Hey, it’s 11:34 pm and while pouring the last beer of the weekend I realized that I’d forgotten the mock draft. I didn’t feel too bad, since I spent literally hours putting together the mock draft for Thursday’s night’s open thread and live-blog of the NFL Draft extravaganza, doing so much research that I will almost certainly get 2 of 31 picks correct.
Seriously, the whole thing’s going to fall apart after Arizona trades down to one of the five teams desperate to get ahead of the Colts and take either Richardson or Levis. It’s gonna be ugly. Also I didn’t realize that the Lions had lost all of their WRs, so I have to rethink their move at 6 and…
Ah fuck it, it’s not like I’m not just guessing anyway, and this has nothing to do with the Monday Morning Mock Draft, other than the all-important Boosting Of The Word Count.
So I don’t really have any ideas for today, (I do, but too closely related to the drummers we did last week), so I had to reach into those saved Slack messages from frequent contributors RTD and Scotchy for this week’s topic. This week we’re sort of going with Scotchy, who had a good idea that I’m narrowing down, mostly so I can use his other examples as individual drafts later on.
Cuts down on the thinking I have to do, you see.
This week we’re drafting directors. Stage or screen, big or small on the latter. If this person ever yelled ‘Cut’ during the filming or staging of a movie, TV show, or play, they’re eligible. Also opera I guess, but if I’m being honest I’ll be taking your word for it on those.
Also, with a nod to our featured image, and who I’m now going to make commissioner, the director can be fictional.
With the first pick Scotchnaut takes the Coen brothers off the board, which is an objectively solid #1 pick.
With the second pick I’m going to pull a Jerry Jones and ignore a couple of very obvious picks and reach for a personal favorite, Kenneth Branagh. I just really like everything that guy’s had a hand in, and you can just go ahead and make Emma Thompson jokes now, you ignorant cretins.
The rest of you are on the clock.
Since this is apparently how I do research for Request Line (actually I was going to suggest this as a draft topic to Horatio and was checking if we’d already done it) I’m coming in three months later and drafting James Cameron, since it appears he didn’t get taken.
Second pick, as I clean the category out: I’ll take Makoto Shinkai.
(Yes, I saw Suzume last night.)
Timothy Van Patten still out there? Not only did he do some of the best episodes of The Sopranos and Game of Thrones, but he was also awesome as Salami in “The White Shadow.”
My final pick is John Waters.
Last one: Fred Zinnemann.
Number two, since I got here late- F. W. Murnau. Nosferatu. Still creepy as hell and so atmospheric, and he made it about 100 years ago.
Didja ever see “Shadow of the Vampire”? It’s a hoot.
No, but I need to! I love Malkovitch, such a weirdo, in the best way!
My first pick is Ernst Lubitsch, bitches!
Haven’t seen Harold Ramis, so I’m taking him off the board.
UPDATE: I bought four (4) packets of $0.03 ramen. The cashier gave me a hard time for not buying more. I’m eating some right now and it’s fine; it’s basically the equivalent of cheap white bread.
4. I need a horror/suspense guy, so I’ll take Adrian Lyne. Jacob’s Ladder is an all-timer.
-loud sigh-
Roman Polanski.
Look, ‘Chinatown’ is an all-timer, OK
-pours bottle of bleach over head.
“Why the bleach? That’s a perfectly cromulent pick.”
-Bryan Singer
“No, no, see, you gotta inject the bleach.” – Dr. Deborah Birx
Third and final pick: So many great options, but I gotta go with my guy Jalmari Helander. Absolutely can’t wait to see Sisu.
The U.S. trailer for Rare Exports is so bad, watch the Finnish one instead if you’re unfamiliar. I genuinely believe this film to be a masterpiece.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9RQlikX4vvw
Hmmm. No-one’s picked Francis Ford Coppola yet? I guess I will then…
Oh fuck, how did we all forget?
I was going to laugh if Sofia went first