Hello there fellow DFO’er. Hope you’re well today. And thanks for coming back to see last weeks comments of the week as decided by my brain. There’s no reason as to why some comments make it and others don’t. Seriously. There isn’t.
This weeks cheesy motivational quote is:
If you want to be a writer, you must do two things above all others: read a lot and write a lot [in bed].
Stephen King
While not funny this stupid bit still works here.
As a reminder, Sunday comments stand alone and Monday comments will go on the next week’s post.
Note that during the offseason, I’ll probably look at the Sunday posts.
Without further ado, here are the comments of the week.
gretzky/NWA era kings were god-tier
fleshwound_NPG
Hey, Fleshwound is back!
How the hell are ya?
WCS
still waiting for virginia mccaskey to die, hopefully before justin fields does this year
fleshwound_NPG
- All right, fine, it appears my pleas to the Commissioner have fallen on deaf ears – “SUCK IT, YOU FABRIC-EATING STINKBAG!*” With my REAL first pick, I’ll take the 2021 Essendon Bombers Indigenous Guernseys:
*I am sure Tim Gunn smells very nice.
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly
THIS GUY, RIKKI-TIKKI-DEADLY, I CALL HIM THE TALIBAN BECAUSE AS SOON AS HE DOESN’T GET HIS WAY, HE TURNS TO THE BOMBERS TO MAKE A POINT!
LemonJello
Redshirt
A reminder from one of the guys in my league:
Ridley bet $1500 and got suspended six more games than Watson.
Fuck Roger Goodell.
BrettFavresColonoscopy
Kids: Uncle Horatio is hallucinating about Emmitt Smith again!
Uncle Balls: Just give him a Treehouse beer and let him be. He’s suffered enough.
ballsofsteelandfury
Holy shit I didn’t see those book covers WCS posted first run. I am WHEEZING with fucking laughter.
Fronkenshteen
I love fake book covers!
Gumbygirl
Found a funny;
Whoever has my voodoo doll can you please stop putting olive oil on my shirt
rockingdog
Don T
This seems like a job for The Maestro.
litre_cola
The world is a sock sandwich?
Mr. Ayo
I just ate a serrano pepper to prove a point to my son. The point is that I am an idiot.
litre_cola
Oh so you think you’re the only one around here who can shit his pants with tears in his eyes!? I’ll show you!!
Horatio Cornblower
I don’t think we’ll be hitting the Continent this year, (someone in this house is bound and determined to have a new kitchen and to say that the project is escalating out of control would be understating things), but I would like to get a couple of long weekends in Savannah and maybe Memphis or San Antonio before the year is out.
Horatio Cornblower
WCS
WOW, just saw That’s Rikki’s Raiders! just cut their 2021 first round pick (Leatherwood), and I don’t think he even killed or raped anyone.
King Hippo
According to Rappaport they tried to trade him but got 32 “no”s. Since there are only 31 potential trader partners, I presume that means some team said “no” twice.
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly
I’ve got my fantasy draft tonight, and since I do zero of my own research and have the memory of a goldfish, I will be doing my best to pick up every single player that Boris mentions in this post.
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly
Even the ones he says to avoid, because my reading comprehension is very, very poor.
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly
Just did a mock draft where 4 of my planned picks were taken 1-2 picks before I would have grabbed them.
Suffice it to say I am now ready for tonight’s draft.
Horatio Cornblower
Gumby is lying on the couch watching something on his phone. He was dancing, flat on his back. I thought he was having a fucking seizure.
Gumbygirl
“This is a simple case of ‘Dancing With Himself’-I’ve seen this too many times to count. Nothing to worry about. Ah, Ha, Ha, Ha, Ha Ho.”
-Dr. Billy Idol
scotchnaut
It’s like Yahoo knows who I am:
“Whatever the plan going into the draft, it surely didn’t involve collecting such a small group of stars, as Balls’ Butt Bonanza put together a bottom-heavy group of players.”
ballsofsteelandfury
Sarah Palin out of work again, she might have to wander to a wasteland even more desolate and sparse than the wilds of Alaska, [Herodotus didn’t pay his comedy writers this month so we didn’t finish this joke].
herodotus450
I’m using “Brick’s Left Foot”
Thank you, Gumbygirl!
ballsofsteelandfury
Why not? He isn’t.
Horatio Cornblower
Had knee surgery and was given plenty of pills. Got visions of women’s shoulders dancing in my head right now. Why? Not a clue.
scotchnaut
WCS
Haven’t seen a West Virginia receiver fuck up that bad since the female cousin forgot to take her birth control.
SonOfSpam
“Cousin? Sister too fast for you, pussy?”
Horatio Cornblower
Also, BrittFar in legal trouble and I am okay with that.
SonOfSpam
Backdoor Brawl is pretty entertaining!
SonOfSpam
Balls reviewing adult films on another site?
litre_cola
Colo[U]r Commentator: “You know its always a bad sign when a young man from Penn State is forced into the locker….”
(feed is cut; hastily written Technically Difficulties sign is held up)
Redshirt
I’m on pill #6, Hippo. The knee doesn’t hurt anymore, colors can feel me, scotch tastes like prune juice, I want to fry six eggs for no reason.
scotchnaut
Anybody had a fantasy draft yet? I had my first last night, in a 12 team league with the 8th pick I started Henry/Adams/Allen and was pretty happy.
Darkest Timeline Zack Morris
I got Mahomes/ChildAbuser/James Conner
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly
I think that was a stretch for Adrian Peterson.
litre_cola
A fly just flew in my wine. DAY RUINED.
litre_cola
“I too know the pain of having your day ruined by the actions of a common housefly.” – Mike Pence
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly
Or bee – Doug Ford
litre_cola
I was offline last night, but rest assured, I enjoyed every minute of Sarah Palin crashing and burning in her home state. It was beautiful.
Redshirt
Just got my official letter from my prep high school with the information about my Sports Hall of Fame induction this fall.
Below is misspelled as blow.
blaxabbath
Family update: nephew who was secondary coach and TE coach of the Reedley fucking Tigers! Decided to advance his agenda.
He moved his entire family from the California central valley to…
East Peoria Illinois. That’s right.
His job is offensive coordinator of a high school team that has lost 28 games prior to his arrival.
Their first game, last week, they lost 56-0.
Making then 0-29. They haven’t won a game since 2018.
Not a single starter on their team had won a game.
They won tonight 32-26.
That had to be one hell of a happy, yet very smelly bus ride from Aurora to Peoria.
They fucking won their first game in 4 years.
Good on ya nephew. Good on ya!
yeah right
Raise a glass. Legend!
Gumbygirl
I’ve got some really old Campari. It still makes a decent Negroni but weirdly enough it smell like cocaine
Doktor Zymm
And NOW we know how Dok can travel such great distances so often on little-to-no sleep, while simultaneously running a lair under a volcano.
WCS
Nerd point: A trebuchet is a type of catapult
Doktor Zymm
I’m drunk. And even though I may not say it often, I love the lot of you. Good night, my virtual friends. And forgive my transgressions, as they are not meaning harm. I’m just a simple person who isn’t sure how to function and be a better person.
Good night to you all.
TheRevanchist
Eh, who among us hasn’t stolen an airplane and crashed it into a Walmart?
Gumbygirl
It’s their fault for not putting a landing strip on the roof!
Doktor Zymm
Are we talking about Rikki’s manscaping again? The landing strip is a bit 90’s, but he manages to pull it off very well.
TheRevanchist
Did I just find another website that will make me an orange creamsicle jersey with the #63 and ‘Selmon’ on the back, while making it clear that said shirt is in no way affiliated with any particular player, team, or league?
Yes. Yes I did.
/I also ordered a green Whalers jersey with the #1 and ‘Liut’ on the back, because Litre will no longer taunt me with his by God!
Horatio Cornblower
…and this is what he actually receives:
WCS
I would set up a booth in Buffalo and try to sell those with a huge shit eating grin on my face
TheRevanchist
You’d sell out in 10 minutes. Hell, I’d buy one!
Gumbygirl
I already hated Guiness beer, but their paying Joe Fucking Montana has made me feel even strongly-er
King Hippo
I like Guinness. Had some after attending the regional agricultural fair today. Highlight of my year. Shame about the 4H cows in the semi crash and the avian flu outbreak, mind, but they have a men only division of the white bread competition that I think I’ll be taking a run at next year.
I’ve tried to find a good local stout but all these craft jobs feel the need to make it chocolate or raspberry or “sustainably terrible”.
BC Dick
I’d trademark “sustainably terrible” that is marketing GOLD
King Hippo
Now that my parlay is no longer in play, I don’t need Notre Dame to cover the spread.
Lay it on, Buckeyes. Beat those Catholics so hard, it’ll make Jesus’ time at Golgotha feel like a trip to the spa!
Redshirt
Redshirt
My draft prep for the TWBS memorial lge consists of beers in the backyard with a, pug, tunes and a large 5 year old running through a sprinkler.
litre_cola
Jesus took a nasty blow there, but he’ll be back in three days if I know him.
Horatio Cornblower
I took an extra recreational dose of my powerful opiate pain medicine. I normally always take less, sometimes half the prescribed dose, just so I can save it up for times like this. I’m kicked back in bed with a dozen pillows, left leg elevated at 30° (which is really good for it) and I’ve been like this for six hours, sleeping mostly. If I close my eyes I can float off the bed, and it feels absolutely real. Yet in the middle of it I still did a New York Times Sunday crossword in 24 minutes 51 seconds. None of the answers were correct.
Brick Meathook
“Does this medicine have a name/availability?”
-. K Hippo
blaxabbath
sounds like dilaudid!
King Hippo
/Hippo sniffs bottle
I’d say, 2021, manufactured in…India, likely the Gujarat region. Good terroir, that.
Horatio Cornblower
THIS SUNDAY GRAVY [ poutine edition] I CALL IT THE CHICAGO BEARS BECAUSE THE SEASON IS OVER IN SEPTEMBER AND ITS MOST FAMILIAR FANS SHOULD EXPECT A HEART ATTACK IN THE NEXT 45 DAYS!
blaxabbath
Right now the Dr. Mrs. wants to rearrange all the bowls in our kitchen so that they all fit into the available space, but are also easy to access and nothing heavy is on an upper shelf. It’s basically this:
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly
Sunday Gravy is always a great feature here, and I’ve made a couple of them as well.
Another outstanding season, I hope there are more.
Great work yeah right!
Brick Meathook
If you folks get the CFL on television you should switch it to the Bombers-Riders game. This is why those weeny baby dinky dummies who complain about divisions in sports are wrong.
Familiarity breeds contempt and that makes for good football games.
BC Dick
I hate those green fucks
litre_cola
“I had referred to the people of Saskatchewan as a bunch of banjo-pickin’ inbreds,” said Westwood, with a straight face. “I was wrong to make such a statement, and I’d like to apologize.”
“The vast majority of the people in Saskatchewan have no idea how to play the banjo.”
BC Dick
Thanks for all the comments and funny and everything else.
Stay busy and safe out there.
NOTE banner image from here
Stuck in the rapid care waiting room, sweating like a pig, and wanting to cough out loud, which will just get me dirty looks. I hate dr offices.
And now some dude is playing music from his phone. He has his volume on for some reason. What an asshole.
If you know the song, sing it really loud two inches from his ear!
I meant to update the post, but I’m using “Sustainably Terrible” as my Fantasy football team name in my work pool. It has to be a bit more PG with my manager as part of the pool.
Thanks BC Dick.
a few years ago, my team name was “My Ball Zac Ertz” and it was shown, along with all the other team names, in a company wide meeting. Nothing was said, but trying not to have that convo
I am not in a season long league this year, so I am offering up my favorite team name: Bright Lights, Big CTE. Use it in good health, anyone.
That cat of Brick’s is transporting me to a higher plane of consciousness… om mani padme hum… or maybe I’m just hungry? Could be that. Or something else entirely.
New thread idea; “Brick Cat”. Commenters relate the most bizarre thing that entered their head that week. Most “+” gets a fondue set or some game appropriate shit like that.
Brick’s Cat:
Brick’s Other Cat:
Brick’s cornering the market on mesmerizing pussy.