I loved baseball. Then the ’94 lockout happened and lotsa new stats emerged which I still don’t know what they mean. But I still marvel at how many of the top baseball players in history are total bastards—say, Ty Cobb, Pete Rose, and Roger Clemens. And I think that’s wonderful, because hero worship is sheeple shit.
Bad people make great things, all the time. I’d say most monuments and architectural marvels, from the Giza pyramids to SoFi stadium, have involved shafting an entire people or city. Still, it’s not difficult to judge a building or any work on its merits, and set aside the obnoxious asshole behind it. Sometimes it’s even the most sensible thing to do, just
That was what the hospital administrators in “House” did every episode with House. Using that approach, where results are the only consideration, Barry Bonds has to be the most dominant player in all sports. While he was 40! And while all your worst reactions are warranted, ask yourself if you’ve seen a player so openly and thoroughly feared, in any sport. It was great spectacle
And with the background of sanctimonious and self-important baseball writers, it was a most enjoyable occasion for me.
Another sample, outside of the world of sport. On set, Stanley Kubrick was a sadist. Currently, Michael Jackson is a fading ghost, Woody Allen an unmentionable. But when it comes to their work: it’s magnificent craft. If you can’t go beyond the person, OK, cool. Just know that you would be wrong if you think the mere mention of Kubrick, original MJ and Woody makes me an endorser of their personal acts like, say… Going several millions over the filming budget, holding babies over balconies, or Oh my God what the fuck?!
I just think it’s fair to appreciate a work and segregate any of its merits from its creator. Personally, I don’t find interesting how floral imagery is used in Mein Kampf, but studying the book is not offensive by itself. And when a post about that comes up as F*c*b**k clickbait, I will treat it like it were another shitty video of a recipe with waaay too many eggs.
And while you’re still wincing, a theory: Woody Allen created the mockumentary, with “Take the Money and Run” in 1969. If you find a mock D that predates that movie,
Luckily, NFL brass and ownership have the integrity of a paper cone with some sand. League bIdness is openly crapulent and does not allow for either critical or controversial admiration. When it comes to fitbaw, I’m fine with judging virtue based on what happens on the field. And to be clear: I have no problem whatsoever with O.J. still being in the Hall of Fame, whether of Pro Football or hypothetical memoirs.
NFL NEWS
Hey, there’s summin’
-The Cowboys pick up CeeDee Lamb’s FIF year option. In a couple of months, Yahoo’s algorithm will calibrate that transaction into a C- draft grade for you.
-The Philadelphia Eagles signed Matt Patricia as “senior defensive assistant” and 2023 scapegoat.
-Last Friday the NFL suspended five players for gambling, DE Shaka Toney from the Commanders and foUr fUck LioUns. Toney and WR Quintez Cephus and S C.J. Moore were suspended indefinitely (Detroit also released them), and all three can apply for reinstatement in 2024. The other Loins, WR Stanley Berryhill and WR Jameson Williams, were suspended for six games.
By my count, that’s 3 less receivers in Detroit. The Lions have two first round picks. Maybe who they need is Matt Millen.
SPROTS TOMITES
All times Central:
NBA Playoffs: Now It’s Noticeable©
Celtics (2-1) @ Hawks – 6:00
Nuggets (3-0) @ Timberwolves – 8:30
Grandes Ligas
Mets (Megill) @ Gigantes (Stripling) – 6:00
Stanley Cup Playoffs
[Updated; thnx Ayo]
Dallas (1-2) @ Minnesota – 6:00
Edmonton (1-2) @ Los Angeles– 8:00
TOP FLIGHT FÚTBOL
(full listing via espendeps)
Just the facts tonight.
Secsi Mecsi
Santos hosts Querétaro – 8:05
Argentina
River Plate hosts Independiente – 6:30
Bolivia
Real Tomayapo hosts Vaca Díez – 6:30
Chile
Unión Española hosts Coquimbo Unido – 7:00
Colombia
Unión Magdalena hosts Millonarios – 6:10
Boyacá Chicó hosts Deportes Tolima – 8:20
Ecuador
Mushuc Runa hosts Emelec – 6:00
Honduras
UPNFM hosts Olimpia – 6:00
Real España hosts Vida – 7:00
Real España [spits on the floor] defeated the College-educated wolves of UPNFM last Sunday. It’s up to Life tonight to do what the Spain Treasury Dept. couldn’t: disposses the Spanish monarchy.
Paraguay
Nacional hosts General Caballero JLM – 7:30
Venezuela
Monagas SV hosts Academia Puerto Cabello – 7:30
FINALLY,
You’ve likely heard the phrase “never meet your heroes”. The thinking goes that heroes are not as awesome as they are in your dreamscapes—be it fantasies of sports glory, altruistic public service, or whatever the hell it is that influencers actually do. You idealize who you idolize, and maybe the problem lies in that folks shouldn’t be idolized, period. It even sounds infantile, idolyzing 🥹… It’s embarassing. Maybe nobody deserves that much praise.
Folks who deserve praise are everywhere: those teachers who pay out of their pocket for learning materials; community organizers who bring food to assemblies, just to get people involved; and volunteers who work the phone banks because if the other guy gets elected it’s back to the XIXth Century. On the other hand, I’m pretty sure one of those called my cousin a cunt way back when. In sum, you know…
Anyway, it’s best to admire acts and respect people. Have a great week.
Well Oiled Hyman winner
“Hymen retrieves it….”
I’ll take “Things My Wife Didn’t Say On Our Wedding Night” for $800, Alex
Of course Hyman wins the game in OT in overtime after I misspell his name for a cheap joke. Of course he does.
“In Soviet DFO, Hyman busts you!” — Yakov S.
“Hyman finally scores to end it”
Indeed, indeed.
The Oilers having the best player on the planet and being consistently unable to get out of the first round of the play-offs is exceeded only by the Angels having two of the 5 best baseball players on the planet, (one of whom is literally the best), and being unable to get into the play-offs.
On the one hand, I think this is bad for those sports. On the other hand, I am delighted to see the “just tank long enough, draft a generational superstar, and watch the rings roll in” philosophy get the shit kicked out of it.
That’s fair. The only comment I would make is that the Oilers have been tanking for years, have had multiple #1 picks that they’ve absolutely shit the bed on, and McDavid clearly deserves better.
But yeah, Edmonton’s front office would make one long for the quiet competence of the Hartford Whalers’ front office.
Agreed that McDavid deserves better. But the fact that the Oilers have been tanking for years is kind of my point. I like watching them flail around.
I’m definitely rooting more for McDavid than I am for the organization.
/ The Cleveland Browns have entered the chat
What weird beer did Makeitsnow send Horatio this week that’s Horatio is now staying up way too late to finish?
Spoiler, it’s very good.
Love stouts and porters.
Boy, have I got a refrigerator for you.
“I too have known the love of a stout porter.” – Lindsay G, fanning himself
Lady G loves the dark beers, if you know what I mean.
That looks chewy!
Making a literal Sunday Gravy today — pork ribs, braciole, Italian sausage, and meatballs in a big ‘ol ragu.
Doing some fresh pasta papadelle in a minute, to be followed by a Caesar salad.
Sadly, I managed to drop the bottle of wine I was going to open. Happily, that is not my only bottle. (/owns way too many bottles)
Brah-jool!
I literally learned how to pronounce that from ‘The Bear’
Hail Caesar!
The big ragu:
Outstanding.
Ship me some leftovers and I’ll mail you a stout.
I would do that, but I’m really fucking lazy.
Sorry, forgot to mention the raspberry panna cotta!
I’m enjoying the lack of vegetable matter.
I’ll have you know I’m eating several leaves of lettuce (coated in egg, olive oil, anchovies, and garlic) as we speak.
There’s something green on the panna cotta. Mint? Good enough!
You are correct, ma’am. A drizzle of honey, some raspberries, and a sprig of mint.
I admit I am a sucker for garnishing my dishes like I’m a fancy chef.
CBC news talking lady’s name is “Anita Bathe”? Ok Canada, we get it, you’re funny.
The 3-0 Curse liveth.
Ice Rams do not appreciate the Earth’s milk.
When kill it with fire goes wrong
McDavid’s Eternal Boulder isn’t going down that easy!
Helps to have Draistil though!
Although it’s mostly Draistsaitl’s effort.
Don T., you came at my Lions by invoking Matt Millen. This is like the moment in John Wick when Reek’s men kill the puppy that John’s dying wife gave him. I just busted open some concrete in my garage floor.
It’s what the masses demand! I’m but a steward of the rabble, not a tastemaker.
“No one in this world, so far as I know – and I have searched the records for years, and employed agents to help me – has ever lost money by underestimating the intelligence of the great masses of the plain people.”
-H. L. Mencken
The DFO masses are slack-jawed yokels…
Buddy, you are not going to be happy with the mock draft.
/first-round receivers intensify
Jalen Carter will fall to us and be Nick Fairley v2.0
“Millen” seems like a safe word for DET area dominatrices
Modern arts masterpiece of dipshittery in the XFL.
Hey, I found someone as dominant as Bonds. Uh… Mike Tyson
The Frank Bruno stoppage was bs, I remember. But yeah, Frankie wuz whupped.
About equally endearing, too. Perhaps a Barry Bonds mystery-solving Adult Swim cartoon would help?
Some of those early fights, when he really was on top of his game, were just absolute slaughters.
I think I was at a sports bar (on a weird night when they were booked for an “all ages” event) for the Carl Williams fight. I couldn’t believe it was over so quickly.
Totally disappointed in all of you for not jumping on the obvious “that’s what she said” joke there.
We got the pay per view for the Michael Spinks fight. Gumby invited a bunch of his sailor buddies over. It lasted a minute and a half and we didn’t even get the post fight interviews. Gumby was sooo pissed. The cable company ended up giving us a couple of months of HBO or something for free, just to shut him up.
Update:
Oldest son still wary of accepting my help on an Eng. Lit. assignment that he needs to pass/hand in so that he can enter the program that he’s been accepted to. I don’t know where this comes from. He seems unable to ask for help despite the fact that he needs it so badly. Fuckballs.
/heading off to bed to write notes about The Great Gatsby so that he can maybe use them. Can’t write the essay for him though.
Perhaps the kind of stubbornness that refuses wifey’s advice to go to the doctor for years and years? Hee hee.
“Hey uh son, I heard the Classic American Literature Notes Fairy visited you last night, might want to check under your pillow”
Does he maybe just want to do this on his own?
I mean, I get that you could look at this as “dumb kid doesn’t know when to ask for help and doesn’t respect his dad’s skills,” but is it possible that it’s “wants to earn what he gets”?
Unlikely in today’s youth, but he is Canadien so I’m not going to rule it out.
“In the end, Gatsby’s life of elegance, when compared to the more mundane life of those living over the service station who witness Daisy’s end are illustrative of the vast differences between the corrupt rich and struggling masses of 1930’s America, united only in the certainty that each must ultimately face death and then, and only then, by united in their commonality as mortals.
Also the Hamptons is a land of contrasts.”
But you can have fun dying in an indifferent world.
Save it for the PhD thesis, Updike.
The light on Long Island was a possible better future.
Work from there.
Squeaked a 1-nil win away to Millwall, 83rd minute winner by my 3rd choice centre-half. Off a free kick, but 3 points is 3 points. 2 goals in 2 matches, only 1 from an attacking player is a concern, though.
Milwall?
There’s a whole series of books called “The Secret Lives of” and they have artists, first ladies, composers, etc. It’s not new for notable people, even notable people who have done loads of good for the world, to have skeletons of varying degrees of skelliness in their closets. For people who idolize them or whatever, just emulate the good bits.
Kubrick was definitely a tyrant on set but I’ll still watch any of his movies any day of the week.
And while Woody Allen is a disaster, Sleeper and Love and Death were both awesome.
And I will still watch Take the Money and Run anytime.
Bananas was also lots of fun.
The cafeteria bit and the translation are awesome. I love that movie #obvio
Annie Hall, Zelig, Purple Rose of Cairo, Broadway Danny Rose (best helium gag eva), Bullets over Broadway… Very, very few movies I’ve enjoyed more than those. .
I really liked The Front too.
I only managed a Draw in my 2189-90 Pretend Season Opener, home to Birmingham of all sides. I fear this augurs poorly. Then again, Pretend Bernard Gilkey also hasn’t had a proper poo in four decades.
Caveat – if someone is being actively harmful and I still want to enjoy their stuff you can be sure I’ll do it in a way that doesn’t involve them getting money from me.
This actually raises another issue which is annoying, and that’s shitty relatives. There may be someone I have no issue with, but them being dead, money for their work may go to some untalented pissoir relative. Another situation where I say pirate away. Intellectual property outliving people is weird.
If you could control how many hours a day your body would stay asleep, what would you pick? At least in late-Spring all-Summer, I think I’d go with 20.
Difficult, because things like good books and Civ 6 actively work against sleep. I think I wouldn’t be concerned with staying asleep, but rather with falling asleep. I wouldn’t mind just defaulting to unconsciousness after 6-8 hours of wakefulness, depending on the day
Yeah, just sub Footy Manager in for Civ 6 and I’m with ya.
I’m in a happy 8-9 hour zone of flawless uninterrupted sleep every night and it’s glorious.
I’m with you on this. I could hibernate like a bear and totally skip the summer.
Not to sound like a CEO rise-and-grind dudebro, but if I didn’t actually need sleep, I’d be happy to stay awake 24 hours. Plenty of books to read, dick jokes to make, etc. Same reason I’m looking forward to retirement.
Completely agree. Idolizing is for suckers.
Well, was she a cunt?
Also, Pete Rose should be in the Hall of Fame.
For that matter, we should be able to enjoy the Mel Gibson movies he made before he became a religious nuthead.
Oof! He’s not a ‘religious nuthead’, he’s an anti-Semite to the nth degree and uses his status to promote that at every opportunity. Just like his dad.
From what I heard, that’s all because he’s supposedly a Spanish Inquisition type of Catholic.
Nobody Expects…this kind of reply.
He’s deffo a cunt that wraps his cuntish cuntiness in the auspices of religion.
Lots of cunts do this. One might say it’s a cunt’s trick.
I’d also note that he called a female police officer “Sugar Tits”.
See, that actually brings him up in my book. “Sugar Tits” isn’t used often enough.
She’s a cop, so I don’t feel bad for her, but he should absolutely get tased in the nuts, at the VERY least, as that’s what would happen to many guys who did the same
Mel’s absolutely a piece of shit, but I’m still watching the British charge at Stirling Bridge every chance I get.
Although, as someone noted, it would have been nice if Braveheart showed an actual bridge at the Battle of Stirling Bridge, but apparently one can’t have everything.
No!
[waits for your acknowledgment]
comment
😂🤣
This Dal-Min game I call it Chippendales because of how many breakaways there’ve been
GOOD NEWS – April is 75% over, after which we only have to white knuckle through 4 more months before Sweet September returns.
I shouldn’t have to pay rent in months without football because they are Nawt real months
THIS is why you gots esteemed with said DOKTORate
I’ve heard that Alfred Hitchcock made Tippi Hedren do the scene where the birds attack her far more than needed, by dozens and dozens of takes, because she didn’t sleep with him. Still enjoy his films and tv.
And I feel bad for MJ. He didn’t get to have a childhood, so not surprising he went astray. As the internet says, hurt people hurt people. That applies to all flavor of child star with domineering parent, we get their artistry because they’re pushed in ways kids shouldn’t be, so we should damn well accept the consequences in the form of how their adult selves take people down with them when self-destructing
“You don’t have to tell me twice!” – Vontaze Burfict, preparing to hurt someone
“I’d sooner fuck a walrus. I’d have done a thousand takes and it still would have been worth it.” – Tippi Hedrin
*Andy Reid looks up from his chicken dinner with a gleam of lustful hope in his eye*
…and gravy dripping down his chin.
Uh, you mean “chickens” dinner.
This might be weird and stupid but I’ve always thought that his “Man In The Mirror” tune was sorta a cry for help. I had no idea why at the time-it just seemed so out of character to his other stuff/tunes that I was aware of at that time.
I’m thinking the crushing guilt and shame are why he needed industrial strength drugs to get any sleep. He wasn’t born a monster, that was Joe Jackson’s handiwork.
Saturday’s ice schedule on a Sunday? ¡Dios mio!
DAL/MIN now
OIL/LAK later
All on TBS
Fixed! Stupig Gregorian calendar*
* drugs
This is really the only thing Matt Patricia is good for.
I mean, his beard is also useful for hiding things. Crumbs of food, pencil stubs, car keys, your wallet.
the things you could dig out of his belly button…
“Sorta Kinda Succeed. Fail. Get Rehired. Refail. Get Rehired. Refail. Get Rehired. Refail. Get Rehired.”
-The Life of a White Assistant Coach in the NFL
I bet Patricia’s great at capturing players’ attention by starting lectures with “As an engineer,”
Fun fact: Patricia, like Patrick of Irish sainthood fame, is a name based on the Roman idea of the Patrician class, or in a nutshell, nobility. It’s kind of like naming your kid King Emperor von Fancypants.
Umm…
It’s lost the connotation nowadays, but seeing as you have royal offspring I think you can consider your pants fancy enough to carry the name well
He’s DFO. He’s not wearing pants.
He doesn’t have to be wearing them, they can be fancy in a drawer somewhere
Oh duh, it’s the wee WCS Fancypants!
That you Patrick?