As we delve deeper and deeper into the postseason, we’re also going to be delving deeper and deeper into DFO’s mythological pantheon. This week, we’ll be taking a look at one of the most ephemeral creatures to make occasional appearances on the gridiron, the Romonculus.
Species Name: Romo Sapiens
Individual Names: Leon Lettucewin, Fumblesnapskin, others.
From: Thin air, and back again into thin air.
Descended from/Spawned by: Unknown, though legend suggests the trickster god DOINK was involved in their genesis.
Original habitat: Cabo San Lucas
Lifespan: Typically less than one second.
Height: 12 inches
Weight: Just enough to affect the flight of a football, never more.
Position: Provider of Cowboys schadenfreude.
Primary Ability: Pushing balls off course by a slight amount.
Secondary Ability: Ability to possess and control rare types of individuals and guide their actions.
Why are they in the news: Did you notice that Mason Crosby’s kick against the Cowboys two weeks seemed to change direction slightly? That was a Romonculus at work.
Likes: Field goal snaps, long passes, incomprehensible rules defining legal catches.
Dislikes: Cowboys victories.
Preferred Method of Worship: Screaming “WWWWWWAAAAAH-EEEEEY”
What scouts are saying:
- Force multiplier: small actions yield big results.
- Impressive change-of-direction skills.
- Breath of fresh air.
Immediate impact: Sadness for Cowboys fans, mirth and amusement for everyone else.
Down the road: Continued degeneration of Jerry Jones’ sanity (aided by Syphillisis, goddess of sexually transmitted football diseases).
[…] a woodland spirit known as a Romonculus! These little fellows are football’s equivalent of a “ghost in the machine,” […]
I had a number of reasons for wanting the Cowboys to win the Superb Owl. Besides the obvious fan-based desire, I love the idea of my namesake as well as Nachonia Buttfumblenius getting championship rings. Mostly because the typical response of someone seeing the accolade would be “Oh, they gave YOU one too? How thoughtful!”
A Heisman and a Super Bowl ring. Man, just imagine the kind of tail Sanchez could get at DFW-area high schools with those.
This is glorious.
I laughed way too hard at this
Immediate impact: Romnobyl fallout
Down the road: Dakashima Disasters
The Dakatomi Plaza
Dakatomi Plaza. That’s when Dak Prescott’s play calling is taken over by a gang of Ivy League and Texarkana trash, and only his inner, canny goodness can prevail.
Unrelated: My hurt when I woke up this morning, even though I had no booze at all last night. I’m going to have to rethink that whole “drink less” resolution – if I’m going to have a headache in the morning, it might as well be a hangover.
In the words of Dean Martin, “I’d hate to be a teetotaller. Imagine getting up in the morning and knowing that’s as good as you’re going to feel all day.”
DOINK YOU SAY?
Fumblesnapskin is fucking hilarious. Goes perfectly with JJ’s other nemesis, Fumbleforeskin.
http://oi62.tinypic.com/2ljrhp3.jpg
Anything that adds to JJ’s misery is worth my full and complete subservience. What exactly should I be sacrificing to these tiny beings?
Jessica Simpson?
Does silicon explode when exposed to open flame? Cause I’m doing these sacrifices old school.
Tell you what those early dudes in the Bible Times could throw one hell of a bbq. Imagine Andy Reid at a BBQ that featured an entire ox.
You mean Saturdays in Kansas City?
If you insist.
Country music played backwards tends to attract their favor.