Hello there fellow DFO’er. Hope you’re well today. And thanks for coming back to see last weeks tl;dr of last week as decided by my brain. There’s no reason as to why some comments make it and others don’t. Seriously. There isn’t.
This is gonna be me lastest comment post of the year, so gonna mail in the pre-amble, like it don’t most weeks.
Hope that you all have a great 2025. Not sure that I’m gonna do any resolutions in 2025, other than keep doing what I have been doing and keep active.
I’m kinda thinking to change up the format of these, but not sure what to add or subtract, other than just focusing on you, dear reader, so suggestions as to what you’d to see change in the new year are welcome, let me know below. Or not.
As a reminder, Sunday comments stand alone and Monday comments will go on the next week’s post.
Note that during the offseason, I’ll probably look at the Sunday posts.
Without further ado, here are the comments of the week.
Aloha.
blaxabbath
Man, Tucson sure has changed. Climate change is real.
SonOfSpam
Balls In Charge Update:
I’m consumed with power. So far today, I’ve:
1) Told someone that I didn’t give a shit what the director said, do the right thing.
B) Went to Taco Bell and the post office for at least an hour
&) Signed a shitload of requisitions. Christmas has come early!
ballsofsteelandfury
First up, Ghostrider!
yeah right
Start the day with a rattling old woody.
yeah right
Thanks to a glorious 10 game losing streak the Giants sit atop the 2025 draft mountain. Well done, Shoen and Daboll!
scotchnaut
I’ll have to admit I may have thought some or all of the following during the Cards/Black Panther OT game yesterday
-Rare that I get extra time to watch the Black Panthers and not be mad
-You better not throw an INT Young, I swear if you regress and throw another INT I’m gonna rip out your soul
-You better not fumble Hubbard, I forgave you the first time but if you fumble again I’m going to pull a James Cann in that gawdawful movie in the 90s where his RB kept fumbling and…. What was I saying? Oh yeah, the 90s had a lot of horrible football movies, seriously look it up
-Oh great, they converted on fourth down deep in their own territory. Were boned
-Wait, we won? Is that good or bad?
BaldingSpiritually
New Orleans hasn’t been shut down like this since Prohibition
Gatoraids
WCS
My drive home in 30 minutes ought to be interesting. Time to drive like Clarkson rather than May and hope I don’t Hammond.
If you know you know
NotShogunButShogun
Rattler compared to Favre, immediately throws pick.
Yup, checks out!
Doktor Zymm
Next up dick pics and welfare fraud.
clint greasewood
Here is how you can make me watch pro hoops:
Each basket is guarded by a WW2 style pillbox, there are land mines planted in the floor, each team is armed with AK-47s. Make that shit happen and I’ll buy season tickets.
jjfozz
I have similar feelings about yachting. Either give each boat grappling hooks and allow boarding parties, or get that rich boy shit off my TV.
Horatio Cornblower
My New Year’s resolution: I will no longer give advice or input to any of my family members. Every time I want to, I will do a shot of gin. Fuck ’em, they can learn by their own mistakes.
jjfozz
Are you fucking kidding me? There’s actually a guy named Kool-Aid in the NFL?
ballsofsteelandfury
OH YEAH
SonOfSpam
How to pick a fight at Christmas with your Italian wife:
“These biscotti are good, but my grandmother and mother made them better.”
jjfozz
Mrs. Fozz is going to kill you- that’s a given. The thing we should be wagering on, is how/ where is she going to do it? I have five (5) American dollars that sez it’s going to be in the kitchen, with a cleaver.
Gumbygirl
One of our first real bad arguments when we got married was the proper way to cook meatballs. YOU FUCKING FRY THEM NOBODY IN MY FAMILY EVER BAKED A MEATBALL.
Well it went on from there. And it got bad.
“Well, you’re only half Italian so you don’t know better. Since your mother is Irish.”
She didn’t talk to me for days.
Over meatballs.
Just for the record: you fry them.
jjfozz
SoUrry if a re-post:
BeefReeferLives
Yes folks is the annual tradition of getting up early, having breakfast, getting dressed and going to work on Christmas Eve.
I’m feeling really fucking festive about it.
yeah right
Oh shit! I’m no fan of Qaron but him speculating he might get cut by a teenager is hilarious.
https://www.espn.com/nfl/story/_/id/43129335/aaron-rodgers-suggests-jets-release-season
scotchnaut
Redshirt
Best friend and his wife used to have a completely normal house in the daytime on Christmas Eve.
Kids go to bed.
All hell breaks loose.
String the entire inside of the apartment with lights, build every goddamn toy from fucking nuts and bolts.
Mom starts dinner at like 3:15 AM.
They’re drinking wine and tequila and beer the whole time.
And it turned out perfectly each time that I can remember.
yeah right
Goodnight my darling dears. Merry fucking Christmas!
Gumbygirl
Christmas in Napoli
2Pack
/my sons get gag gifts for each other
//two hours later
Me: “What’s the matter son, you’ve barely touched your black dildo!”
scotchnaut
It best be gently used.
WCS
My son just got Mrs. Horatio and I airline tickets to Key West for Xmas. We must have done something right.
Weird that they’re one way though.
Horatio Cornblower
Happy football day to all of you.
litre_cola
Happy Jesus Birthday
Be safe today; don’t call me at work.
WCS
Caller: “Help, my nephew just stabbed my brother!”
WCS 911: “Did your brother vote for Trump?”
Caller: “Why yes he did?”
WCS 911: “Sorry, can’t help you.”
Caller: “Why not?”
WCS 911: “Budget cutbacks from Co-President Musk. Best I can offer you is directions to the nearest Walgreens and a Discount Code for a Trump Bible.”
Caller: “WHAT KIND OF… How much off is the discount?”
WCS 911: “There is no discount. Its only a Discount Code.”
Caller: “WHO OFFERS A DISCOUNT CODE THAT DOESN’T DISCOUNT THE PRICE?!”
WCS 911: “Ask the guy bleeding out. He’s the one who voted for him.”
click
Redshirt
Merry Christmas to my favoUrite imaginary people.
I’m up at the crack of 10:00 am today. I do love being an empty-nester.
Horatio Cornblower
I was up until 1 a.m. drinking with a woman who claims to have introduced Marky Mark and Jeremy Piven to each other (making her responsible for the existence of Entourage) and I’m headed to a Korean church service in two hours. This is going to be a day.
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly
As I do every year, I will remind you all that the true meaning of today is not presents or food or football, but the celebration of the birth of a man who brought joy and meaning to the world and is my personal savior.
So, Happy Jimmy Buffett’s Birthday, everyone! Fins up!
Dunstan
I have to share this, because it’s been two hours…
Lil’ WCS did something right before they left. She created “party favors” out of toilet paper rolls, various loose stuff like plastic gems, pencil erasers, stuff like that as a personal art project. She mentioned Christmas Eve how she had made something to pass out later, but I admittedly didn’t really hear, or understand what she meant at the time. I promptly forgot.
Then, she’s passing them out to all the grown-ups, who mostly feign excitement or whatnot. It’s then the discussion from the night before clicked. She did this just show how much she loves everyone.
She comes over to me after she’s done, and I thank her for being so nice. She says something like, “no one’s really excited. I know it’s just junk. I wanted to do something to be nice.” I did the same thing when I was around her age, and usually got the same reactions. That didn’t click until I was driving home
She has me just sobbing with how loving and thoughtful that was. I hope the reactions she got didn’t disappoint her, because that would be devastating. She just really wanted to let everyone know she was thinking of them. What a kid.
WCS
Five minutes after their mom takes Lil’ and Lil’er WCS home after five days I become a blubbering mess for an hour.
I TOLD YOU TO PUT THE ONIONS AMMONIA AND SAWDUST AWAY
WCS
Haha lookit this guy who cares about his kids, what a sucker!
Good for you, they’ll be glad they have an awesome dad
Doktor Zymm
Lamar’s off to poop.
Beerguyrob
I am glad I don’t have an MVP vote this year, and I’m as opinionated an asshole as there is.
King Hippo
1. Elway
2. Elway
3. Elway
4. Battleship Manning
5. Jim Valvano
You submit the same ballot every year.
WCS
(We’re talking about trips out on the Island)
Madre: And I had that flight of whites.
Hermana: (taking the piss) What, are you anti-woke? White flights? What are you, some kinda racist?
Madre: The reds don’t sit well with me. [She gets sick from red wines.]
Hermana: Yeah, like a racist!
Me: Yeah, look at Andrew Jackson over here!
Aaaand I broke Hermana Weaselo.
Senor Weaselo
Merry Christmas to my favorite people (as a group) (includes relatives).
Hope y’all get everything you want.
SonOfSpam
Happy Chanukah to a smaller percentage of you than believed by Americans surveyed!
BrettFavresColonoscopy
Just pitched a romantic surprise Las Vegas elopement weekend to the MrsPirate on Jan 25 complete with a surprise “pick up a porn star for our honeymoon threesome” video event that will feature on our new OF couples account.
Fingers crossed.
ThePirateSloth
I wonder what ‘Brenna McKenna Fists Her Pussy’ is about?
Horatio Cornblower
Probably a misbehaving feline, though any animal behavior specialist will tell you that punching a kitten is not the best way to discipline it. You need to be gentle.
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly
Of all the games in the annals of the National Football League, this was one of them.
Redshirt
Game Summary:
Later, Taters!
LemonJello
Accidentally put butterscotch ice cream on pumpkin pie and the diabetic shock made me see the lights from “2001 – A Space Odyssey”.
Beerguyrob
Super Special Boxing Day Meal Update:
I roasted the fuck out of the duck, the Taytos were good, prime rib was adequate-both boys were with friends, wifey started her diet three hours before everything was ready out of the oven and I drank so much scotch that I had no appetite for anything other than more scotch. So magical.
scotchnaut
He’s not still salty – Richard Sherman, when asked on the pregame what Pete Carroll could bring to Chicago as their head coach: “Pete doesn’t need a star quarterback to win games. Look what he did with Russell Wilson and Geno Smith…”
Iron sharpens iron.
Beerguyrob
Out of the TURPening in one piece. Kind of stoned from the anesthesia. No really good stories, but a few okay ones.
The anesthesiologist came to visit before surgery. He says, “You’re in to remove a bladder tumor?” No! I was regretting not writing TURP on my belly with a sharpie.
I asked a cute nurse in post-op if I could go #2. She said, “No “. Ooh, discipline! Not really my thing, but…
When they wheeled me from post-op to Observation the room still had a bunch of equipment from whoever was in here before. So we’ve got a traffic jam in the hall with my post-op bed, my new bed, the equipment, and about five nurses. That phrase, “Watching monkeys trying to fuck a football,” never gets old for me.
Surgeon just blew through. He says, “Your prostate was THIS big! -makes fist-. It was creeping up into your bladder!”. Glad I made his day.
I’m in Observation overnight. Kind of a nebulous not inpatient not outpatient things. In theory I should be out tomorrow morning. No really pain, although when I cough from the scratchy throat from intubation it definitely gets my attention.
BugEyedBoo
Dude, you have been through hell, and I must commend you on the sangfroid with which you have written. Here’s to a full recovery (hits the vape) and may all your really good drugs be non-addictive.
ArmedandHammered
lol lightning delay in the Birmingham Bowl 35-13 score
Funny they have to delay a football game because the Tampa hockey team wants to practice; like, there should be a signup sheet or something.
SonOfSpam
THIS GAME THE LIBERTY BOWL I CALL IT DEANNA FAVRE’S HOO-HAH ON HER WEDDING NIGHT BECAUSE THERE IS NOT VERY MUCH D IN IT.
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly
Thanks for showing a lot of us how this dumb sports we love works, Greg Gumbel. You were a staple for American youths watching from 1990-2020. Thanks and RIP.
WCS
Doctor lady shamed me into getting back on my exercise bike. Twice in last 3 days, I figure can increase after I’ve made “every other day” a habit for a month or so.
Also swearing off any and all fast foodstuffs. FUCK EVERYTHING.
King Hippo
I’m apparently feeling maudlin, so here’s a 100% true gas station story.
Guy I work with is dating a girl. Shows up off-shift while I’m working, heading to the beach with his gf and a really cute chick who asks if she can use our bathroom, because the bathroom we have for the public is “disgusting.”
Now, one of my jobs was to clean that bathroom and I would actually clean it, but it was a gas station, it was open to the public, and you could clean that as much as possible, (look, some stains just aren’t coming out, OK?), and 15 minutes later there’s a dead hooker in there and there’s only so much I can do, goddammit.
So I let here use our bathroom, because she’s hot and I’m a 17 year-old dork, and she gives me the eye and smile on the way out and I think I’m all hot shit and then I don’t see her again until we run into each other 5 years later in a bar.
And reader?
I married that chick.
Horatio Cornblower
My left arm is numb. That a good sign?
Redshirt
Someone check on Redshirt
ballsofsteelandfury
He’s fine.
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly
Yeah, it was one of those beneficial heart attacks
Doktor Zymm
Every time Red Zone switches to the Jets game something bad immediately happens to Aaron Rodgers.
Brick Meathook
DARNOLD WITH a 2nd TD pass!!! 🏈
That’s ROCKING!!!!
rockingdog
Wait, is the NFL doing Make a Wish events this weekend?
Mr. Ayo
From Reddit
Jimbo
“I don’t have any more words.”
If only, Colinsworth.
jjfozz
Being a Dolphins fan right now is like Homer and that frozen yogurt.
“The Dolphins still have a chance to make the playoffs”
That’s good!
“But they’ll have to win their last game.”
That’s bad!
“It’s against the Jets”
That’s good!
“But Tua is hurt and probably can’t play”
That’s bad!
“But they won this week without him!”
That’s good!
“Even if they beat the Jets, they’ll still need the Broncos to lose at home”
That’s bad!
“Against the Chiefs”
That’s good!
“Who have nothing to play for and will be resting starters”
That’s bad!
Dunstan
“Michael Penis Jr?”
“No, its Penix, Michael Penis is also known as Ron Mexico.”
This joke bombed in this house. Why do I live with these people???
litre_cola
Early misfire. Happens to all guys the first few times out!
Mr. Ayo
It was just one time! She was from Canada so she didn’t notice!*
*Shut up!
scotchnaut
Tragedy has stricken the sportscasting world twice in one week, we regret to inform you Cris Collinsworth is still alive. Our thought and prayers go out to the listeners
Gatoraids
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Thanks for all the comments and funny and everything else.
Stay busy and safe out there.
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