Hello there fellow DFO’er.  Hope you’re well today.  And thanks for coming back to see last weeks comments of the week as decided by my brain.  There’s no reason as to why some comments make it and others don’t. Seriously. There isn’t.

This weeks cheesy motivational quote is:
Man is least himself when he talks in his own person. Give him a mask, and he will tell you the truth [in bed].
Oscar Wilde

Ooooo, role play. Just remember to have a safe word and use if if things get too much for ya. Oh and for the older generation, stretch before.

As a reminder, Sunday comments stand alone and Monday comments will go on the next week’s post.

Note that during the offseason, I’ll probably look at the Sunday posts.

Without further ado, here are the comments of the week.

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“There’s this vacuum that’s on sale right now…” – the Dr. Mrs., just now
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

The Dr. Mrs. dream vacuum:

LemonJello

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Wander Franco likes his women the way I like my whiskey: 14 years old and enjoyed in the dark silence of my bedroom lest someone find out my secret
Buddy Cole’s Halftime Show

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Somewhere at Trump 2024 HQ, an intern sighs and resets the “No Indictments for X Days” sign to zero.
Dunstan

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What is the proper drink for a Georgia indictment? I’ve got some peach liqueur here, maybe that with some bourbon.
Dunstan

I was trying to work out an old fashioned recipe that involved sweet tea bitters, perhaps you can fiddle around with that plus the peach?
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Peach liqueur, rye, and orange bitters.
Dunstan

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Even if one believes that this is all a political hit-job by Biden, all that really means is that Biden’s better at even that than Trump. Neither Hillary nor Obama got even a hint of a slap on the wrist while Trump was in total control of the Federal government, and the best Trump could do against Biden was to try and extort Ukraine to make some shit up.
Col. Duke LaCrossa

Not even against Biden, against his son, and close relatives being total fuckups tends to be more funny than damaging

Doktor Zymm

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Rachel Maddow just interviewed Hillary for the last 30 minutes and poor Hillary had to pretend to be sad about what’s happening rather than cackling crazily into the camera and screaming “GUESS WHO’S NOT IN TROUBLE MOTHERFUCKERS???”
SonOfSpam

If you’ll excuse me going Full Conservative, I have hated Hillary “Vast Right-Wing Conspiracy” Clinton since I was a teenager, but even I’ll happily accept 30 minutes of her cackling. She’s earned this one.
Redshirt

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I don’t know about this. If they can indict Trump, then they can indict any of us who engage in election fraud and intimidation in recorded phone calls.
Dunstan

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Wanna see a fat guy and his grandson cat? TOO LATE smgdh.

King Hippo

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https://www.nbcnews.com/news/us-news/michael-oher-blind-side-touhy-adoption-lie-rcna99823

I’d like to see him win this lawsuit and then produce a movie about it. Hell, Sandra Bullock can inception her way in playing herself, who is playing her only Oscar winning role.
Col. Duke LaCross

Hmmm. So a white family living in the South made tons of money off of the labor of a black man while spinning a narrative that the relationship was mutually beneficial?

I just can’t believe that. Too far fetched…
BeefReeferLives

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Where is everyone? I’m looooonely!
Gumbygirl

Well the best cult for loneliness is to join a cure!
SonOfSpam

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Sorry there’s no Wumbo thread tonight, but I was at Nonna Weaselo’s funeral, where for the first time in my life I was a pallbearer. I can confirm the following.

I did not get to carry an urn in reverance.
My cousins, Padre Weaselo, and I did not get to perform a la the Ghanian coffin dancers.

Senor Weaselo

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Wifey: “It’s my mother’s birthday-do you want to stop by and have a piece of cake?”

Me: [recalls the last birthday of hers I attended. She repeated over and over again that she was going to sell her house and move in with us. At one point I felt the need to say to her in front of all of her siblings and nieces and nephews that, “I’d rather see you sleeping in a tent on the side of the road than living in my house”.*

Also Me: “I’ll pass.”

*caught a wee bit of shit for that but MIL looks for any cracks in folk’s resolve. She’s a living DDOS attack.
scotchnaut

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This was on my radio when I left the store earlier

Gumbygirl

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It was a blow touch hawt day here today.

Goin with the Spanish ladies to take it.

Well played Balls. I’ve never hit the flag, twice in one round is wild.

Hanging with my USAF chicks tomorrow. Gotta dress nice.
2Pack

Can you send your priest over to exorcise the daemons in my HVAC system? I think the Eye-Tie touch will impress an american evil spirit. At least the voices in my head think so.
King Hippo

Or you can fix it yourself. You just need some basic tools, a can do attitude and a professional on standby when things go tits up 😀
bk109

One of my garage springs broke last night. Who (still) has two thumbs and isn’t even going to dream about trying to do this myself? THIS GUY!
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

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Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

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Went to a bar tonight because a friend whose cancer is in remission was playing drums for his band, and he hit it like it stole something, and because another friend was raising money for a relative battling ALS.

I am significantly, but happily, much poorer and much drunker than when I left the house. We closed the night at a different bar where the (female) bartender, who very clearly has a crush on Mrs. Horatio, straight up started “joking” about threesomes.

Me: Allow me to tell you about a little fella named Lowratio.

Sexy bartender: Get the fuck out.
Horatio Cornblower

She prefers LoWario
BrettFavresColonoscopy

Lowuigi!
Gumbygirl

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Raise your hand if you hate Dyson ships. I’d much rather a sci-fi author hand-wave away the issue with an unexplained “fusion drive” rather than muck around with one of those stupid bomb-farting monstrosities.
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Didn’t think you’d be able to talk about any Dyson like that
/can feel the glare from Mrs RTD
Game Time Decision

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A. Reid: “All the starters will be playing on Saturday. Unless one or more of them have [lowers glasses, begins to read from scroll] have committed a DUI, have struck their significant other, have resisted the police, have waved a gun in their front yard while in their underwear, have chased their oldest child with a lamp, have drowned a cat, have been exposed in a sex trafficking ring, have sold more than 6 grams of coke to an undercover officer, have reneged on 15 consecutive child support payments or do not have a valid driver’s license. AND THAT IS FINAL!
scotchnaut

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Marcus Mariota is the Colt McCoy of Nick Foles.
scotchnaut

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Arizona Corrections Officer Who Posted Image Suggesting Death as ‘Cure for Pedophilia’ Arrested for Molesting Child

Y’know folks, between articles like this, and the ongoing molestathon that are the Catholic and Baptist churches, I’m kinda beginning to maybe sort get the vague inkling that perhaps drag queens reading to kids isn’t really the problem….
BeefReeferLives

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Hurricane?

Is that all you got?

I was in a hurricane. Gloria, back in 1985.
Lost power and shit for days.

Grilled in a hurricane.

The water is still too cold to do much damage.

I’m oddly excited for this.
yeah right

I think I read a book about this once, an old man vs. a large mass of water,
herodotus450

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The Atlantis resort in the Bahamas flooded a while back. But what do you expect when you name something after a place that SUNK INTO THE SEA?
Doktor Zymm

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Happy to report that no one carries parts for dryers anywhere near me. But Sears can order one for me!
Horatio Cornblower

Sears is still a thing?
litre_cola

I think CT must be a magical land that time done forgot.
King Hippo

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Pet peeves: put the gotdamn lid back on the pot/pan you just dished food out of instead of leaving it on the counter; put the spoon or utensil back on the spoon holder instead of it dripping all over the counter; clean up the bits of food you spilled dishing out your food including closing any condiments/cheese.

Especially do all of the above when it’s not your fucking house.
ThePirateSloth

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Brocky

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Peezy Junior with the pick. Lord help the Bungles if this kid is like his dad.
WCS

BeefReeferLives

Meanwhile, in the ____shirt household…

(artist’s rendering)
WCS

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Spam’s daughter has to come home early tonight. That’s a lot of lost revenue for his family-does anyone want to start a GoFundMe to make up the difference?
scotchnaut

Kind of you to ask, but my OnlyFans is what puts beer in the fridge.
SonOfSpam

Same here.

“Give me money, or I’ll take off my clothes.”
Redshirt

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Hey, are you in northern Ontario and you need a few sandwich platters for a funeral or a 50th wedding anniversary? Mrs. scotchnaut is your go-to caterer. Do you need anything beyond salmon and/or tuna? Screw that noise. Her conditions are very specific.

-must need at least two days notice
-no condiments beyond mustard or mayo
-diced onions cost extra*
-do you want the crusts cut off? GFY!
-if you don’t drop off the platter the day after the event there will be hell to pay
-won’t do any bread other than Wonderbread because she knows her audience

*kidding, she does all this for free for all her extended family members on a regular basis
scotchnaut

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No hurricanes in Chicago, but some epic thunderstorms including my only ever experience of thundersnow

Doktor Zymm

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Who’s ready for HURRIQUAKE2023?
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

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“Let’s fuck with SoCal today.”

— Earth
WCS

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…and as we wait for Tropical Storm Hillary to arrive California pulls the old rope-a-dope with an EARTHQUAKE.
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

5.5. Impressive.
Mr. Ayo

“Yeah, that’s at least double what we get here in Mississippi.” – Deanna F.
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

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Greetings, fellow empire builders! I do apologize for not being present these past few weeks — the manservants and I decided to engage in an extended summer hiatus in my third manor house on the Zambezi. A truly delightful experience with no undesirables in sight!

I hope that you’ll join me in supporting the King’s African Water Pistols in their journey to raze The City of Men to the ground this season. The new signings look to be real contributors, and it is heartening to see the former a Rum Ham talisman move over to the correct and just side of London after many years spent in squaloUr. Onward to glory!
Cecil Rhodes

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Ciao tutti. No earthquakes or scary storms here last night. Hitting the vaca road. Gonna make plenty of rest stops.

2Pack

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Wife and I were sitting around late last night, and I talked her into watching “Knock At the Cabin,” M. Night. Shamalamadingdong’s latest. It kind of sucked, but I’ve seen worse from him. She said afterwards, “That was bad. Thanks for the suggestion.” The really sad part was that we should have watched “Cocaine Bear” instead.
BugEyedBoo

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I’m a street south of an evacuation alert and the air is thick. Smells like there was a tire fire at the neighbouring elementary school.
Short story – we should ban wildfires.
BC Dick

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The wind and severity of rain has stepped up a notch in my area. Not to dangerous levels yet, but definitely much higher than before.
ballsofsteelandfury

Mr. Ayo

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The women’s world cup final just goes to show how much farther the women’s game needs to go. I mean England lost a final in full time, not penalties like the men always do.
Sharkbait

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Sharkette cave home from my sister in laws where she’d been staying since we had her brother. Things are going ok for now. Should be an interesting couple of days ahead
Sharkbait

It is good to hear that she is not headed towards Southern California because I had assumed that the next plague would involve sharks somehow. Hopefully it just ends up being some variation on good old-fashioned locusts.
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

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If a player wanted to wear a Guardian Cap during a game, the league would prohibit it (msn.com)

NFL: “Safety of our players is the NFL’s Number One Priority.”
Player: “Can we wear a Guardian Cap for extra protection?”
NFL: “Shush! Field hands don’t talk.”
Redshirt

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Thanks for all the comments and funny and everything else.

Stay busy and safe out there.

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