Instant Hippo Thoughts – Week 12, 2022 Season

Apologies for these being less comprehensive than usual – somedays, my brain just collapses in on itself, and a randomly long nap ensues.  Today was one of those days.

Talk about self protection, though!  I could flip to full coverage of my Donks thanks to their playing in Charlotte – but I nodded off at 3-7.  Which is GOOD, because not only did we get SWEPT by the goddamned Raiders?  But now we also suffer the humiliation of losing to a ret…Special Young Man.  23-10, and the shitshow intensifies to an infinite degree.  Charmslinger is the last healthy QB for my money league team too, which is just fucking great.

I usually hate cliches like “when God closes a door, he opens a window” – but I will make an exception for waking from said nap to the winning OT score of #ThePauls 23, Team MRSA 17.  WOMP WOMP motherfuckers, and the ENTIRE NFC South is below .500, where they belong.

Sadly, the Falcons missed the opportunity to gain on Tampa, losing to the Heinecke Commies, 19-13.  Again, I was asleep – but this sounds like an absolutely wretched game to watch.  But Washington has hope, on and off the pitch.  Good for Dok Zymm!

Thankfully, I saw Prison Girlfriend’s 2-minute drive.  Those bollocks have dropped, and the Jaguras could go on a little run now.  Balmer scored right before the 2-minute warning, making the two pointer to lead 27-20.  But after a derpy start to the drive, Lawrence entered “Elway Mode.”  Perhaps the best throws of his career were for the TD, and then the 2-pointer (an absolute dart thrown against his body – aka the Elway Special).  Of course, the Ratbirds have Justin Tucker, who tried a 67-yard FG that came up maybe 5 feet short.  Tough way to lose an insanely long made placement kick streak, and an equally hard luck 28-27 loss.

Team WKRP made BAL pay for that slip-up, winning in Nashville 20-16.  Treylon Burks scored his first NFL TD on an offensive fumble recovery, which is kind of cool.  But this was a statement of Bungles intent, showing they could win a “slobberknocker” style game, and even without Beatie Mixon AND J’Marr Chase.  Impressive shit.  Nobody wants to play either of these teams in January, though.

Hollywoo laughed at the idea of a successful Chuck and Buck sequel, but Mike White got the last laugh.  Three scores in a 31-10 rout of the Monkey Trev (playing despite a pulled oblique, because J Peterman was the alternative) in front of the home crowd.  MILF-hunter Z is done in NY, whether he knows it or not.

Miami got the Kyle Allen 500s at home, and it was easy as predicted.  30-15, and the LOLfin division lead holds steady.  Everybody but the P*ts won this weekend (in the AFC East).

Poor RRRRRRRRRRRRAM IT!!!  They are just boned, as badly as my Donks.  26-10 losers in KC, and it coould/should have been much worse than that.  Mahomes and Reid got more than a little too cute – but it really was “cat plays with half-ded mouse” small beer.  Game was never in doubt.

There were 4 games in the late RedZone window, and maybe 3 plays of Tomsulas/Saints made the live cut.  Just horrible offensive ineptitude, but the Santa Clara defense is terrifying.  Especially at home.  N’Awlins gets shut out for the first time in over 20 years, 13-nil.  OOF, that division.

Clippers/Qards was quite the barn burner, with The Clearisil Kid running for his life for much of the day.  But he kept plays and drives (along with himself) alive, and with one last gasp…he found Austin Ekeler for a late TD and Gerald Everett for the winning deuce.  25-24, and there was much Analytics Rejoicing.  Koach Kliff should get Kanned any day now.  Clips get to 6-5, and still have pulse for the 7 seed.

Fucking Vegas, man.  They just won’t roll over and die, no matter how many times Emo Carr has to break down crying.  They won the OT flip in Seattle, converted 4th and 2 inside the 40, then won on the only possession.  40-34, bursting the ‘Truther bubble.  I have no explanation for it, though I watched most of the game.

OF COURSE, I couldn’t see the conclusion, because they made RedZone cut away because of the “only one game still playing rule” – EVEN THOUGH NATIONAL CBS WAS SHOWING 60 MINUTES TO LIKE 85% OF THE GODDAMNED COUNTRY.  Fix your damned shit, NFL.

That leaves Qaron against the Iggles on SNF.  At least I am well-rested for the proceedings!  I still got bored, though.  It was Philly 20, GB 14, after a 2nd critical thought pickerception.  May there be many more.  And soUrry for my half-assedry.