2016 Quotables – Conference Championships (Results)



I sat on a jury years ago, 2nd degree attempted murder case. One day the defendant wore sneakers with his suit to court. It was that day I knew he was guilty.

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That’s it! No more multi-game weeks ahead! Just this weekend’s Pro Bowl followed by Super Bowl LI The Big Game. Finalized Pro Bowl rosters can be found here and, should you be in the greater Orlando area on Sunday, you may plan to revel in the presence of such NFL stars as:

Andy Dalton (QB – CIN): Lead a 6-9-1 team to 3rd place in a division that provided 33% of their wins against the Browns.

Jarvis Landry (WR – MIA): The league’s 10th most productive wide out, Landry’s 4 touchdowns on the season surely make him a Pro Bowl MVP favorite.

Richie Incognito (Guard – BUF): No Pro Bowl winning coach has every talked about having a great group of locker room guys.

Jimmy Graham (TE – SEA): Pro Bowl voters obviously recognized that Graham could put up some big numbers in the Pro Bowl because he won’t be in a Seahawks uniform.

Jordan Howard (RB – CHI): I was all ready to make a joke about this but Howard was actually second only to Ezekiel Elliot in rushing yards this season. I guess the 3-13 Bears were playing with big leads most of the season.

Johnny Hekker (P – RAMIT): Of course the Rams would be the team needing the NFL’s best punter. And, of course it would be the Rams — who rely on their punter to keep them in games — who’d relocate to a home field at an elevation 0′ above sea level.


So, you know, something to prepare yourself for. Also dodgeball. Now — RESULTS!

“If this image had any more grit, it would be wrapped around a block in a carpenters workshop.” -JerBear50

“‘Hey Josh, how does my hair look?’ ‘Majestic, as always, Tom.’ /Deep sigh of relief ” -Low Commander Of The Super Soldiers

I try to warn you every week: the offseason is coming...
“Bouncing balls off an unsuspecting USC girl’s ass and then scoring? ‘Let’s run the Mark Sanchez play again.'” -SonOfSpam

Prudent move to not put the mic in front of Bill.
“Grumble, grumble ifnanceonlyknewwhatididtohismomwiththat grumble.” -LemonJello

We actually get a lot of #content out of coaches behaving like cats.
“You can tell that Stone Cold Steve Austin and bearded King Kong Bundy are ready for Wrestlemania.” -Enrico Pallazzo

“We hope you enjoyed this reenactment of the cumulative interactions Aaron Rodgers has had with his immediate family for the last three years.” -Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

“One of the few times this weekend that Rodgers tried to avoid a man jumping into his lap.” -Curse Of Marino

“I was calling for a FLAG, what did you think I said?” -BrettFavresColonoscopy
I sat on a jury years ago, 2nd degree attempted murder case. One day the defendant wore sneakers with his suit to court. It was that day I knew he was guilty.
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blaxabbathJerBear50Moose -The End Is Well NighballsofsteelandfuryUnsurprised Recent comment authors
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I am 90 minutes away from the ESPN/ABC Sports (apparently that’s still a thing) complex. Fuck you if you think I’m setting foot near that shitshow. I mean, unless I could score DFO press credentials, in which case I’ll be happy to drive out there. I’ll be banned from Disney property long before I can manage anything productive, but I’ll be happy to make some shit up. It worked for HST, right?


Is that a reboot?

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Fitting that the Browns manage to send one guy to the Pro Bowl this year when it’s in freaking Orlando. That’s like being the only good salesman at a shitty company and finding out that your performance bonus is a trip to Orlando.