Your “The Likeliest Outcome Has Been Predetermined” Monday Evening Open Thread

Beerguyrob

Beerguyrob

A Canadian man-child of indeterminate age, he stays young by selling alcohol at sporting events and yelling at the patrons he serves. Their rage nourishes his soul, and their tips pay for his numerous trips to various sporting events.
Beerguyrob

Today was the first day back at school, and I arrived afflicted with the planet’s deadliest plague –

The Man Cold.

I bravely soldiered on, yet was not lauded by my colleagues for strength in the face of adversity. So, tomorrow I’m coughing right into the coffee pot.


NFL News: Hippo’s got you covered with a Sunday rundown, so I’ll sweep up the garbage

  • Well, people have ‘got’ Cody Parkey’s back:

Deadspin has the Spanish call of the kick, and it’s delightful.

  • Also excited about the Bears loss? The Raiders.
    • The Bears, by virtue of record, were slotted into the #24 spot in the 2019 Draft, which is the Raiders’ pick from the Khalil Mack trade.
    • If Dallas craps out this weekend, their pick that belongs to the Raiders would be 25th or 26th, depending on how the Eagles do.
  • Who’s up for some Monday beef? 
    • Chargers OL Russell Okung claims Roger Goodell doesn’t want them to win, saying “Roger Goodell doesn’t want us to come home.”
    • The Broncos are blocking teams from interviewing Gary Kubiak for available Offensive coordinator positions.
    • Bears DC Vic Fangio has turned down the Dolphins, but will interview with the Broncos for their Head Coaching position.

Finally, more will likely come out tomorrow, but it appears the Packers have made their coaching decision already.

All that remains is the inevitable recriminations & hand-wringing about the Rooney Rule.


Tonight’s main attraction:

  • College Football Playoff National Championship:
    • Clemson vs. Alabama – 8:00PM | ESPN / TSN

Based on the internet, there’s way more hate for Alabama

than Clemson

Most Clemson hate seems to come from Gamecock fans, because ‘bama fans have other concerns, or don’t care about opinions east of their state. This game (sigh) should go Saban’s way if only because of all the key players Clemson had suspended before the Cotton Bowl.

I do enjoy the fact that the trophy they’re playing for

looks like someone mashed together a Georgia O’Keeffe (thanks Sharkbait)

& a Mark Rothko.

It’s the college football equivalent of watching the Patriots & Steelers play, because each fanbase thinks the rest of the country is against them & that they’re hard done by, yet have been the two most successful programs in the last 10 years. They are both led by insufferable head coaches, for whom the process is everything and they are the true stars. The organizations preach team above all-else, and that their model of efficiency it the true test of their commitment to excellence. The only difference is that the college players aren’t paid.

Alabama & Clemson, much like the Steelers & Patriots, and their fans, can go jump off a fucking cliff. This game should end in a tie due to accidental release of tear gas in the stadium.


Tonight’s other sports:

  • NHL:
    • Blues at Flyers – 7:00PM | Sportsnet
    • Kings at Sharks – 10:30PM | NBCSN / Sportsnet
  • WWE:
    • Monday Night Raw – 8:00PM | USA / Sportsnet360
      • They are bringing back Hogan, Ric Flair & others for a Mean Gene celebration.
        • Please enjoy this classic WWF bit with Mean Gene & Randy Savage.

WHATCHA GONNA DO?!

Beerguyrob
Beerguyrob
A Canadian man-child of indeterminate age, he stays young by selling alcohol at sporting events and yelling at the patrons he serves. Their rage nourishes his soul, and their tips pay for his numerous trips to various sporting events.
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Moose -The End Is Well NighWakezillaBrick MeathookCol. Duke LaCrossBeerguyrob Recent comment authors
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Brick Meathook
Brick Meathook

Solar power generating station in the desert west of Las Vegas NV, January 3, 2019
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Brick Meathook
Brick Meathook

Los Angeles, California. January 3, 2019.
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Col. Duke LaCross

As hazy as that looks, it’s like night and day better air quality than it had the first time I visited out there fifteen years ago.

Brick Meathook
Brick Meathook

Hazy? That’s crystal clear. The far mountain range is 25 miles away.

Unsurprised
Unsurprised

Football is stupid and college football is a fraud and theft and should be thoroughly rebuilt from the ground up or better yet eliminated. That being said, this is cool:
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Unsurprised
Unsurprised

Everything else sucks. It always will. Why bother.

WCS

I didn’t realize until now that you’re Nihilist Arby’s! I love your work!

Brick Meathook
Brick Meathook

I don’t mind the play-by-play announcers during the game, but the jackasses who are given a microphone after the game are too much for me.

ballsofsteelandfury

That was quite enjoyable!

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Brick Meathook
Brick Meathook

Eastern range of the Rocky Mountains, looking north from over Denver CO, January 3rd, 2019.
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WCS

Hurrah geography! See, mom? I haven’t wasted my life!

/runs away sobbing

Wakezilla

Wanna take my distant Ed human geography class? I need an A

Wakezilla

Hell of a view

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Brick Meathook
Brick Meathook

Clemson is the educated redneck capital of the world. I’ve been there, I’ve seen it.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Viva La Tabula Raza
Viva La Tabula Raza

Jesus helped Clemson tonight, says Sweeney. Fake Victory!!!

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Horatio Cornblower

A Massachuestts guy storming through the Alabama lines?

Haven’t seen that since 1865.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Viva La Tabula Raza
Viva La Tabula Raza

Probably happened back in the early 1960s, too, but them Yankees ended up weighted down with stones behind a TVA dam up on the Tombigbee.

Brick Meathook
Brick Meathook

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Brick Meathook
Brick Meathook

General Philip Sheridan

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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WCS

What is “Alabama’s 2019 National Championship Game”? I’ll take World Geography for $600.

Gatoraids
Gatoraids

Clemson should go for a fake field goal to really spice it up

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Brick Meathook
Brick Meathook

Nick Saban’s underpants are full of diamonds, assuming he ate a lot of coal before this game.

Horatio Cornblower

What a coincidence! Clemson’s four year record, 55-4, is also the average score of a UConn “football” game this year, with UConn being the team that did not scored 55.

WCS

But you averaged two safeties!

Horatio Cornblower

One FG and a point for showing up.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Unsurprised
Unsurprised

People who like The Office are dumber than that fucking idiot.

WCS

Hey now.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

No, people who judge others by their sense of humor because they personally don’t like or understand a comedy venue are both idiotic and worthless.

Viva La Tabula Raza
Viva La Tabula Raza

C’mon Clemson, get another TD and hang that 50-burger on Bama. You know Saban would do it to you if the scores were reversed.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

I was search for awkward people dancing and not but Taylor Swift gifs pop up. Usually there are at least some residual previously searched for porn gifs at least.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Viva La Tabula Raza
Viva La Tabula Raza

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Viva La Tabula Raza
Viva La Tabula Raza

What does Chik-Fil-A do with all the egg yolks that are not used when they make those Egg White Sandwiches? Do they feed the homeless people Egg Yellow Sandwiches? As long as those homeless people are not gay?

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Can’t take the chance; they throw them at Planned Parenthood centers.

Brick Meathook
Brick Meathook

There is no waste in the factory food industry.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Redshirt

Redshirt sleepy. Is there a chance Saban’s gonna cry on the sideline or something? If not, Redshirt go sleepy time.

WCS

He doesn’t cry. He personally executes subordinates to deal with bad feelings. Not quick, like a gunshot; he really gets medieval on their ass.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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and has a boner doing it.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Gatoraids
Gatoraids

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Horatio Cornblower

That book would not be published today.

Gatoraids
Gatoraids

hadn’t heard of it until I was looking for some longest yard pics to go with the Dabo warden comment earlier.

Horatio Cornblower

It’s pretty free with the n-word.

Viva La Tabula Raza
Viva La Tabula Raza

My favorite bit in the book was when the player who was notorious for being able to fart at will positioned himself to fart loudly at his new wife on their wedding night and when she came out of the bathroom he shit all over the bed.

Horatio Cornblower

Saban’s losing?

https://twitter.com/i/status/1082490252969852929
shamelessly stolen from @Super70sSports

Brick Meathook
Brick Meathook

For Moose:
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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Well, thanks. Sweaty girls; they been workin’ it.

*In most cases, some are just under federal investigation.

Brick Meathook
Brick Meathook

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Gatoraids
Gatoraids

Next BioShock will be based off Alabama s campus after this game. Mammon why have you forsaken us

Redshirt

If Ann Coulter keeps talking, I may have to set my beliefs aside and go full Democrat out of principle alone. Fiscal discipline, anti-entitlements and rights of the unborn fetus be damned.

Horatio Cornblower

Yeah, fiscal discipline is a real fucking hallmark of the current GOP.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Don’t tax and spending a shitload since 1980!!

Horatio Cornblower

What if we cut the poor people’s safety net to pay for the tax cuts for the rich?

We can’t do that!

Why not?

Because of our Second Amendment fetish! Those poor are armed to the tooth!

You’re right. Fuck it, just print more money.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Tooth? You must not be thinking about the meth/ oxy ones.

Horatio Cornblower

Mostly about their shitty dental care.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Dag GUM it!!

Redshirt

Don’t forget about having two wars but no price tags! There’s a reason why I voted Kerry in ’04.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Two publicized wars.

Unsurprised
Unsurprised

SIX MOTHERFUCKING TRILLION GODDAMN FUCKING DOLLARS SINCE 9/11.

Republicans. Democrats. Fuck ’em all.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

“Fiscal discipline, anti-entitlements and rights of the unborn fetus” That’s fucking funny.

Redshirt

I was trying to think “opposite Democrat with a Conservative spin”.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Sure, sure.