2021 PREDICTION: 13-4, AFC Champions

2021 REALITY: 11-6, Divisional Round loss in an instant classic

It is dark times for the Buffalo Bills faithful. It’s not just Eric from Lackawanna putting his injury settlement on the line picking them to go to the Super Bowl. It’s everyone. The Bills are currently 7:2 favorites to win the AFC and 6:1 favorites at Caesars to win the whole fucking thing.

There is nothing more depressing to a Bills fan than an expectation of success. We can’t cope with it, because of our near-religious faith in The Narrative.

The Narrative has taught us that we can’t have nice things.

The Narrative holds that even after the other shoe has dropped, there will somehow be a third, larger shoe that kicks us squarely in the balls.

The Narrative is God, if the only version of God was the asshole “Trading Places” one in the Book of Job.

So being favored in anything feels like a death sentence. A guarantee that Josh Allen’s right shoulder will spontaneously combust in garbage time of Week 5, even after he’s been pulled from the game, or that Putin will launch his missiles with 2 minutes left in the AFC Championship and the Bills up by 10.

Western New York is the land of the underdog, the Puncher’s Chance, the Impossible Dream. Sneaking into the playoffs? Yes! Starting from the pole? Nooooo!

I understand the optimism on everyone else’s part. The team is returning the core of its most successful team in decades for a third season, and added pieces to shore up weak points (notably Von Miller and Rodger Saffold). Conversely, their three biggest rivals lost key pieces: Tyreek Hill from the Chiefs, AJ Brown from the Titans and The Suspension of All Laws of Nature from the Bengals.

If there are weak points remaining, they are at cornerback and punter. The cornerback situation is that Tre’Davious White is out at least 4 games recovering from last year’s horrendous knee injury, leaving us with Dane Jackson and rookie Kaiir Elam starting on the outside. The punter situation is that we drafted what appears to be a monsterous human being and were forced to retreat when his alleged monstrosity was made public. No doubt this means our season will end on a botched punt.

The biggest off-season change was Everyone’s Slob Uncle Brian Daboll leaving our offensive coordinator’s box for the gray fields of northern New Jersey. As always when you break up a successful coordinator-young QB pairing, there are questions whether one or both will suffer without the other.  While Daboll’s failure is likely assured (because Giants), the Bills tried to stave off any decline by elevating QB coach Ken Dorsey to coordinator. In limited preseason action with the starters, it looked like the offense was clicking on all cylinders.

Which of course means that credible reports will surface about Dorsey being a cannibal around Week 11.

All is not lost. Frankly, if the Bills can hold serve in the AFC East and survive the first seven games (which includes @Rams, Titans, @Chiefs and Packers) they should be well on their way.

But we don’t believe that. Because the Narrative hates us.

2022 PREDICTION: 9-8. Pain, that old familiar friend…

WHAT’S ON TONIGHT:

WNBA Playoff action!

Chicago Sky vs. Connecticut Slot Jockeys (ESPN2, 8 pm Eastern, 7 pm God’s Time)

The Sky continue their inevitable march toward a repeat championship, as is their right as Chicago basketballers.  There is only one real professional franchise in Connecticut now that the Whalers have left, and that is UConn.

Las Vegas Aces vs. Seattle Not-Sonics (ESPN 2, 10 pm Eastern, 9 pm DFO)

Aces coach Becky Hammon is the Realest of Deals, although she is a naturalized Russkie. I am confident that she will be the first female head coach in the NBA once Gregg Popovich hangs up his whistle, and having a WNBA Trophy would help quiet a few of the Haters. HOWEVA: that would involve owner Mark Davis hoisting hardware, and that’s just not going to happen.