[DOOR FLIES OPEN]

"This site goes down so often we oughta change the name to “Dating Nancy Reagan”" – Horatio

Log In

Nobody Loves a Muggy Night (Thread)

King Hippo

/

Eddie Rabbit should have done this as a sequel, you know.

That is one of the earliest songs I recall from childhood, but I know absolutely (for some strange reason) that this is the very first.  I swear I recall a clock radio playing it while I was in a crib (and as I just learned, it was indeed released the year of me birth – 1973):

Then again, I do lots of drugs.  So what do I know, reallty.

Canadia team is doing the traditional Canadia swoon at the conference final level.  Dirty Erlers are home to the Dirt Donks, looking to dig a nice 0-3 hole (8:00, TNT).  I mean, it’s either watch that or jerk off, I guess.  Which makes the Baby Jeebus cry.

5 3 votes
Article Rating
Tags:

Leave a Reply

Subscribe
Notify of
136 Comments
Inline Feedbacks
View all comments
Gumbygirl

My darling dears, Gumbygirl is going to toddle off to dreamland. Goodnight, good luck!

facebook_1654049815408_6937587756967084855_314936948677776(1).jpg
3
BeefReeferLives

Later, tater! Have fun trying to lock that door with a herring.

0
Mr. Ayo

Ha, a friend just tried to introduce me to a lady named Tiffany. As always I’m going to be alone. HOWEVAH, that’s not the point of this story.

For those of you that are not aware or have somehow by happenstance avoided a friendship or relationship with a Tiffany, Congratulations. Keep it that way.

The popular opinion is a lady named Tiffany is crazy. While I don’t think that’s universally applicable or an appropriate description, it definitely is true in my experience. As a result, if your name is Tiffany I will want and have nothing to do with you, (Sorry to the Tiffany that’s reading this, you might be the exception, just send me a DM and references)

Now, some may say, this is a form of discrimination. To those I would say you should see my text messages, listen to my voicemails, and review my Facebook messages. Are all these communications from the same Tiffany, you might ask. You might also ask how many of them were sent in the last month. To that I will only say Yes and more than there were days in that month.

Make no mistake, [Redacted – Author is out of line]

1
Brick Meathook

comment image

0
Mr. Ayo

Another iPhone 11 mini photo no doubt.

Just checked and this photo is heavily modified, resized, and cropped.

Shame you can’t share TOOLCO worthy images and videos here.

0
Brick Meathook

You gotta pay for TOOLCO worthy images.

A buck each.

1
Mr. Ayo

Absolute bargain at that price.

0
Horatio Cornblower

-sigh-

THIS FIGHT, I CALL IT THERMOPYLAE, BECAUSE THE GREEK GUY LOST AND JOE TESSITORE WAS ANNOUNCING IT, SO REALLY WHAT’S ONE MORE CLICHE?

2
Mr. Ayo

Wish THC didn’t make me nauseous now that it’s legal here. I’ll just pretend by drinking way too much vodka. And I’ll put this on the big speakers and turn it up to 11.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hsr4PmeEocE&t=1s

2
BeefReeferLives

Shame about the nausea.. But there are other ways to get high. Like really, REALLY high, m’kay.

view-source:https://southpark.cc.com/video-clips/lwxoxj/south-park-really-really-high-m-kay

Last edited 3 years ago by BeefReeferLives
1
Mr. Ayo

Did you just send me to a commercial? What in the actual fuck!

0
BeefReeferLives

What? Commercial?? Hell no. That’s a link to the clip of Mr. Mackey explaining how huffing cat pee can get you “really REALLY high”. (no direct clip of that available on yt since it’s locked down)

1
Gumbygirl

He has a very short attention span. It’s because he was born yesterday. Don’t worry about it.

1
Mr. Ayo

I remember that Friday so fondly. Just like it was yesterday.

1
BeefReeferLives

Weird though. Takes me straight to ccentral page with the clip, which starts right up w no bs commercials or shit. Sorry if it started up some boner pill ad on ya…

1
Mr. Ayo

It only did that the first time. Works like a peach now.

2
BeefReeferLives

Well jolly good then. Wouldn’t want to inadvertently spam ya.

2
Mr. Ayo

This is somehow worse. My kitty died several years ago and I still can’t get the cat piss smell out of his litter box area.

Also, the link works now.

2
Gumbygirl

It’s just your cat letting you know he’s still an asshole. Cats, man.

1
BeefReeferLives

Aww. Sorry bout that. I lost a special little guy a couple of years ago. Still hurts a bit, but we were lucky to know him…

Only solution is to get another cat, or maybe a few more cats….

Last edited 3 years ago by BeefReeferLives
1
Mr. Ayo

Alright, so this probably won’t be a surprise to folks here. But, I ate all the glue paste in 2nd grade. And I did the asphyxiation thing in middle school. To the point I stumbled down a driveway and scraped up my face and forehead.

Have to say, getting high on meth or LDS later in life was way better and never caused me physical damage.

1
Gumbygirl

Those Mormons will get you OFF!

0
BeefReeferLives

but only if you’re wearing the special underwear…

1
BeefReeferLives

comment image

1
Horatio Cornblower

Two judges had it 116-112, which is insanely bad scoring. other one had it 118-110.

Close to a brawl in the ring afterwards, and still a lot of jawing back and forth, so naturally we cut to Sports Center, because that’s way better than an in-ring brawl.

0
Brick Meathook

They can’t show fighting at a fight. It encourages fighting.

2
BeefReeferLives

“Gentlemen, no fighting in the fight room”

comment image

1
Brick Meathook

comment image

1
BeefReeferLives

& ESPECIALLY no custard pie fights in the fight room

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WRXACrjcdwI

0
Horatio Cornblower

9-3 my final score. US guy jumps on ropes yelling “what happened? what happened?” to the crowd, which responds with booing and double birds.

I gather there was a fair amount of shit-talking before the fight, with the Aussie calling the US guy a ‘snitch’, for reasons I don’t understand. Regardless, Aussie guy essentially invited thousands of his countrymen to see the fight, shit-talked his opponent, and then spent 12 rounds getting thoroughly out-boxed.

The key question, however, is which fighter is represented by Don King.

1
Horatio Cornblower

8-3. Can’t wait to see the judges screw the US guy out of (justified) fear for their lives

0
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

We’re watching the Brazilian version of Love at First Sight. Unlike the Japanese couples, whose idea of intimacy was “being in the same room at the same time”, these couples couldn’t WAIT to bone.

1
Horatio Cornblower

7-3 US.

Joe Tessitore is falling into cliches and missing shots. It’s a lot like MNF.

Aussie’s crew is swearing at him.

1
Horatio Cornblower

I’m going to guess the judges give the Aussie that one, even though they shouldn’t. 6-3.

Three rounds to go. Also US guy is getting a little cocky and dropping his hands even more. His corner should tell him to not do that.

0
Horatio Cornblower

6-2. That round wasn’t close. US guy holds his left awfully low, considering he clearly isn’t looking to get into a power shot competition with this guy. He better keep up his D.

Are we just not doing phrasing anymore?

1
Gumbygirl

Time Bandits coming on Comet.

0
Horatio Cornblower

Can somebody please get Comet a paper towel or something?

1
BeefReeferLives

comment image

3
Mr. Ayo

Thought I was on pornhub for a second.

3
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Did you search for “Heaven’s Gate”?

1
Mr. Ayo

I see I need to upgrade my security here.

Wait, I mean of course not! lol

2
Horatio Cornblower

5-2 US guy. Greco-Aussie’s guys face is starting to look like he’s been trying to stop thousands of Persians by standing in front of them and just absorbing attacks.

I wonder if anyone’s tried that before, and if so how it worked out.

2
Horatio Cornblower

4-2 US guy.

Aussie-Greek fella landed some shots that round. Nothing harmful, but looked better. US guy needs to throw a right hook behind the jab. it’s been there all night.

Damien Lillard is in the crowd. This is a big deal, according to people who know who Damien Lillard is.

I am not one of them, but I’m sure he’s nice.

0
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Dame Lillard >> Dame Judy Dench but only with regards to basketball

1
Horatio Cornblower

4-1 US guy. Best round for our Spartan loving competitor. Strictly from a boxing point of view I think the US guy probably had a slight edge, but this fight is in Melbourne, AUS, and well

comment image

1
Horatio Cornblower

4-0 USA! USA! USA!

If you don’t think I’m sitting on a Thermopolyae joke if this keeps up you clearly haven’t been paying attention.

And if you think I know how to spell Thermopolyae, you’re going to be disappointed.

0
Mr. Ayo

Look, we all have our weak points. No need to be embarrassed about it.

For future reference, the correct spelling is Thermopylae. Can’t be upsetting Zymm around here.

2
Gumbygirl

Where in the world is Zymm?

1
Horatio Cornblower

Thermopylae.

Pay attention, geez.

2
Brick Meathook

comment image

1
Mr. Ayo

Dammit, where’s the video link?

0
Brick Meathook

https://vimeo.com/717185399

1
Mr. Ayo

Can you share the original video with sound?

Also, what camera, lens, and gear are you using? I’m trying to capture the real sensation of driving on track and your videos capture a lot of that on the street.

0
Brick Meathook

That is the original video. It’s shot with an iPhone 12, with the wide lens selected, mounted on a Joby mini tripod on the dash. There is no sound. The iPhone timelapse recording setting defaults at 1fps for videos under 10 minutes real-time recording; if you record over 10 minutes it starts throwing out frames and increasing the playback speed so that the final video never exceeds 30 seconds real time. Which is stupid. So never exceed 10 minutes recording time for driving because 1fps is pretty good.

OR: You can use a third party iPhone app for more frame rate control. Skyflow is good but there’s a bit of a learning curve.

OR: You can shoot the iPhone video in real time and then speed it up later in post. Adobe Premier has a very simple to use frame-rate stretch tool that is actually very sophisticated in its image processing. This is the most versatile method but you have to get Premier (which is worth it if you make videos).

The iPhone 12 (and now the 13) are amazing cameras and are light years above their predecessors. I use the iPhone 12 Mini because it is smaller and less obtrusive. When I got the iPhone it made my thousand dollar Sony RX100VA (with a fixed Zeiss f/1.8 zoom lens) obsolete and I sold it.

Last edited 3 years ago by Brick Meathook
2
Mr. Ayo

As always, I don’t believe you.

My other totally real internet friends will know that this was shot with a Sony RX100VA and sped up in Adobe Premier.

0
Brick Meathook

Nope, iPhone 12 Mini

https://vimeo.com/717189861

1
Mr. Ayo

I just looked up this alleged “iPhone 12 mini” and now know you’re full of it. Typical LA resident.

0
Brick Meathook

Yes, I’m “full of it” if by “it” you mean cocaine and opiates, which cancel each other out so I’m completely unimpaired. Sometimes I’ll use a little more or less of one, causing a net effect and giving myself what we in Los Angeles call “a buzz” or “being buzzed;” some other locals call it “high.” When I get “high” I like to wear a beret and sandals.

2
Mr. Ayo

Time to move to LA I guess.

0
Horatio Cornblower

3rd round US guy as well, but fight is dull. His defense is excellent, and he relied on it heavily in that round.

Which does not sell tickets.

Crowd is getting quiet, but maybe they’re just shotgunning cans of Foster’s, and need a second or two.

0
Horatio Cornblower

2nd round for me goes to US as well. Picking him apart with the jab, but announcer guy is exactly right that the Greco-Aussie guy is clearly getting his timing down on his right as US guy closes in.

I suspect US guy is gonna get clipped good and hard soon.

0
Horatio Cornblower

US fighter clearly wins the first round. Still needs a KO to win, because he’s out of his fucking mind if he thinks the judges in this stadium are giving him a decision. I wouldn’t, because I would like to live to judge another fight.

0
Horatio Cornblower

Aussie guy has tattoos of ‘300’ type stuff all over him and named his son Leonidas, because he’s a big fan of the Spartans, and also apparently never finished that reading assignment.

1
Horatio Cornblower

Australia has the largest population of Greeks in the world, outside of Greece. That’s a fact that Joe Tessitore just told me, so I’m going to take that with a big ol’ grain of souvlaki.

3
Horatio Cornblower

The Aussies tried to bar the US fighter’s father from the country because of a 30-year-old conviction, which is pretty rich coming from a country fathered by the progeny of felons.

2
Horatio Cornblower

Christ, the fighters are just now coming to the ring.

comment image

Last edited 3 years ago by Horatio Cornblower
4
Mr. Ayo

I would so disappoint her. After Pam, Malory, and Lana.

If I missed anyone I apologize.

2
Horatio Cornblower

All you need is good grip strength. She finds out you’ve got good grip strength and you’ll be able to drown a toddler in her underwear.

3
Mr. Ayo

Mini Mr. Ayo can attest to my grip strength.

Apologies in advance for all of those toddlers.

2
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

He said you’d be *able* to, not to actually do it, you monster.

2
Mr. Ayo

I apologized! That counts, right?

1
Horatio Cornblower

ESPN is showing a boxing match from Australia, and it’s like the middle of the night tomorrow there, so they can show the fight here in the US now, (which tells you where the money is), and the crowd is absolutely hammered.

1
Horatio Cornblower

They booed the fuck out of the US national anthem. They cheered for the Greek anthem, (one of the fighters is Greco-Aussie, apparently), and went nuts for ‘Advance Australia, Fair, their own anthem, which somewhat surprisingly doesn’t mention kangaroos, convict ships, or crimes against the Aboriginal peoples.

2
Mr. Ayo

Speaking of beinging hammered, I’m high fiving everyone.

Last edited 3 years ago by Mr. Ayo
3
Horatio Cornblower

In Australia!?

0
Mr. Ayo

Crap, I can’t do a handstand right now, so no.

No wait, I can do a low five. Does that count? Fuck it, it counts in my book.

1
King Hippo

Just noticed that my right-sided partnership (2150-51 Pretend Man City) is Christian at right back, Mohammad down the wing. I am suitably amused.

0
WCS

Is that code for pounding off? I’m not judging, just confused.

1
King Hippo

One can see why the CFL squadron done changed its name. Ice Eskimos would be pretty galdurn redundant.

0
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

If I had a youtube channel with hundreds of thousands of followers one thing I’d do is make a ten second video of a single Kobe Bryant pass to a teammate and title it “Kobe Bryant’s Greatest Career Assists”.

3
Mr. Ayo

Settle down Bill.

2
WCS

comment image

4
Gumbygirl

You have no idea how much I love this. Gumby is a Bill.

4
WCS

comment image

4
Gumbygirl

Yes.

2
WCS

comment image

3
Mr. Ayo

Poor Bill. I always forget how depressing he is as a character.,

1
King Hippo

nah, depressing would be THE MOP

4
Mr. Ayo

Holy shit that’s dark.

Imagine you were that head board though.

3
King Hippo

Thank you for reminding me how grateful I am that Kobe Bryant is still ded.

1
King Hippo

Ice Elks must have thought the game was only 3 seconds long smh (and TV off, wallowing in me shame quietly now)

1
Mr. Ayo

Switch to Dominos.

Here’s the thing. Pizza Hut is now cancelled. But before that, they changed their sauce. Which totally overpowers the flavor of the rest of the pizza. And, of course, it still causes heart burn due to its high salt content.

Dominos, as we know for the advertisements, changed their recipe in the last few years. And it worked! The pizza is good! And it doesn’t cause as much heart burn as Pizza Hut.

My first caveat here, is my last order took 1 hour before it even started and BIG PIZZA gave me two (2) coupons for my next order as a result. 20% off and 100% off my next order. Both have now expired as I can’t wait 1 hour for a shame pizza even if it’s free.

My second, and last caveat, that will invalidate all of my opinions on this matter is that Little Caesars Hot’N’Ready takeout is miles better than both. Crazy Bread is the best cooked dough to ever exist as well.

1
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

I was rocking out pretty hard to this song in the garage today. It came on at the perfect time – right as I was done doing actual work and it was time to tidy up and then have dinner.

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=nEidbkibsiE

0
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Has anyone heard an update from TheRevanchist?

0
WCS

No, unfortunately.

0
Gumbygirl

I was wondering too.

0
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

I am proud of this tweet:

https://mobile.twitter.com/doorfliesopen/status/1533144993136709632

1
Mr. Ayo

Can’t wait for page 47.

0
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

These stupid fucking internet tough guys, watch a video, see everything that happens from start to finish from a bird’s eye view, and yeah, of course they have a brilliant plan for what they would have done.

2
Mr. Ayo

Same moRans that think arming school teachers will solve anything.

2
yeah right

Fox really shouldn’t have AJ Pierzynski announcing for Cards – Cubs. He’s clearly rooting for the Cards.
First of all he PLAYED for St. Louis and second of all…

comment image

Last edited 3 years ago by yeah right
1
King Hippo

don’t b all jelly smh

0
yeah right

I love that picture. Went to a game at Wrigley just a few weeks after this happened and one of the t-shirt hawkers out front had this on a shirt with the caption “Who says the Cubs can’t hit?”

Yes it was another sub par season for the North Siders.

3
Horatio Cornblower

Back from the wedding. Wife nailed the ceremony. I brought my own beer. The weather was perfect. A good time was had by all.

7
King Hippo

Why did you have to go? In case they tried stiffing your wife on her fee?

1
Horatio Cornblower

We’ve known the parents for 30+ years.

2
Mr. Ayo

HAHA. Bissonette looks ridiculous.

0
ballsofsteelandfury

Ayo, do you actually golf as TWBS wrote in the post that was linked in the previous post?

I played a hilarious round today. Shoes fell apart at the 3rd and 9th holes.

2
Mr. Ayo

I not only golf, I’m also a member of a private golf course.

Unfortunately, the LPGA lasses have not stopped by to join my group as yet.

1
ballsofsteelandfury

Nice! I played at a private course in Gumbygirl’s hood. Retired co-worker organized a tourney. Lots of fun and did not embarrass myself even though I haven’t played in years.

2
Mr. Ayo

I try to remind everyone when playing with me that you can’t embarrass yourself. Golf is about having fun outdoors while exercising.

With copious amounts of drink for those that partake.

1
ballsofsteelandfury

Indeed. It’s more me embarrassing myself. I’m not good by any stretch of the imagination (109 today), but as long as I keep it inbounds and don’t lose too many balls, I’m good.

3
Mr. Ayo

I play all the time and only rarely break 90. Score doesn’t matter at all.

Now, where’s that cart girl?

2
King Hippo

a’igth y’all done got mines and Gumbygirl’s. Ice Footy is boring (as usual). Let’s hear them CRIB SONGS

0
Mr. Ayo

This ice footy contest is great despite your claim.

But if you think crib songs are better the more power to you.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GCUdV7tHmEA

0
King Hippo

all it has going for it is not being el beisbol nor The Association

0
Mr. Ayo

#BFIB strike again!

0
Gumbygirl

So you actually were born yesterday?

1
Mr. Ayo

You’re far too smart for my own good.

1
yeah right

I owned that Jim Croce album on 8-track. Track for track it was rock solid.

THIS right here is a massive influence and an early (non-Beatles) influence.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BnRsaHXHznQ

3
King Hippo

yeah right just might be The Dude??

1
yeah right

I do indeed have a Ralph’s card.

2
WCS

Pay for 99 cents with a check or GTFO

1
Gumbygirl

You weren’t still in the crib when that came out, I hope! I’m pretty sure you’re only a little younger than me!

1
yeah right

No I actually bought this album, Cosmos Factory, myself, with money I made delivering newspapers.

Crib wise my parents listened to Sinatra and Perry Como and Ma was a big fan of Mario Lanza.

Last edited 3 years ago by yeah right
1
Gumbygirl

My older sister had that one.

0
King Hippo

Apparently “rough play” only becomes a penno if’ your BLACK

0
King Hippo

Ice VAR boooooo

1
Mr. Ayo

Biz Nasty getting a buzz cut is great.

Go AVS!

Last edited 3 years ago by Mr. Ayo
0
King Hippo

I just contributed to Pizza Hut winning the “War Against Wokeness.” HUZZAH FOAR SHAME PIZZA!!! And GO CANADIA

4
Mr. Ayo

Perfect comedy.

comment image

4
Gumbygirl

I was in 7th grade in 1973. Old as fuck!

2
King Hippo

You probably remember that crib song, then!

1
Gumbygirl

My crib song was The Twist.

1
Gumbygirl

https://youtu.be/im9XuJJXylw

0
WCS

comment image

7
136
0
Would love your thoughts, please comment.x
()
x