Monday Morning Mock Draft: Chapter The Whatever, It’s Hot And I’m Tired

One of the biggest things I miss from our old site was the mock drafts that used to run every Friday. Those were fantastic time wasters, and a good one was a virtual guarantee that you were going to be far from productive at work, as your day instead degenerated into arguments with strangers over who would be the best Saturday cartoon character to have sex with, (and now we all know how that would go), or some other equally inane topic, all of which were still more important than that TPS report deadline your boss was yelling about. Good times.

Well, it’s been long enough. After a discussion in the back channels yours truly is bringing it back, with some slight rule changes. The old site had 4-5 main contributors, one of whom may not have been real. So they’d do 2-3 rounds themselves, then kick it to the kommentariat to draft whatever was left over. You can do that when you’ve only taken 10-15 of whatever topic was up for drafting. We, however, are a much more connected group when it comes to the writin’ and draftin’ of things, so if we did that we’d easily take out 30-50 before we threw the bedraggled leftovers to our beloved readership. That’s no fun. So these drafts, which I expect to last as long as I remember to do them, (2-3 weeks), will just leap right into it.

Also, for content and alliteration reasons, we’ve moved the draft to Monday mornings, so get ready to kill your productivity right from the start.

First come, first served, subject to my randomly assigning the first pick to someone else, generally because they came up with the idea. Or because they bribed me. For now, please wait 10 picks or 30 minutes before making another one. That will be revised up or down depending on how much participation we get, which I hope will be a lot.

This week I’m back from a weekend road trip to romantic Syracuse, NY, (No Boeheims were harmed in the taking of said road trip), so at some point I’ll likely do a road trip mock draft.

Syracuse will not go high.

That said, it will not be this week. This week comes from Armed & Hammered, who suggested “Movie You Saw That You Would Not Watch Again Because It Was Too Disturbing.” This is an excellent idea because a) I don’t have to do any thinking, and b) we all get to shit on ‘The Blair Witch Project’ again. And again. And again, and again, and so on and so forth.

Rules:

You have to have seen at least part of the movie, or read the source material, (why should be apparent in my first pick), and found it either too tough to get through, knew what was coming and ‘Nope’d’ your way right the hell out of there, or had read the source material and had no intention of ever seeing what they could do with that story and some celluloid.

With the first pick I take ‘The Road’, the movie version of Cormac McCarthy’s novel of the same name. I read that book, which is brilliant, once, on an airplane, and halfway through that plane could have piled it into a mountain and I’d have been just fine. As good as that book is, one read was enough for me. There are parts of it that have stuck with me ever since, and not in a good way. I watched the movie right up until it got to the first of those parts, and then I checked the fuck out. No regrets at all.

The rest of you: