Monday Morning Mock Draft: Get The F*ck Out

Two more of these to go.

I had a topic in mind all day, but didn’t get around to it until after midnight best coast time, because I eventually got around to walking the dog, mowing and raking the lawn, and CHASING MY NEIGHBOR’S FUCKING CATTLE OFF MY YARD AGAIN!!  Totally my fault, of course, for having an apple tree, mowing my lawn, and not surrounding my yard with barbed wire and Bouncing Bettys.

The cattle, (2 bulls and a cow, all of whom are terrified of a leaf blower), are very nice.  The neighbor can get fucked.

Anyhoo, last week’s art topic went pretty well, so this week I thought we’d go with one I’ve been toying with but wasn’t sure would work.  This week we’re picking FICTIONAL characters, from any genre, (TV, movies, theater, literature, whatever), that need to leave whatever work they’re in, and the sooner the better.

Ideally what we’re looking for here is a character who adds nothing to the piece.  You can, however, take a character you just don’t like, but be prepared to be berated for it.  I don’t have a lot on my schedule tomorrow, and for maybe the third time in my 30 year legal career I am caught up on everything.  I’m sure that statement didn’t just jinx anything.

For instance, I just finished ‘Demon Copperfield,’ by Barbara Kingsolver.  Highly recommend, by the way.  Without spoiling anything there is a character named Dori in said book.  She should be fired into the Sun, but she is also integral to the plot.  Yes, she could be drafted, because she sucks, but no I would not draft her, because that would destroy the book.

Now, in a completely unrelated note, (dismissive wanking gif goes HERE), I have been watching the new Justified series.  It is…not good.  The whole series, (technically a miniseries, and I don’t see a new series coming out of this mess), is just way, way off the original.  In addition to a myriad of other things wrong with the show, they introduced Raglan’s daughter, Willa, as a character.

Fun fact, played by Timothy Olyphant’s real life daughter, Vivian.

Did I ask for an angsty teenager who guilt trips her father because his career, (as a US Marshall, who I’m guessing have less predictable hours than, say, an attorney), in my Elmore Leonard-based TV show about a bad-ass Marshall?  No.  No I did not.  Nor did anyone else.  Willa appears in the first two episodes, annoys the fuck out of everyone, gets shipped off to her mother in Florida, and may very well have been written off the show.    The character adds nothing to the show, and indeed during her brief appearances detracted significantly from it.  Willa Givens…

The rest of you are on the clock.