySeamus

I witnessed a car accident this morning. Dude veered to the left (not sure if he was avoiding something or just fucked up) then over corrected to the right. And he rolled it right into a ditch. He was strapped in and conscious so I didn’t do anything but call 911. No need to get sued. Plus I was still half asleep meself.

And when I say he rolled it, I mean he rolled it.

comment image

But that shit will wake you up.

yeah right

How was his pickup?

theeWeeBabySeamus

Nissan Sentra.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Saddest part is the he was two cars in front of me. The car right ahead just kept going.

LemonJello
LemonJello

Sending thoughts and prayers to Cam…

Fronkenshteen

Oh hey! Ray Hudson is calling Cola’s action!

[pushes mute button completely through remote control]

Fronkenshteen

Welp, @10 min to go. Time for #pitchJets to shit the sheets.

Fronkenshteen

“WEST HAM WOOO!!!”

– Andy Reid; due east

Fronkenshteen

“Well that was short lived.”

– Andy Reid’s cardiologist

Fronkenshteen

The .500s should be amaze balls if they stay healthy. Am I wrong?

Fronkenshteen

Stripped of all its colo(u)rful characters, the current economic situation is completely normal: giant economic shitstorm caused by GOP about to crest just as the electorate pendulums over to the dems, who will prudently set the correct long term course for recovery. In about a decade, amnesia will set in within the electorate, and the GOP will come storming back with their same trickle-down bullshit, win, and loot the treasury again. Wash, rinse, repeat.

blaxabbath

Yep.

Plus being out of power really motivates white trash to get out and “rather be Russian…”

Personally, I would love the next admin to just straight up say, “Socialism for those who like socialism, little American flags for farmers.”

...

I don’t think the last Democratic administration “prudently set the correct long term course for recovery” so I don’t see them doing it if they manage to win.

Fronkenshteen

VAR saves Hammers apparently.

Fronkenshteen

What a save by Adrian!

/ sorry hippo

Fronkenshteen

Got French toast, scrambled eggs, bacon, strawberries and OJ in front of r kid. Little man is snoozling with mom, got the washer & dryer a-rumblin’, I’m coffee’d up & stoned to the bejeezus bells. Let’s watch some fuckin’ footy! Who’s got action?

litre_cola

I have been up since the early game with wee man. I too am coffee’d and stoned up. I have Celta Vigo to draw at home with Real. After yesterdays FCB debacle I hope the season is bananacakes.

Narrator: It is won’t be.

Fronkenshteen

which euro league has the most uncertainty?

litre_cola

Netherlands? Turkey? English Championship?

blaxabbath

This header image looks like a UK version of Pete Carroll and Russell Wilson.

Ian Scott McCormick

Finally started season 3 of GLOW. The first scene is so good.

litre_cola

Kate Nash is a double threat. I have seen her live shows a few times and she fucking wails. Then GLOW, who knew??

litre_cola

Fronkenshteen

Which gooner done scored?

litre_cola

Aubamayangadingdong I believe

litre_cola

Its so earrrlyyy.

ballsofsteelandfury

Yes, it is
And I have to work…

litre_cola

Dude, I am 0 for 6 in AFL tipping.

ballsofsteelandfury

I know! It’s actually kinda funny. Luckily for you, no one is ripping it up either.

litre_cola

I want the whole set of used fleshlights!

ballsofsteelandfury

You know it’s like Beetlejuice, right? You say it three times and it magically appears in your Post box…

litre_cola

This is where I fall apart. Won the Fifa ladies, leading the AFL, leading the CFL and now welcome to crumbletown.

theeWeeBabySeamus

It’s quite foggy at my house this morning.
Oh well.
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theeWeeBabySeamus

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