[inside, night, 4 people huddled around a table in a dark corner of the Anchor Bar. Outside is cold and snowing]
Devil Thanks for meeting me here guys
Peterman No problem
McCoy [stairs blankly]
Devil [mutters to him\her self] no one is going to hit you here, take off the damn helmet
Lorenzo Alexander Hello
Devil So…I called this meeting as there’s an issue with our “transaction”
Alexander How so?
Devil Have you ever tried to use a second tier soul? I can’t get anything for them. Hades won’t even touch them. Beelzebub ….
Alexander Not our problem
Peterman Ya, we traded fair and square
Devil … wants 100 of these souls to even talk with me. And it’s not like any of you have done anything with it. Nathan, look baby, I got you the starting gig. And what did you do? One TD and four interceptions. And all that in just over a hundred yards. That’s awful. Seriously. And LeSean, I figured out where your jewelry was, all you needed to do was to be nice to her for a hot minute to get it back, but nooooooooooo, you send in the goon squad and they get caught. Lorenzo, I…
Server Hi guys, ready to order?
Devil Sure, I’ll have the hot wings and a Budwiser(not a sponsored post)
Peterman I’ll have the Beef on Weck and a…
Devil Fuck it, that’s it. I can’t take you guys any more.
Server [nods and backs away slowly]
Devil Jesus, Nathan, we’re in thee “Original” ( author note: may or may not be true, don’t care) wing joint are you get a sandwich. And not even a good one ( author note: again, may or may not be true, don’t care) . You were so bad on the field that they had to dust off the corpse of Derek Anderson to take over for you. My grandmother can throw it father than you.
Peterman Its not my fault. Kelvin and Clay can’t catch. And the o-line….
Devil I DON’T FUCKING CARE. LeSean, you could have just got the Bills Mafia idiots to get the rings and stuff, but nooo, you kept in in house. Now I need to deal with Goodell [spits] to keep you on the field. He makes dealing with Sekhmet seem like taking candy from a baby. She’s got issues. And her followers, yikes, They never leave me alone. All for one bad deal. But really, what did she expect in dealing with me?
Alexander What about our deal?
Devil Listen, Lorenzo, I’ve tried to get you out of Buffalo, I really, really did, but no one is looking for a 35 year old linebacker. Your numbers are good, but no one is biting. You should have stayed in Arizona (author note: too lazy to look up why he left )
Devil [takes a deep breath and sighs] So, I’m going to renege on our deals. I don’t ever do this. You guys can have you souls back and I’ll just leave things the way they are. Look for a package from Walmart that has a bag of Candy corn sometime next week. Eat the whole bag, your soul will be in the candy. Really, it’s no better then things were last week for you. And if i’m being honest, you guys are already in purgatory living here, it’s not really fair to start your sentences early. Shit, shouldn’t have let that slip. And what the fuck is with the snow already. It’s October still. And it’s dark at 6 PM. How do you guys live like this? You know what, fuck it, I’m outta here. Call me when you play in So Cal. We’ll get drinks, on me.
Server Hi guys, the kitchen just told me we’re out of wings. Would you like to order something else?
Devil [groans and leaves bar in puff of smoke]
Player images taken from nfl dot com.