Ladies, gentlemen, non-binary friends, lizard people… we made it.

Welcome back to the Beat.

I am once again your friendly Senor Weaselo here to once again take you down the rabbit hole that is 250-lb. robots beating the ever-loving fuck out of each other for our entertainment. And their builders’ entertainment, for that matter. To quote Ray Billings, “I love this sport.”

BattleBots had to get moved around because of COVID, as did almost everything else in this world because *motions to globe* all this shit. Instead of the usual April competition filmed for viewing all summer long, they filmed in October to start showing episodes over the winter while we wait for a vaccine. Soon!

But until then, let’s get into the robot fighting action.

First things first, some minor tweaks to things this year. Instead of four Fight Night appearances it’s only three fights to appease the all-knowing selection committee (i.e., Greg & Trey, Peter Abrahamson who’s now appearing in front of the camera, the producers, and maybe the judges). Buuuut, it’s now a 32-robot championship bracket, up from 16 in 2018 and 16 but also kinda 24/25 in 2019. So go 2-1, you’re probably in. 1-2, maybe there’ll be a few since it’s a 62-robot field. So the top-tier 1-2 bots will likely join the 32-bot field when all is said and done. Also in the absence of fans, teams can watch from gantries about the arena to scout or to watch or whatever.

To the fights!

SawBlaze vs. Whiplash
We start with a pair of perennial contenders looking to make that next, final step. This could be a round of 16 or quarterfinal matchup, easy. Maybe even a semifinal or final, but things would have to break right for both bots to get there.

SawBlaze is the dragon-fired black and green saw bot that last year dismantled Son of Whyachi to the point that we’re all surprised it came back this year considering they made a spectacle of Hydra chucking it into a dumpster. Whiplash is the crazy bot from the Vasquez family that’s pretty much only lost to top tier bots, such as Tombstone, Bite Force, and Witch Doctor. But it loses wheels like Eduardo Nuñez loses his helmet, which is to say, seemingly every time.

For this fight SawBlaze went with the dragon-shaped “hammer saw” to deliver more kinetic energy strikes. Whiplash went with a higher plow taller than its front end to try and counter the saw from coming down. The Vasquez family doesn’t really have a wedge front to their bot, which could be worrisome in this fight as SawBlaze should dominate in control if there’s a frontal collision. It’ll be up to driving with two of the better drivers in the sport.

Driving only does so much. Whiplash could get the initial hit and run, but SawBlaze stalked and pounced and could shove to its heart’s content, and once finally getting a pin could bring the hammer saw down. The plow wasn’t working great, especially when SawBlaze got to the underside of Whiplash instead. Credit to Matt Vasquez for changing tactics and using the back of the robot against SawBlaze—this meant they could use the spinner on their lifter to get some strikes, because the lifter wasn’t going to work in this one. It didn’t get to any good bits, and Jamison Go mentioned they added a top plate specifically for this reason.

SawBlaze kept pushing and finally got to Whiplash’s side, and with one hammer saw shot broke through the right side of the top armor, and that killed the drive. A dominant win, culminating in a KO, SawBlaze wins in 2:30.

Fusion vs. MadCatter
We have heard a lot about Fusion. It looks terrifying. It has a horizontal spinner. It has a vertical spinner. It sounds lethal. It’s a Team Whyachi robot and was considered a successor to Son of Whyachi. I put it as a Giant Nut contender pre-season. There’s that much hype.

MadCatter returns for another go-around. They actually went 2-2 last year, rebounding well after getting smoked by Rail Gun Max. And Martin Mason has the best kayfabe in the game. They are a vertical spinner primarily, though they do have a hammer attachment. They also have a lifter attachment which they’ll have on with the vert. I could see this not going well.

Fusion leads with the vert, which I think may be its front, but I don’t know if that’s just to get the horizontal up to speed. Either way, everyone knows that MadCatter is going to come out with a box rush.

Spoilers: They came out with a box rush. It did something I guess, because Fusion was getting very gyroscopic throughout. But that could also be self-inflicted. It was doing something because there was foam or other stuff on the ground. But the two robots didn’t get to do a ton. MadCatter’s weapons died quickly, probably from the hits. Fusion got flipped, and got recoil, and there may have been a slight fire. And then a slightly larger fire. All in all, the weapon looks good, but Newtonian physics can be a real bitch. MadCatter wins by KO in 2:05.

Malice vs. Axe Backwards
Two of the odder weapons square off. Malice is a rookie bot led by captain “Bunny” Sauriol. She was with Shatter! last year, and was at the party I attended. Malice is interesting because it’s a horizontal flywheel as opposed to the vertical flywheels you see on most other robots.

Axe Backwards is the same Axe Backwards from last year, the full-body drum spinner that went 0-4. Great idea in theory because the whole body’s the weapon, has not worked in practice, with a single victory over Ultimo Destructo in 2018 its only triumph in the two seasons. They have flamethrowers now, though, so that’s nice.

Axe Backwards went for the box rush, which wasn’t good because it wasn’t fast enough. Because it hasn’t been too mobile. Which meant it meant nothing and Malice could get up to speed. And somehow get to the back of Axe Backwards and those nice flamethrowers and cut the fuel line. Cue more fire. And then Malice took one of the wheels off too. And a “suck it” to boot. No D-X crotch chop. That would’ve been a nice added touch. Malice by KO in 1:15.

Skorpios vs. Bloodsport
When we look at robots that got a glow-up for this year, Bloodsport is among the leaders. Gone is the circular frame, a cross between Ziggo and Hazard. Here instead is a square frame, with just enough wedgelets to get some control, even if not the full Hazard wedge. Also for this fight is a three-propellered blade with an inner ring, to prevent Skorpios from clamping down. The srimech pipe is still there though.

For Skorpios I imagine the answer is “do the things from the Icewave fight that put it on the map.” We know that the plow is sturdy. We know the strategy is the standard “jam them up” and use that plow.

Whiffing on the box rush doesn’t help the case though. With that Bloodsport could spin up and, at speed, could deliver blows that sent Skorpios flipping on its head. So much to the point that one blow sent one of the bots into the BattleBots banner on the side, leading to our first Chris Rose “We’re gonna charge you for that” of the year. (The good news is with the new floor we shouldn’t have as many of those because they shouldn’t be destroying the floor, all spiffed up and able to withstand modern-day robots since it was a 20-year-old design.)

You could see the fight had taken a toll on both and was becoming a war of attrition. Skorpios’s saw was a bit cockeyed, while Bloodsport was down some of its wedgelets. But this was still in the one strike range. And that strike was when Bloodsport caught the plow just right, hitting the corner, but from the back. It sent Skorpios spinning and more importantly was enough to bend the frame and leave the saw bot crabwalking. And even that was barely. It was deemed insufficient movement anyway and a count was imminent. Bloodsport wins by KO in 2:12.

Lock Jaw vs. Captain Shrederator
I’m trying to see if these two teams squared off in classic BattleBots, but Phrizbee-Ultimate didn’t fight Diesector in Season 5, and I don’t think Phrizbee (original) ever fought Tazbot. Maybe in the post-Comedy Central era. Otherwise somehow, this is the first meeting between these two teams?

Regardless, two classic teams who’ve gone in different directions. Lock Jaw remains a sturdy bot that could challenge for the Giant Nut. Team Logicom’s Shrederator variants have been big in China when King of Bots was allowing foreign bots—I don’t know what’s going on, and with COVID, how much has changed. Either way, that success hasn’t translated in this iteration of BattleBots, and we’re not sure why. It’s just been a host of reliability issues to the point Brian Nave and co. stripped down the bot and reverted it with some older, more reliable technology. I don’t know if that’ll translate into the necessary power to overpower the well-known Lock Jaw rear wedge.

Well, it had the power to damage the wedge as it together, but the question would be after that. Because the former Phrizbee was slightly frisbeeing. Nothing serious, and it at least meant they were spinning still. The real question would be if and when the two went weapon to weapon.

And goddammit, the answer was still no. In the post-fight bit, Brian Nave showed a pin. Pin sheared off, that controlled the brake on the shell, which meant it was permanently enabled. So it wouldn’t spin. Which meant advantage Lock Jaw, whose weapon wasn’t in great shape, but still spun up and more importantly, has those forks for leverage. Even if they continue to get caught in the killsaw slots (take a drink).

But what they’d be able to do is somehow push Shrederator into the screws, and I’m not sure how they managed to get caught in the screws, but they did it somehow. To the point that they couldn’t get out of the screws. Fight over. Lock Jaw wins by KO in 2:20.

Rusty vs. Sporkinok
And this takes us to our debut fight portion of the evening. Sporkinok, the lifter/hammer combo, depending on match-ups, is captained by Lilith Specht. She’s the first trans captain in BattleBots history and might have the best mask/shawl combo in the game this year. The robot doesn’t look super fancy, but who knows how much power is in the lifter or the hammer. We’ll find out.

Rusty is your memebot of the year and new favorite bot. Just look at it. It reminds you of a simpler time, a la classic BattleBots or Robot Wars. One-person team, the helmet looks like a metal bowl and it totally might be, the rust is real according to Dave Eaton, it has a little pick-hammer, it runs on tank treads… it’s glorious.

As for the fight itself, Sporkinok got a successful lift and flipped Rusty, but yes, it self-rights! Rusty took this time to get around the back of Sporkinok and get that hammer in there to do… something. It’s probably something our minds would be unable to comprehend, but Sporkinok, which was having traction problems, couldn’t move after it, so Rusty wins! It’s a KO in 2:12.

Sharkoprion vs. SMEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE
I’m just gonna copy-paste because that’s a lot of Es. SMEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE is a hugger-bot. Its job is to get the two pods around the opposing robot and use undercutters to attack. It’s entirely ridiculous, but it’s been a thing at lower weight classes. Joe Fabiani and Team FlightPlan competed in King of Bots with their robot, Button Lee (think HUGE but without the vertical bar and with flails instead). It wasn’t as successful as HUGE.

For Edward Robinson, it’s Sharko’s last ride. His robot combat partner died and due to the cost of servicing Sharko, at time of writing he’s sold it to one of the other members of the team (I seriously don’t know which). This iteration I thought was a flipper, but is actually a grappler. Regardless the shark looks good and hopefully it can give a lasting bite.

I’m not gonna lie, this wasn’t the most action-packed fight. SMEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE might work against some of the more compact bots but Sharko’s a big boy himself. Meanwhile, Sharko might have had a little bit too much of an overbite, because the chomper wasn’t actually getting any bite. You can see in the pic the size of that front wedge.

So on they went, Sharko able to nibble on the paint, but SMEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE was doing some minor tire damage leading to some traction issues for the shark. There was some spinning and dancing and for the first time this year, a judges’ decision.

It’s a new format this year for points—5 for damage, 3 for aggression and control, with points being divvied up as necessary. Judge Senor scores it 4-1 in damage, 2-1 in control, and 1-2 for aggression (7-4 total), and the actual judges (Derek Young, Lisa Winter, and Jason Bardis) scored it unanimously for your winner, SMEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE.

Main Event: Tombstone vs. End Game
Am I surprised the Kiwis are here? A little, but then again New Zealand’s actually taken care of their shit regarding the ‘rona. Back when they were rookies Jack Barker (now co-captain, Nick Mabey is officially captain) said they thought they could take Tombstone. This was a bad idea, because then they lost their next fights, missed that year’s tournament, and had a meh 2019. But! They get the chance to right that wrong. As for Tombstone, it’s Tombstone, not much to say other than Ray has more weapon bars made out of more metals, for science! Instead of S7 tool steel, he has H13 for this bar. I have no idea about the hardness properties, so don’t ask me, it’s not like they use tool steel as their material on Forged in Fire. And even if they did I don’t know my metallurgy. I look forward to the inevitable tungsten/tungsten carbide bar. DO IT RAY, YOU KNOW YOU WANT TO.

Actually that sounds like a great idea for a vert or drum where it can be more compact, just because of the density so you could still have a fuck-ton of weight in the bar. I have no idea how much that would cost, so maybe that’s the prohibitive bit. Also the brittleness, probably. Again, I don’t know my metallurgy.

Off the tangent, the boys at OYES did their homework and have already strategized based off seeing how Ray mounts his bar (and which way it spins), going for the biggest plow they have and determining which side to present to the bar to minimize damage.

Which is why they didn’t box rush and instead did more of a side step, a nice olé to get to Tombstone’s side. Tombstone was able to wheel around and make it more of a weapon to weapon than weapon to side hit, and from the recoil, both bots separated.

End Game got a nice carom off their wall. Tombstone managed to get its side perfectly stuck on the bit of wall that separates the screws. Which means it couldn’t wheel around and End Game was able to get around and hit the unwedged right side and pop Tombstone right over the wall. That’s an OOTA, that’s a KO. The fighting portion took about 10 seconds, and officially End Game wins by KO in 39 seconds. If Tombstone doesn’t get stuck it’s a nice, fun, epic, everything dies fight IMO, but hey, that’s BattleBots, Suzyn. I even made a meme that got dozens, nay, scores of reacts!

By the way, Tombstone has lost its last three fights (Bite Force, 2019 semis; Witch Doctor, 2019 re: MARS, which was filmed after the 2019 season; End Game). Worrisome? Weird? MAYBE.

With that that concludes the week’s fights. Next week we get battles such as the return of Sabertooth Cat Ghost Raptor, as it takes on Shatter!. We get the largest matchup when HUGE takes on Mammoth. And the main event: Witch Doctor vs. Hydra.

Here’s a new segment to conclude called Senor’s Sixteen. Basically it’s my current top 16 robots because dammit, I can has power rankings/projected seedings with how I think the rest of the season may go. Some of this will be obviously influenced by past performance in the early parts of the season, so consider it extremely fluid.

1. Witch Doctor (0-0)
2. End Game (1-0)
3. SawBlaze (1-0)
4. Tombstone (0-1)
5. Lock Jaw (1-0)
6. Hydra (0-0)
7. Son of Whyachi (0-0)
8. Icewave (0-0)
9. Black Dragon (0-0)
10. HUGE (0-0)
11. Bloodsport (1-0)
12. Whiplash (0-1)
13. Rotator (0-0)
14. Skorpios (0-1)
15. HyperShock (0-0)
16. Bronco (0-0)

Also considered: BETA, Valkyrie, Shatter!

And with that, we’ll see you next week.