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INT. SECRET NFL QUARTERBACKS CLUB – DAY
The secret NFL quarterbacks club is decorated festively, with mementos from the War on Christmas displayed prominently throughout the otherwise lush interior. A butler moves throughout the room, topping off the hot mulled wine that is traditionally part of the annual pre-Christmas gathering. A pair of regulars are in the process of welcoming a new arrival.
ELI MANNING: Wow! I can’t believe Peyton never told me about this place!
RUSSELL WILSON: Well, it’s wasn’t really his secret to tell. You’re not allowed to tell anyone about this place until they’ve won the Super Bowl.
ELI: But I’ve won two Super Bowls! At one point I had won more rings than he had!
PHILIP RIVERS: Okay, Eli, apparently Peyton decided that you’re mature enough to know about this place, so I think that means that you’re mature enough to know the truth: Peyton didn’t think you were mature enough to know about this place. We had a long discussion with him about it, and there was a lot of argument on both sides. Russell here argued in favor, making the claim that on an epistemological basis you had shown…
RUSSELL: Oh, here he goes again. Philip, stop hazing him.
PHILIP RIVERS takes a deliberately long sip from his mug, then slowly rotates it around so Eli can read its caption.
RUSSELL: Truth is, Eli, Peyton felt bad after you guys lost to the Titans last week. Seventeen to nothing! Man, that must have been humiliating! In fact, one could even say…
RUSSELL WILSON also takes a long sip then slowly rotates his mug around.
ELI: Oh, very funny, you guys…
Someone comes up behind ELI and envelops him in a massive bear hug.
ANDREW LUCK: HODOR!
ELI: [dusting himself off] Aw man, it’s good to see you too, Andrew.
ANDREW LUCK rotates his mug around, too.
ELI: Ha ha, yeah, I guess I did, big fella.
MATT STAFFORD: [wandering over] Eli! Welcome aboard! [takes a sip from his mug, then turns it so Eli can see]
ELI: Oh man, that’s corny.
MATT: [taking another sip] Hmm, no, I’m not tasting it. [checks again] Yeah, no corn in here. Just good old American flour, butter, black pepper, and turkey pan drippings.
ELI: Wait, are you drinking gravy?
MATT: What? No! YOU’RE drinking gravy! [wanders back towards the buffet]
RUSSELL: Anyhow, Eli, we got you a little present now that everything has been made official…
The butler arrives with a silver tray, on which sits a canister of ovaltine and a mug. The butler slowly rotates the mug so ELI can enjoy his gift…
RUSSELL: …from the playoffs, that is.
So your old pal Beastmode and I started a little venture making mugs. You can check out our stuff over at youjustgotmugged.com and maybe find something for that special someone whose name we happened to come up with a slogan for. Or suggest some new ones! Please feel very, very strongly encouraged to share this with everyone you’ve ever met, worked with, or done time with. Merry Christmas!