DFO Bible Stories: The Christmas Story

1When Mary was engaged to Joseph, but before they were married, an angel appeared to Mary and told her she would conceive a child. 2“How can this be,” replied Mary, “for I do not know man.”

Uh, yeah, me neither.
Uh, yeah, me neither.

3And the angel told Mary that she would conceive by the power of the Holy Spirit.

Damn, I should have tried that
Damn, I should have tried that “Holy Spirit” line. Would have saved me a shit-ton of child support.

4At that time a census was taken, so Joseph and Mary traveled to Bethlehem, because he was of the house of King David.

King, David
King, David

5And while they were there the time came for her baby to be born. 6And she gave birth to her child, a son, and laid him in a manger, because there was no room at the inn.

Yep, totally booked here. Filled to capacity, yes sir. Nothing left.
Yep, totally booked here. Filled to capacity, yes sir. No room left.

7About that time, some wise men arrived from the East.

8“Where is the newborn King of the Jews?” they asked. “We saw his star at its rising and have come to pay him homage.” 9King Herod was greatly disturbed by this.

Wait, how much
Wait, how much “homage” we talkin’ here?

10The wise men followed the star as it stopped over the place where the child was. 11When they entered the house and saw the child, they opened their treasure chests and gave him gifts of gold, frankincense, and myrrh.

Da fuq am I gonna do with this myrrh?

12They had been warned in a dream not to return to Herod, so they left in secret.

Sorry, Fozz

13Herod was furious when he realized the wise men had outwitted him. 14He sent soldiers out to kill all the young men in his kingdom.

O, he dead.
O, he dead.

 

Merry Christmas, everyone!

 

 

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montythisseemsstrangetome
Monty this seems strange to me The movies had that movie thing But nonsense has a welcome ring And heroes don’t come easy
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jjfozz

Well done, and worthy of many laughs. If they left on the Mayflower, they would have been the only Jews on that entire ship.

Guess who’s busting out this post at Christmas Eve dinner and sharing with my ultra Catholic mother in law?

Oh, I’m gone drank. (Of course, I’ll have to imbibe BEFORE I go there because they don’t ever have any beer or liquor. They have absolutely shitty fucking wine. It’s Reisling for the love of Boltman.

The Right Reverend Electric Mayhem

Try this. It’s actually really good reisling, which I normally consider a contradiction in terms. http://www.snooth.com/wines/red+newt+cellars+dry+riesling/

ThursdaySkyGoddess

Breesus wept.

Cuntler

“And, lo, the angel of the Lord came upon them, and the glory of the Lord shone round about them: and they were sore afraid. And the angel said unto them, ICE UP, SON!”

http://www.csnmidatlantic.com/sites/csnma/files/styles/article_hero_image/public/2016/12/21/screen_shot_2016-12-21_at_2.55.59_pm.png

LemonJello

Nailed it!

Unsurprised

*rimshot*

King Hippo

I laughed harder at this than I have in weeks. BRAVO!!

Unsurprised

I thought it was P*ts fans who were always on the cross.

LemonJello

Nah, they just act like they’re more persecuted than the Jews.

Curse of Marino

We all know Jesus is gonna celebrate Hanukkah anyway

jjfozz

Why? Jesus was Catholic.

Unsurprised

Also, I know Roger Goodell is a national disgrace and all, but this fury over “homage” for an unsigned “amateur” is totally Mark Emmert’s grift.

Unsurprised

After yesterday’s will Sill sighting, I can’t wait to see his response to this.

Sharkbait

Sill is back??

It’s a BLEERGHmas miracle!!

...

MERRY SILLMAS!

Sharkbait

Closest thing to church I’ve experienced in a while.