Wrapping Up the JV Playoff Field – Nighty-Night Thread

Have you enjoyed the bread and circuses of JV NFL 2022?  I sure have.  My own team was mediocre and schizo, but I am used to that.  Twas nice to see U*NC get knowcked down off their “pillars of sand” pedestal, first by Georgia Tech, and then at home by my Shitty (but LITERATE) Wolves.  Enjoy Son de Clem force feeding you a shit sandwich tonight (8:00, ABC, Hippo refuses to fully preview a Holes game, as he hath done all season).

Thanks to Lincoln Riley’s “tackling is soooooo passe” philosophy, the stupid Bucknutz will make the field, despite having their cocks ripped off at home by Lesser Harbs last week.  Give us 12, and right soon.  I am so sick of the same asshole bunch every season.

But hey, at least Bloodeyes (America’s newest sweetheart) won I mean, fought valiantly to tie things up before losing by 3 in OT, so we don’t get to see if the not-Condi Committee would have boned TCU to put Saban’s worst Bama team of the last 10-15 years in instead.  They probably would have so done, had it ended 28-20 in Normal Time.

So, it’s all about seeding now.  Let’s look at the games going into the 2nd half, first!

Coastal Cakalaky (+7) at Troy  – Sun Belt Championship (3:30, ESPN)

Nobody in their right mind is betting on a SECONDARY Troy side after last night’s epic bedshitting.  How many of their recruits were totes excite, before finding out these Trojans…play in fookin’ podunk Alabama?  Chanticleers is also the best nickname in sportsball, and it’s not even close.  TRUE HIPPO STORY – my daughter confirmed (as we had coffee at The Chanicleer in Cary, North Cakalaky) that she didn’t read The Canterbury Tales in high school.  Welcome to Nobummer’s Murrika, libtards smgdh.  HIPPO 5:30-ish UPDATE – 7-31 at the half, this is why I remain in GAMBLOR timeout corner.

LSU (+17.5) v. Georgia  – Means MOAR Championship @ Megatron’s Butthole (4:00, CBS)

Brian Kelly would be a trendy pick for the upset and the 4 seed…but he got his fanny reddened by Jimbo Fisher last week.  Oh well, at least he didn’t kill anybody (else).  HIPPO 5:30-ish UPDATE – It turns out knowing the roolz is well important, and got the Dawgs a gift TD (on a blocked FG).  LSU responded, but that just made UGA mad.  It’s almost like the 800-lb gorilla in the best conference…is pretty good at FITBAW or sommet.

Central Florida (+4) at Tulane  – Murrika Conference Championship (4:00, ABC)

Didja know this is the first EVAR title game in Green Wave footed ball history?  And that they were in the SEC until sometime in the 60s?  Well, you fucking sure ’nuff does now.  Win and they’ll play The Very Disappoint Troi Bois on NYD.  HIPPO 5:30-ish UPDATE – The Green Wave are wearing blue.  Yes, I understand water is actually blue, but I still find this off-putting.  Maybe the Hitler Mice do as well?  We’uns at 17-7 aquamarines, as Q2 winds down.

Fresno State (+3) at Boise State  – Mountain West Championship (4:00, Fox)

I watch a shit ton of JV ball, but have no idea if either of these is worth a shit.  That squirrel memory and whatnot.  The Bulldogs have to be happy to be in not-Fresno, at least.  HIPPO 5:30-ish UPDATE – I briefly flipped to this, thinking “oooooh, maybe this is a SNOW game?”  NOPE – just hopelessly inept offense.  Boise lead 3-nil.

Purdue (+16.5) v. Michigan  – B1G Whatevs Championship @ The Gravy Boat (8:00, Fox)

I have a sneaky Purdue Pete vibe here, but it could just be gas.  Michigan has fuckall to play for.