Nothing matters, we all just stand on the precipice of the endless void.  But first, the fixtures:

There is no early Saturday game.  Because FUCK YOU, the FA says.  Three pointless streamers and Bees/Bonesaws (USA) in the 10:00 window.  Hey, it passes the time.  Spotlight Dance is Brighton/Spurs (12:30, NBC), which has some appeal.

Sunday is a USA triple-header, WHY NOT pick a week when the NFL is already on all goddamned day and we don’t need it.  Sequentially, Palace/Leeds, Gooners/Shite, Everton/Men Untied.  The latter being played at 2:00 EST, which is a war crime for the match-attending supporter, and even MOAR important – for a RedZone addict like Hippo.  There is also a bonus match, Rum Ham/Mighty Whitey (9:00, CNBC), a reminder that CNBC exists and you don’t remember the channel number.

JV NFL can eat shit, too.  But they’s playing anyway:

Tennessee (-3) at LSU (Noon, ESPN)

Is this where All Comes Crashing Down for Knoxville Tang?  But enough about Brian Kelly’s bodycount, this is a good song:

TCU (-6.5) at Kansas (Noon, FS1)

One would call this a trap game, but the warning would apply to each squadron.  So fuck it, take the points.  I’m soUrry, Bloodeyes.

Arkansas (+9) at Mississippi State (Noon, SECN)

So many Cowbells, so little time.  Actually scratch that – we are in Hell, there is an eternal amount of time.

Texas Tech (+9.5) at Oklahoma State (3:30, FS1)

Guns Up!! for a DBSM trap game for sure.  Then again, Lubbock’s finest lost to NC State, how good could they possibly be?

Utah (-3.5) at UCLA (3:30, Fox)

Today, we are all Team Secular Big Love, because Chip Kelly is a big fat baby who deserves not even the fleetest of happiness.