4:00 EST UPDATE – By Special Commentist Party Demand….

Bearistocrats! at Fuck Lions (4:30, NFLN)

Technically, this one does count as a varsity contest.  The line is down to Fuck Lions -5 (ML +195 FOAR Chi****), so it seems maybe the sharps think it’s somewhat likely Fat Stafford’s hand blows up, and/or the Truth Biscuit will be up fer kissing some homeless tittays?  I dunno, expecting the John Fox Bearistocrats! to come good two weeks running – especially after a 33-7 demolition job over the Striped Pylons – seems a little much to this Degenerate gambler.  But I didn’t bet this at all, plus I have the Fuck Lion D/ST in my money league fantasy playoffs (waivers locked), so jinx factors are a heavy consideration.

Anyhoo, enjoy the precious gift of SATURDAY FOOTBAW.

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Yes, the time when one tries to discern for ALMIGHTY GAMBLOR purposes – just which team truly wants this match the least?

N’Awlins Bowl – Troy v. North Texas (1:00, ESPN)

The line (Troy -6.5) may say the opposite, but gimme the points and the vastly superior nickname.  Mean Green!!  PRO TIP: Am not actually recommending an actual wager on this game, but if ether binging…

Cure Bowl – Western Kentucky v. Georgia State (2:30, CBSSN)

Cure for what?  Pre-Saturday NFL nap insomnia?  These sides be a combined 12-11, FWIW.  Hilltoppers or Sex Panthers (-6.5)?  It really depends on your mood at the moment.

Vegas, Baby! Bowl – Boise State v. Oregon (3:30, ABC)

Finally, a fixture between two sides you may have actually seen play already!  I have lost several bets against the Quack Attack earlier in the season, but that was before they first year coach left them high and dry for the rapier pastures of Tallahassee.  Gimme the not-very-good Smurfs and the points (6.5 again, Hippo smells a conspiracy afoot).

New Mexico Bowl – Colorado State v. Marshall (4:30, ESPN)

Not sure how this particular bowl will survive without Bob Davie and his surrogate ManningFACE.  The Rams are a pseudo-real team and only favoured by 3.5 (plus travelling less) so probably would take them here.  Marshall ain’t worth a fuck.

Camellia Bowl – Middle Tennessee v. Arkansas State (8:00, ESPN)

Alabama deserves a much better thank you for Senator-elect Doug Muthafuckin’ Jones! than this wet fart of a game.  Would blindly guess Arkie State -3.0, though.  And y’all owe Hippo an apology for saying I was crazy for steadfastly predicting there were enough good Southern folk of conscience – even in Bama – to make sure that Senator Paedo was a bridge too far.