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Your “What Do You Mean, There’s No Monday Nighter?” No Football Game Open Thread

scotchnaut

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I guess I shouldn’t complain, that past year was the very first time in ever that our eyebulbs watched NFL football every damn day of the week. Still… [looks wistfully off into the heavens]

There be only 4 teams left so a number of us are sorta whistling in the wind and wondering what to do. On Mondays I usually did a “Fallout” section so this evening I’m going to expand the parameters and folks can see where their teams are at, heading into the offseason. Many thanks to PFF, Spotrac and Google for the info.

TO THE FACTS!

Likely Salary Cap Victims:

All of these dudes will save their clubs a minimum of $10,000,000 bones

Trai Turner, Chargers

Kwon Alexander, Saints

David Johnson, Texans

Alshon Jeffrey, Eagles

Golden Tate, Giants

Malik Johnson, Eagles

Jimmy Graham, Bears

Geno Atkins, Bengals

Mark Ingram, Ravens

Thoughts- Feel sorry for Atkins, set adrift on memory bliss and all. He instantly shores up some team’s interior D as soon as he realizes he has something to play for. I figure David Johnson is out of the league.

Teams In Salary Cap Hell: (all figures in millions, duh)

Saints -99

Eagles -63

Falcons -32

Steelers -25

Packers -25

Rams -21

Texans -21

Raiders -18

Chiefs -18

Thoughts- Buyout package for Ben? Can guarantee that Mayock gave all of 10 minutes per week to his salary cap guy, if he has one. Arthur Smith is right fucked because Atlanta is all out of good rb’s and sure can’t afford one. Good to see that Philly has supplanted the Giants as the rebuilding team in the NFC East.

Teams In Salary Cap Heaven:

Jags +71

Colts +61

Jets +60

Pats +54

Bengalis +34

Bucs +27

Browns +24

Ravens +23

Fins +22

Team +22

Thoughts- Beware the Colts, a playoff team that can load up should they choose. Five of these ten played an extra game-an indication that the front office knows what they’re doing. (maybe Team just got lucky?)

Unrestricted Free Agents On The Horizon:

DAK!, P. Rivers, A.J. Green, Leonard Williams, Mark Ingram, Bud Dupree, Allen Robinson, Trent Williams, Russell Okung, T.Y. Hilton, J. Clowney, Justin Houston, Yannick Ngakoue, Ryan Kerrigan, Larry Fitz, GRONK, Sammy Watkins, Kenyan Drake, Marvin Jones, N. Suh, Truth Biscuit, Greg Olsen, Corey Davis, Josh Norman, Fitzmajik, Todd Gurley, John Ross, Olivier Vernon, Hunter Henry, Lavonte David, Leonard Floyd, Shaquil Barrett, Brandon Sherff, Jacoby Brissett, Patrick Peterson, Richard Sherman and many others.

Thoughts- Allen Robinson is getting a huge payday-imagine what his numbers would be if he had average qb-ing this year. Lots of one year “prove it” deals here. Dok should be delighted to find out that Kerrigan is on the market. Watkins/Green will be disappointed in their contract offers. GRONK retires.

Quibble using your scribble below.

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ballsofsteelandfury

HOLY SHIT PEOPLE TEMPTATION ISLAND IS BACK!!

Starts in February!

0
King Hippo

Hey, plus my kid got time and a half at Starbucks today!

/raises fist

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ballsofsteelandfury

Apparently, Blue Monday is an actual thing, not just a New Order song?

https://www.lofficielusa.com/wellness/what-is-blue-monday-new-years-resolutions-wellness-tips

In that case,

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FYH8DsU2WCk

1
Viva La Tabula Raza

Fats Domino, also.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Fy5WM1xYbGo

1
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

I feel like if I get some shitty weather for a few days in a row I should binge-watch Fringe.

0
Senor Weaselo

Fun fact! The lady whose dog Senorita Weaselo occasionally dog sits for…’s daughter was on that show. I have no idea what she did but if there’s a little girl, that’s her.

1
Dunstan

“I’d like to put my foot in her crease” — Rex Ryan

1
Dunstan

I’m a perfect match for them sexually. Sabres fans are used to disappointment.

3
Brick Meathook

I “cut the cord” about two years ago and got rid of my 1000-channel DirecTV and went to digital antenna (plus Netflix and Amazon Prime). That’s why I can’t watch games on ESPN.

I watched non-sports TV for the first time yesterday and discovered channel 13-3 in Los Angeles, which is the “M” channel (I think), which is programmed just like TCM, except it has occasional yet well placed commercial breaks.

I saw a movie that I had never heard of (which is rare for me) called Murder by Contract (1958). It was the tightest B-movie I’ve ever seen. I looked it up and it’s Martin Scorsese’s favorite film and was an inspiration for Taxi Driver.

Highly recommended, both the movie and the channel.

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ballsofsteelandfury

Do you have a digital antenna? There are some great channels available in LA.

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Brick Meathook

Yes I have a digital antenna. I got it at Best Buy from the greatest salesman ever.

ME: Which is the best digital antenna?

SALESMAN: Probably this one here.

ME: What makes it so good?

SALESMAN: I don’t know if it’s good, but it gets returned the least.

ME: I’ll take it!

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Brick Meathook

You have to tell me some of them. A few times I’ve poked around and go up to the higher-numbered channels, which is totally the “Asian Zone.”

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ballsofsteelandfury

5-2 Antenna TV – has 70s sitcoms
7-3 Laff TV – has 80s sitcoms
13-2 Buzzr – has old game shows
13-3 Movies – the one you saw
54-1 MeTV – old 70s shows
63-3 Retro TV – old movies

Try to stay away from the Religion Zone too.

1
ballsofsteelandfury

Pluto TV is great. Some months they have a 007 channel that plays all the Connery, Moore, and Dalton movies.

1
Dunstan

(wonders if you typed a B instead of an F there)

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ballsofsteelandfury

I LOOOOOVE hockey girls.

1
Dunstan

But I HAAAAAATE the Bruins.

1
ballsofsteelandfury

Tell her to take the jersey off.

1
ballsofsteelandfury

I do love NBCSN for that.

0
ballsofsteelandfury

Is Lindsay Vonn dating him?

1
Brick Meathook

When MLK visited New York City he loved to go to Ranger games with Malcolm X, who had season tickets.

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Brick Meathook

He was a big hockey fan.

1
Redshirt

Trump: “Why is Biden having a bunch of flags displayed on my National Yard?”
Melania: “Its the National Mall, and its symbolic for all those life lost in the COVID-19 Pandemic.”
Trump: “That’s stupid! It doesn’t help him in any way!”
Melania (resigned): “You’re right, as always.” (walks away, under her breathe) “Komaj čakam, da te zapustim.”
Trump: “I love you, too darling!”

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scotchnaut

Melania: “What’s love got to do, got to do with it?”

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Dunstan

Not sure that anyone has better illustrated the old adage that “whoever marries for money, ends up earning every penny.”

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scotchnaut

And she’s earned every penny!*

*on the dollar that was promised by The Trump Org.

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Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Do you think she divorces him within a year so she can claim for a share of the assets before he gets sued into oblivion, or do you think she just waits it out until he dies?

1
Dunstan

I don’t think there’s a ton of assets to get, net of liabilities. Better to stick around and get her share of the grift income.

1
ballsofsteelandfury

Yeah, she’s gonna get fucked with the liabilities. She’ll just continue fucking the pool boy and living apart from Trump.

1
Dunstan

Exactly, she gets most of the benefits of a divorce already. Only thing I guess she can’t do is openly date someone else, but doubt she gives a shit about that unless she’s got an actual rich dude lined up.

1
clint greasewood

Maybe she’ll snag some Greek shipping tycoon.

4
King Hippo

Hippo be livin’ his #BestWhiteLyf again – my Super Target finally had Fentiman’s Ginger Beer in stock today!!

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bk109

Is that statement your attempt to come out of the closet and reveal to us that you’re transitioning into a Brooklyn hipster?

1
King Hippo

I can nae grow even an ironic beard. I do still have sideburns tho.

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bk109

Ironic sideburns?

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scotchnaut

Dunstan’s “Great Qb’s On Lousy Teams” thingy reminded me of an argument I had with an ex.

She: “Ken Dryden is probably the greatest goalie of all time.”

Me: “He wasn’t even the best goalie of his era.”

She: “WHAT! Name me a better one!”

Me: “Bernie Parent.”

She: “Hah!” [buries me with a ton of stats relevant to Dryden]

Me: [the next day, after doing a bit of digging] “How many Hall of Famers did Dryden play with?”

She: “Too many to count!”

Me: “The answer is 15. Any idea how many Parent played with?”

She: ..

Me: “Two.”

She: “Fuck!”

2
King Hippo

This is the Most Canadia Story I have ever come across.

3
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Seriously. Just change the formatting to proper screenplay form, slap “A Canadian Love Story” title on it, and the DFO Insiders will have it into production by the end of the month.

2
scotchnaut

“You guys are so sweet! Can I have, oh, maybe, .0% of the profits? No? Okay. Cool.”

-Anon, Northern Ontario

2
BallsofLacrosseAndMapleSyrup

This is a Hallmark movie

2
ballsofsteelandfury

The victory sex was great, wasn’t it?

0
scotchnaut

She was the resentful type so, no. Pyrrhic Victory for the win!

/a good buddy of mine informed me that she is now a presence on local tv and radio when some aspects of Ottawa Senators fandom come to the fore.

1
Dunstan

Yeah, I’m a Habs fan, but I wouldn’t put Dryden even in the top five probably.

Off the top of my head, and in no particular order, Roy, Brodeur, Hasek, Parent all ahead. Tretiak if we’re including non-NHLers. I don’t know enough to really compare with older guys like Plante.

1
scotchnaut

I have to include Terry Sawchuk in your list but I can’t kick anyone out.*

*feeling like a bouncer at Dwayne Haskin’s girlfriend’s birthday party.

2
Dunstan

Hasek may be the quintessential “great goalie single-handedly dragging a mediocre team to the Finals.”

3
scotchnaut

As a Sens fan, on the last day of the 1997 season we needed to beat Hasek to get to the playoffs for the very first time. We didn’t need to beat Buffalo, we needed to beat Hasek. It happened. By the skin of our teeth.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kijOAMpZFQA&ab_channel=OttawaSenators

1
King Hippo

Man, are the Saints ever boned. They just kept on kicking a salary cap can down the road, year after year, riding that Breesus Train and hoping they’d catch fire in the playoffs once.

Now, you really WILL have to play a dude like Taysom at QB. And cut a lot of fuckers.

1
scotchnaut

The Eagles having to rebuild/having a qb problem and being 63,000,000 in the hole? You can say goodbye to their relevance for at least two years.

2
King Hippo

I mean, they pretty much have to play the cheap guy (Hurts) and fookin’ pray that Frank Reich really is sure he can fix Dakota Jeebus.

0
Redshirt

Just a friendly reminder that glasses are not necessarily a turn off and Bayley from WWE is sneaky gorgeous!

Bayley on Twitter: “I’m coming for all the turtlenecks in 2021. #dingdonghelloshow https://t.co/m0oW3pwZeD” / Twitter

1
ballsofsteelandfury

If I’m not mistaken, Juju is an unrestricted free agent as well. I’m sure he’ll garner a lot of attention…

0
Redshirt

The question is if he wants money or revenge on the Steelers (Baltimore, Cleveland).

1
bk109

Also, whether him turning to AB Junior in front of our very eyes is outweighed or not by the level of skill he’s managed to consistently put on display. Since I really don’t think that’s the case, I’m thinking Dallas, Houston or Washington grossly overpay him (and experience buyers’ remorse pre-first snap of the season)

1
Redshirt

Its like when Chad Johnson turned into Chad Ochocinco, except Juju’s not going through the motions and phoning it in.

1
bk109

At least Ocho’s somewhat self-aware (and plays up) to his “persona”, JuJu just seems to be just the latest in a long line of athletes that develop an unhealthy and unrealistic sense of their own worth.
Btw speaking of JuJu, the Yinzers can overpay him as well, probably accompanied by utree’s howls of horror not seen since… well, the last time JR escaped his room an’ did some wheelin’ and dealin’ for the Pens 😀

Last edited 5 years ago by bk109
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ballsofsteelandfury

Yinzers need to clean house. They need to move up in the draft to get Mac Jones, let Roethlisberger train him for a year, and then tell Ben to not let the door hit him on the ass on the way out.

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Redshirt

“Remember what I taught you, Mac: isolate the wingman and then that the tight end is wide open!”

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King Hippo

They should not have to move up to get Mac Jones. I also think Cam could easily run that offense.

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Redshirt

I don’t know, Hippo. Cam already destroyed one of the franchises I hate. I’m not sure I’m ready to see him destroy another one.
comment image

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ballsofsteelandfury

Word is that the Pats want Jones. They pick ahead of the Steelers.

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King Hippo

You don’t want to chase that hard, for a guy who really is a 2nd/3rd-round talent.

And the P*ts problem is overall lack of playmakers, not (just) QB. Not sure I see why Mac makes sense there.

1
bk109

They should’ve done that after Jax bounced them from the playoffs a couple of years back, so I doubt they’ll do this after a “successful” year .. After all, they were 11-0 at one point and that’s not a sign of a bad team, RIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIGHT XD

1
ballsofsteelandfury

You are correct that they should have done it two years ago. This year was pure coaching. Tomlin doesn’t get the credit he deserves.

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Redshirt

Ben Roethlisberger should get some credit, too. He started good, but since the Steelers had no running game (for the first time I can ever remember), they over-relied on Ben and at his age, he couldn’t answer the bell for an entire season.

1
ballsofsteelandfury

He had a full year off last year, so he should have been fresh. The way he faded out shows there’s very little left on the tank.

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scotchnaut

Tomlin doesn’t get the credit he deserves

He understands his team’s weaknesses and strengths better than the vast majority of coaches. Every. Year.

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