“The decision to end a marriage is never easy, but we have grown apart and how can you keep living with someone who won’t eat strawberries, cuddles with goats, and looks more and more like Judge Doom? While it is of course difficult to go through something like this, I feel blessed for the time we had together and remind him that while I don’t need his money, I’ll take it. Now if you’ll excuse me, I want to see if Bridget is done laughing yet.”