Holy hell, right? At the beginning of the month things were a bit tenuous, sure, but we didn’t expect this. And believe it or not I’ve only seen one President Madagascar meme so far!

And then to further it, I fell asleep at a civilized time without actually writing this up for Saturday morning so everything got pushed back a day! That’s okay. (Dumbass.)

Anywhat, it’s the Ice Milk Eight, the most Flacco of rounds. It’s the What the Hell are Regional Finals, the most regional of rounds. And it’s nearly the culmination of the tournament where we find out the best of 2019 and we can maybe have a better song than “One Shining Moment.” Here’s some results:

In the GAMBLOR Region:

44. “Touchdown, Mohammad. NO, NBC! DON’T SHOW HIS PICTURE!” beats 64. “Only thing wetter than this Ravens-Steelers game is my wife seeing the Witcher in the tub.” 22-13

Wait, hang on, I have to tiebreak… oh, this matchup? This is gonna be tough; one’s more original but the other gave me a bigger chuckle at first recite due to the tried and tested formula. After a second recite…

49. “The Dolphins just announced that their entire roster will be listed as Questionable for next week. They’re not injured, just really fucking questionable.” beats 56. “The Bengals have a bye next week. They’re three point underdogs.” 18*-17 (tiebreaker)

I took no pleasure in eliminating either of those. But it had to be done.

In the BLEERGH Region:

60. “The way the Jets are hitting him, Renfrow’s nickname must be World Trade Center.” beats 32. “‘Two base error’ also describes the first time I had sex.” 24-20

58. “In honor of Veteran’s Day I’ve taken a shot of Bulleit and neglected to adequately provide mental health services to myself.” beats 38. “Spitse is a very popular player in the Netherlands, but not so much as her cousin Swallowse.” 34-11

Let’s do two regions today, two regions tomorrow (which is now Monday). The Penultimate Four can be Wednesday, and then your championship on Saturday. Is there such a thing as babes in brackets? Or bros in brackets? I might need to have them as contractually obligated. So your polls: