‘Twas the Night Before Moosemas…

Beastmode Ate My Baby

Beastmode Ate My Baby

A frequent guest-star on the award-winning seventeenth season of Here Come the Brides as well as Petticoat Junction: The Outlaw Years, Vic Darlington was arrested in Miami for poodle smuggling in 1986.Fleeing to the United States to avoid prosecution, he worked as a delivery boy for Señor Pizza until finding a steady gig as the bassist for the Johnny Zed Power Trio.He currently lives in North Hollywood with his trophy wife, two meerkats and the world’s largest collection of second-hand bowling trophies.
Beastmode Ate My Baby

‘Twas the night before Moosemas, and in a corner of Hell

A battle was raging, and it wasn’t going well

Beelzebub was there, he was raging that day

As he sent his Beelzebros into the fray

 

Against Moose they raged, growling and grizzled

While from the skies the hellfire drizzled

Weaselo was there too, and WCS

And the brain of Otto, and some guy named Seamus

 

They fought for their lives, these DFO guys

As a horde of winged demons descended from the skies

“We’re fooked now,” little Seamus intoned

Then he hit the bong again, to get truly stoned

 

To the Helltank WCS ran, his voice full of ire

“Let’s see these guys take a blast of Hellfire!”

He climbed through the hatch with moderate haste

And fired the guns, turning demons to paste

 

“No fair! That’s our tank,” Beelzebub did rage

As he freed the monster Cerberus from its unholy cage

The dog growled in unison from his heads (he had three)

Then lifted his gigantic leg, letting loose fiery pee

 

Weaselo dodged the flames, but didn’t attack

Instead he grabbed the hound’s leg and climbed to his back

He said “Who’s a good boy” and scratched ears (all six)

While Moose did assault Beelzebros with punches to their dicks

 

“This sucks!” cried Beelzebub, and united his side

Their forces swept forward in a raucous, frenzied tide

But then came a sound, a thunderous rattle

And everyone looked up from the terrible battle

 

It was the DFO arriving, riding bikes that did shine

They’d cleaned them up nicely, after taking them from the Swine

The demons halted their charge, their mouths were agape

For riding the lead motorcycle was a very large ape!

 

Doktor Zymm was there, and Man in Plaid #2

But he lacked a body and was just a head, it’s true

Marc brought up the rear, for he wasn’t a fighter

He pulled out a fatty and searched for his lighter

 

Covalent Blonde punched them, and ax kicks she threw

The demons were in a disarray, they didn’t know what to do!

Sharkbait flexed his pincers and pinched anything near

Beelzebros covered their bits, and retreated in fear

 

A demon charged Zymm, but she picked up her head

He had laser eyes, and zapped the demon dead

Horatio jumped, he leaped and did a flip

As arms from torsos mighty Moosemas Gorilla did rip

 

“They’re in full retreat,” said Balls, watching them run

And he winked and he smiled as he shot a finger gun

But Beelzebub wasn’t finished and did rush at Moose

For his efforts he got pummeled, with a front fang knocked loose

 

“You’re done,” said Moose, as he picked up his foe

Then swung him around, the better to throw

The devil did land in a lake that really stank

No swimmer was he, and like a heavy stone he sank

 

The party then started, and Moose had his say

“It’s great to see you guys, especially today!”

Marc passed the fatty, and sat back with a sigh

“Merry Moosemas to all, man…now let’s get really high!

Beastmode Ate My Baby
Beastmode Ate My Baby
A frequent guest-star on the award-winning seventeenth season of Here Come the Brides as well as Petticoat Junction: The Outlaw Years, Vic Darlington was arrested in Miami for poodle smuggling in 1986. Fleeing to the United States to avoid prosecution, he worked as a delivery boy for Señor Pizza until finding a steady gig as the bassist for the Johnny Zed Power Trio. He currently lives in North Hollywood with his trophy wife, two meerkats and the world's largest collection of second-hand bowling trophies.

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litre_colaBeastmode Ate My BabyHoratio CornblowerMoose -The End Is Well NighDon T Recent comment authors
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litre_cola

That was really good. Just got to read it now as I am not working this week and dont have my normal schedule.

Horatio Cornblower

Not for nothing, and not that I don’t enjoy being 6″ tall with a great ape as a best friend, but you can probably end the story here. It’ ain’t getting better than this. Truly fantastic. Bra-fucking-vo.

Don T

Aaaaaah. That’s the stuff. 🏆

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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BrettFavresColonoscopy

This is your magnum opus.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Mr. Ayo
Mr. Ayo

Bravo!

WCS

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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SonOfSpam

Awesome.

ballsofsteelandfury

Holy shit.

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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theeWeeBabySeamus

Personally for Seamus from Dingle, I say….Priorities!!!!!!!!!
If Hell is descending, might as well be stoned for it.

(Very nicely done, Beastie. This was awesome)

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

The new off-Broadway production of Beauty and the Beast went horribly wrong opening night.

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Senor Weaselo

Is Emma in it? Asking for a friend.

Senor Weaselo

He’s a good boy, but I am not going to ask if we can keep him. Because he’d be taking us for walkies, not vice-versa.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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