2015 New York Jets or How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love the Genoception

Another year, another Jets season, another opportunity to build upon my budding alcoholism, let’s all get ready for the 2015 NFL season. In many ways, 2014 was an awful season to witness first-hand as a Jets fan. I had the misfortune of watching the bulk of the Jets games and no, dear friends, it was not a holly, jolly time. The 2014 Jets had the magical ability of cramming a decades-worth of soul crushing defeats one could expect from your generic run-of-the-mill franchise, into a single season. Shall we analyze in detail?

Losing by a combined three points to the most hated rival with that rival subsequently winning the Super Bowl (Yuck): Check

Being murder-raped by the Buffalo Bills twice, playing one game on a neutral field when the Bills essentially had no ability to practice the week before, and the other game featuring the starting QB completing more passes to the Bills than his own team: Check

Potential Game tying TD pass nullified because of a timeout called by a person who lack the authority to call said timeout: Check

It was a rough year. Rex got the axe after six seasons, but continues his blood vendetta against Belichick in Buffalo. I am starting to think Rex was the victim of a dark hex placed upon the Ryan family by Kevin Gilbride as retribution for the Buddy Punch. How else can one coach have El Shitbox as the primary QB for four years and Geno Smith for two years, sprinkle in some Tim Tebow and “I don’t give a shit” vintage Mike Vick, and immediately follows that up by going to a situation where his choice of QBs involves EJ Manuel and Matt Cassel? The man just strikes out when it comes to have a having a half-way decent QB. Also on the involuntary termination front, John Idzik’s bold strategy of “Doing Nothing” was not the staggering success he envisioned.

So much for 2014, now onward to 2015! Hope is the first step on the road to disappointment.

The Jets had a rather competent offseason, hiring one of the more-well regarded coaching prospects. They were also able to sign back Revis and Cromartie; obtained a few more offensive weapons, and were able to snag the possibly the most talented player in the draft. Even with Sheldon Richardson playing Suspension Bingo (he just needs “punch a cancer ridden six-year old” and “openly carry a loaded M-4 Rifle in broad daylight down Broadway” to win), the D-Line is highly formidable. A quick aside about picking another Defensive Lineman high in the draft despite the weak offense, while I realize that the modern NFL has defanged defense significantly and is essentially a pass happy league predicated upon building offenses first and foremost, the increased possibility of a crippled Tom Brady still earns the pick with my blessing. The linebacking corps is still solid, if not aging. The secondary is rebuilt, with the return of the NFL’s most successful mercenary and multi-women impregnating tandem.

On offense, we brought in Brandon Marshall, and boy, I cannot wait for him and Geno to have some hissy-fits this season. The run game should be stout, but the O-Line is starting to get a bit long in the tooth.

I think that covers it all, nothing else to discuss.

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Why are you still reading, I’m done.

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Come on, there is nothing else I could possibly talk about.

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QuarterWho? What are you blathering on about?

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Oh do go fuck yourself. Alright you miserable sons of bitches, I’ll talk about it.

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Now you are just being mean.

Which brings us to the QB situation. The Geno Smith Experiment goes on into year three and I expect it to go about as well as that Stanford Prison Experiment but switch out normal people and make all the participants serial killers or war criminals. America’s runner-up for bearded journeyman QB (Kyle Orton is the champion because neck beards are superior to crazed old-timey gold prospector beard) Ryan Fitzpatrick is the insurance policy. I have an inclination that this policy is as likely to pay off as well as Aaron Hernandez trying to collect upon a life insurance policy he took out on Odin Lloyd on June 16, 2013. Or and 5Chan’s calling the shots.
This organization has a severe aversion to capable passing offense.

Prediction:

Two possibilities here:

1) Defense and run game compensate for deficiencies in QB to a respectable record (Jets 2009 – 2010); or
2) QB cripples team; misery abounds for Jets fans [but that generally is always the case], rest of NFL laughs heartily [which is also generally always the case] (Jets 2011 – 2014)