Your Early Afternoon Slate of NFL Games Open Thread

Are you footballed out yet? If you are this site is no place for you. Gird your pyjama bottoms, eat some processed sugar product, find some caffeine, (have you tried that coffee enema yet? Maybe now’s the time) get rid of the family and lock the doors. You’ve got some watchin’ to do! TO THE GAMES!

Chicago/Minnesota:

When Minny wins (are you saying there’s another possible outcome?) they will have earned a first round playoff break. John Fox’s 14-34 record as coach of the Bears will be Exhibit A when his firing is announced tomorrow.

Cleveland/Pittsburgh:

Looks like them Steelers are without Antonio and that Ben and Bell will be pulled early if they play at all. Once again, if your fantasy league plays its champeenship on week 17, you’re a schlmiel.

Dallas/Philadelphia:

The Cowboys playoff aspirations went down last week vs the Seahawks and all the haters (myself included) were sated temporarily. If they can just pull off another loss today Jason Garrett will achieve the 8-8 record his coaching ability deserves.

New York Jets/New England:

The Jetskis are going to roll over like a puppy that wants its belly scratched. The Pats, like the kid that is a nascent psychopath, will see this gesture and respond by “punching that fucking puppy right in the goddamn face!”.

Green Bay/Detroit:

Turn off the lamp Jim Caldwell, the party’s over.

Washington/New York Giants:

Eli might be putting his helmet on backwards for the last time as a Giant today. At least he’s got that 3 game starting streak to brag about. A D that has given up 378 points so far will be without starters Collins, Jenkins and a certain cancerous Apple. Take the over, Hippo.

Houston/Indianapolis:

The Texans have no choice but to start TJ “19 of 47” Yates today. Watch this one for the intercepts and giggles.

Give me that thing you got down below. (I’ve had my shots)

 

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Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

[redacted]

LemonJello
LemonJello

So, Cleveland gets relegated to Div I and the College Champion takes their place, right?

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

HAHAHAHAHA FUCK YOU HUE JACKSON WELCOME TO THE HALL OF FAME!

Inanimate Carbon Rod Marinelli

DFO: Come for the sense of community, stay for the searing hot Hue Jackson hate!

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Speaking of which, I gotta get to work searing the lamb cubes for the stew I’m making this afternoon.

Redshirt

If they fumble the snap, the Browns recover and run it back for a TD….

Petronel
Petronel

Rickrollin’ in Foxboro

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