“Smoke and Mirrors” – The Seahawks at their bye

A conversation from late last week:

DFO Content Overlords: BEERGUY! IT IS THE SEAHAWKS BYE WEEK! BRING FORTH A POST!

Beerguyrob: Umm… It seems kind of early. Couldn’t I wait until more games have been played? Y’know – to have an observable pattern to analyze?

DFOCO: POST!

BGR: But they’re only 3-1. There’s not enough there.

DFOCO: POST! FEED THE MONSTER!

BGR: C’mon guys. What’s the rush? This isn’t the Nobel committee giving out prizes for solving COVID. I need to make something up that people will believe.

DFOCO: SILENCE, MAGGOT! FEED THE MONSTER OR BEGONE!

BGR: Okay, but it’s not gonna be my best work.

DFOCO:

Hi everyone, it’s your old pal, Beergu-

I’m glad to be home.

So, it was just over a month ago that I typed up a Seahawks preview based upon how much I wanted to see the new uniforms. The answer?

Well, I can tell you that this bye is happening WAY too early. The Seahawks are only four games into the season, and at 3-1 this break is a potential momentum killer. Sure, every team has injuries – hello, nine-plays-back Jamal Adams – but aside from their devastated front line there seems to be no need for the Seahawks to take their time off now. The only real reason to have a bye this early is because Roger Goodell is steeling his nerve to present the next commissioner a proposal for an 18-game season which, like the CFL, will have two bye weeks. (So, get ready for them to join the sack stuffers in 2030.)

Yes, their most recent victories were against the Panthers and Giants (not exactly the best measures of footballing efficiency) But after getting their asses handed to them by the Rams opening day, they won ugly against the Lions, who seemed to have ended the Packers season prematurely as revenge.

So let’s take a look at how we got here, through the alcoholic eyes of a season ticket holding eyewitness.

Week 1: The Rams

Drive down – 2:45. Minimal border wait, but we left later than I wanted to.

First beer – 11:30 AM. Pyramid Curveball Blonde – Hatback Bar & Grille – Lager

In-stadium product – Bodhizafa – Georgetown Brewing Company – IPA

Result: 30-13 Rams

Highlights: The second quarter.

The pageantry of the season opener made the stadium louder than ever. Bobby Wagner got a hero’s welcome as the defence got the privilege of being announced.

They brought back Eagles Niners err… Seahawks legend Ricky Watters to raise the 12 flag.

They blocked a field goal. They scored a touchdown. And all seemed fine about five minutes before halftime.

But then there was Aaron Donald.

Geno Smith yelling “oh my god” as Aaron Donald is running at him 😭
pic.twitter.com/yETt99VHxU

— PFF (@PFF) September 10, 2023

Followed by a doink on their end-of-half attempt. And when the Rams came out for the second half and promptly marched down the field like a hot knife through butter, the rout we didn’t know was coming was on. The stadium was half-empty by midway through the fourth quarter, and I haven’t had such an easy time hitting I-5 after a game since 2010, when the Giants put up 35 on them in the first half en route to a 41-7 victory.

This is not a good stat line, and a stadium sponsored by an ISP shouldn’t be having these problems. Just a terrible day all around, and a three-hour drive home filled with sadness.

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Week 2: The Lions

Drive down – n/a – road game

First beer – 12:00 noon. Pils – Zwiefalter Klosterbräu – Pilsner

I brought some of these back from my summer trip to Germany. As a breakfast beer, it’s a tasty beverage.

Result: 37-31 Seahawks.

Highlights:

A. New Toy Sunday!

Lambeau begged and begged, so he got his new koosh toy. Riga was less than impressed, but since I had the camera out she nonetheless had to pose.

B. Overtime.

Not quite the barnburner of the year before, this year’s tilt still had plenty of scoring and the Seahawks stealing a game they rightfully deserved to lose. This game seemed to serve as the wake-up call that might put them back on track to contend for a playoff spot later in the season.

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Week 3: Carolina

Drive down – 3:00. We left earlier, but there was more traffic at the border.

First beer – 11:00 AM. Fast Casual Westcoast Pils – Fast Fashion Brewing Company – Pilsner

In-stadium product – Hard Cider – Schilling Cider Company – Apple

Results:

Highlights:

A. Gameday giveaway – the beverage poncho

It’s a beer koozie with a hood! It’d get shot on sight in Florida because it looks threatening, but in the PNW it’s considered practical.

B. The third quarter.

Going into the half down 13-12, the home fans were restless. The stink of the Rams game still hung in the air at Lumen Field, and the hint of rain that was starting to fall gave many the impression that a bumbled first half would become more so as the conditions worsened. But then the Kenneth Walker THE THIRD show started,

and two touchdowns later the Seahawks were up by a commanding amount and – late touchdown aside – cruised to a much-easier victory than the halftime score would’ve had you believe.

One trend I have noticed at both home games is that the TV broadcasts seem to be adding more time than usual to the game. The Rams game started at 1:25, and finished at 5:00. The Panthers game started at 1:05, and finished at 4:45. Given that it usually takes 15 minutes to get out of the stadium & 20 minutes to walk to where I’m parked, I barely made it to Costco by 6:00. Do better, corporate broadcaster – I needs to gets my cheese!

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Week 4: NY Giants

Drive down – n/a – road game

First beer – Fear Of The Dark – Trooper Brewing – English Stout

In-stadium product – Steam Whistle Brewing Company – Pilsner

Result: 24-3 Seahawks

Highlights:

Iron Maiden – “The Trooper”

I wasn’t watching the game. I was in-house watching one of my favourite bands hit all the right notes on what might be Nicko McBrain’s last tour. I heard what happened in the game; I regret nothing about not watching.

Overall:

The Seahawks aren’t winning the division, but they have a strong shot for a wildcard. Their upcoming schedule has a number of teams coming up that are already struggling.

They have the Bengals, Cardinals, and Browns coming out of their break. If the Seahawks get them at their lowest, they can build up their record to the point that, when the downturn happens as their opponents get better – see that stretch from November 19 through December 24 – they should be able to ride that out into the playoffs. This will afford them the opportunity to draft in the middle of the first round, more to John Schneider’s liking.

There are a number of quarterbacks available this upcoming draft that they could turn into Russell Wilson 2.0. So next season should be the one to watch, as a starter on his rookie contract will allow them to afford the high-priced pieces they currently have around Geno, making them another Top-5 team in the NFC near to the end of the 2020s.

Playoff probability: 60%

Probable first-round opponent: Philadelphia

Predicted 2024 draft spot: 16th.