All the Molson in the World

blaxabbath

blaxabbath

I sat on a jury years ago, 2nd degree attempted murder case. One day the defendant wore sneakers with his suit to court. It was that day I knew he was guilty.
blaxabbath

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On last night’s open thread, BeerLoverPops mentioned:

I ain’t writin’ all that.

After first wondering, what kind of accommodating America First policy is it for the CFL to honour the NFL’s 4-game ban (btw, we all questioning the source of Harrison’s longevity now that he’s in blue?), then wondering what the details were (nothing released but I like to think Manziel thinks their currency is something called Labatt Blue), I then truly asked myself how I felt about Manziel actually getting picked up for the CFL 2018 season. Many of you snowbird [DFO] visitors may not remember (or those of you who don’t like my writing or the…how do you say…I AM AN ARTIST!) my Offseason 2016 series, Serial, which was super fun to write because it was all about Johnny Manziel. So, while I was always more of a cursory Manziel follower until ’16 (after his final year, where he spent the last week in a costume in Vegas rather than in team-mandated treatment) I feel like I am somewhat qualified to speak on the proposed CFL contract.

 

My thoughts:

It’s got me thinking about diving on an inflatable swan.

I don’t care about Canadian football and I don’t care about Johnny Manziel. So, GOODNESS YES, PLEASE DO THIS! Dude seriously, if you put Manziel CFL games on NBC every Saturday or whatever — AND did not change anything about the broadcasts to make them more Americany (or what networks THINK is Americany), THIS IS IMPORTANT — then I would totally tune into that and try to get into the league.

Seriously though, you put it on as CFL on NBC on Monday Night Football on Saturdays and force me to hear about meters vs feet ever five seconds and I’ll turn that bitch right straight off. All I want is a quality broadcast (and not quality for me, quality for the average Saskatchewan Roughrider fan) of exactly what the Canadiens are watching every week. I want Tim Horton’s ads. I want halftime roundtables with ex-CFL stars and coaches that I have never ever heard of wearing grey blazers.  I want whatever boring crap they broadcast instead of comedy bits or analysis graphics between the action. Most of all, I want to hear how the Canedien announcers cover JFF.

Oh man — and then it’d take like, what, two hours to overwhelm sports media with questions about whether or not this opens the door for TIM TEBOW to play in the CFL and, if he did, would he easily be the greatest CFLer ever — which will then lead to asking how great Tebow could have been in the CFL if he’d not screwed around in the NFL??? #TEDOWMANIA

Manziel is the perfect bridge for the CFL to America because he’s seriously Martin Lawrence in Black Knight. Like, don’t just give me someone I know who I can put in the CFL system and see what the differences are (“Oh, Hester runs back 120 yard returns now. Got it.” or “Well why would I expect Blair Walsh to kick it between their uprights?”) but show me an unconventional player who will come in and be like, “Mr America is here and I’m gonna show you frenchies how we ball down in Texas, the birthplace of the pigskin.” against the backdrop of establishment announcers and the slightly-offness of Canadian broadcasts. And on the broadcasts, the phrases they say won’t mean anything to me and it will make me unsure if I’m lost because I misunderstand the sport itself or misunderstood their Canadian speaking style. As a result, I think I would be a more humbler and observant fan who was having a great time because I was just gonna sit there and let the game entertain me.

So yeah, I think I’ll have to make a New Year’s resolution to block out some time to illegally stream a few Tiger-Cats games this year.

blaxabbath
blaxabbath
I sat on a jury years ago, 2nd degree attempted murder case. One day the defendant wore sneakers with his suit to court. It was that day I knew he was guilty.

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FronkenshteenscotchnautMoose -The End Is Well NighblaxabbathSonOfSpam Recent comment authors
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Fronkenshteen

winner winner chicken dinner

Fronkenshteen

But then…

scotchnaut

Done for now. Luv all you bastages!

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Fronkenshteen

So, is there a chance CAR will host a playoff game in two weeks? Because that field was atrocious today.

Fronkenshteen

SEC gonna SEC.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Fronkenshteen

So wot the hell possessed the UK RB to push the official? And the muscle-flexing?

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Fronkenshteen

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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scotchnaut

This cartoon speaks to me.

Fronkenshteen

I’m tired of sipping tea like some grandmother. Time to drink myself back to health!
/cracks beer
//pours Jameson shot
Is the Kentucky QB out for the game?

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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scotchnaut

“Manny is not the man today. Is this ironic?””

-Alanis Morrisette

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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scotchnaut

Asst. Producer: “This game is kinda boring…”

Head Producer: [thinks] “Use Allie LaForce!”

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

I feel a change in LaForce?

SonOfSpam

RIP Clayton Thorson’s knee.

WCS

WAKE IS BELK BELK IS WAKE

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Unsurprised
Unsurprised

I hate everything.

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scotchnaut

No you don’t. You love boobies.

WCS

This game has reached maximum BELK

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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scotchnaut

“Ooooo, bet he’s really good at caninelingus.”

-Some Bitch

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

You really brought home the bacon with that comment.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Canadian hold-up?

scotchnaut

“He got the stick part right. Did he speak softly? Asking for a friend.”

-Teddy Roosevelt

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

I wonder if that was in the morning…….

theeWeeBabySeamus

I really wish Graham had said….

Da Fuq do I care? They fired me.

scotchnaut

I hate it when guys have class!

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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theeWeeBabySeamus

WCS

BELK BELK BELK

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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theeWeeBabySeamus

Ha…suck your onside kick fuckers.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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WCS

Anal time.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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scotchnaut

I don’t understand the sentence but the sentiment I get.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Hehehehe….grammar and sentence structure takes a backseat when there be footballin’ to get all emotional n junk about.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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scotchnaut

The fake ones cost so much less but if you want to be legit you’ve gotta get the real thing.

scotchnaut

Speaking of that TD, does anyone remember Eli throwing that corner fade in the end zone for about 4 years straight after Plaxico caught the winning score in that Super Bowl upset? Scotchy and Pepperidge Farms mamembers…

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

I ‘member!

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scotchnaut

*Triggered* /in a good way

Every once in a while in my neck of the woods I’ll be driving on the highway and see a large number of vintage/muscle cars headed to a meetup. It’s the coolest thing ever.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

A guy I know has two Corvairs and they usually drive to meet-ups in groups; those fuckers constantly break down.

scotchnaut

I remember coming back from Sault Ste. Marie about three years ago and passing 25(?) or so red Mazda Miatas. Very weird.