Your “DFO Super Bowl Hate Week” Tuesday Evening Open Thread

Beerguyrob

Beerguyrob

A Canadian man-child of indeterminate age, he stays young by selling alcohol at sporting events and yelling at the patrons he serves. Their rage nourishes his soul, and their tips pay for his numerous trips to various sporting events.
Beerguyrob

All photoshops courtesy Low Commander

Welcome to the second day of the Second Annual DFO Hate Week™, brought to you by Levonorgestrel, a lack of self-awareness, and Gillette!

Today, we discuss the Patriots. You might remember them from such attempted schadenfreudes as:

Super Bowl XLIX,

and Super Bowl LI.

So, how many rings is that, Tom?

/has small rage stroke


I’m going back a year to quote litre_cola:

The Superb Owl they beat the Iggles has fueled my hate forever. 1 Superb owl appearance in my adulthood and I get that shit burger.

It seems fortune has dealt you another hand, albeit 15 years later, and…oh – what’s that, Al Riveron?

I see. I sometimes forget there are two sets of rules in the NFL.

ESPN tried taking the Patriots down a peg with their ‘insightful’ story about the Kraft – Belichick – Brady dynamic, and all that served to do was make the Patriots look like victims of a cold, calculating media that hates successful people.

Sound familiar?

HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT HAPPEN?! As of today’s date, that article has 1597 comments from a highly aggrieved fan base, each more insightful than the last.

with a sampling of the MAGA crowd’s opinion as well.

But I don’t want to dwell on just the fans, because God forbid you investigate something enjoyed by the Irish.

Good luck starting your car, Seth.


While I’m on the subject of his fucking majesty,

we all agree that there is some shady accounting going on with the Patriots & Tommy’s salary, right? For the 2017 season, Spotrac says Dreamboat played for $1 million, after receiving a $13 million signing bonus, for a grand total of $14 million, an 8.5% cap hit. That tied him for

  1. Joe Flacco, Baltimore, $24.55 million
  2. Carson Palmer, Arizona, $24.125 million
  3. Kirk Cousins, Washington, $23.943 million* (franchise tag)
  4. Matt Ryan, Atlanta, $23.75 million
  5. Matthew Stafford, Detroit, $22 million
  6. Aaron Rodgers, Green Bay, $20.3 million
  7. Cam Newton, Carolina, $20.166 million
  8. Philip Rivers, Los Angeles Chargers, $20 million
  9. Eli Manning, N.Y. Giants, $19.7 million
  10. Andrew Luck, Indianapolis, $19.4 million
  11. Drew Brees, New Orleans, $19 million
  12. Russell Wilson, Seattle, $18.8 million
  13. Ben Roethlisberger, Pittsburgh, $18.2 million
  14. Sam Bradford, Minnesota, $18 million
  15. Alex Smith, Kansas City, $16.9 million
  16. Derek Carr, Oakland, $15.7 million
  17. Andy Dalton, Cincinnati, $15.7 million
  18. Tom Brady, New England, $14 million
    Mike Glennon, Chicago, $14 million

18th among all QBs, tying him with…fucking Mike Glennon?! There is no way Brady is taking a $10 million shave below Joe Flacco without there being some recompense down the road & off the books. Sadly, like with Spygate & Deflategate, the Pats will laughingly give up some draft picks in order to secure their legacy as a dynasty.

But who knows? He has the personality of a robot, which suits management just fine. NO ONE IS BIGGER THAN THE TEAM! Remember,

The most fun player they have is undoubtedly Gronk, whom most of us would admire if he wasn’t playing for such a joyless organization. Yet they have done all they can to tone down his past ‘bro-haviour’, reminded him who the boss is, and made him toe the company line.

No Fun League” courtesy The Daily Economist

The Patriots probably took his sheets away for testing, and then gave them to Aaron Hernandez.


Before I wrap up, let’s discuss the most egregious example of generated Patriots hatred: “The Patriot Way”.

Last year, I referred to The Patriot Way™®© as

A byword for manic attention to detail, scrutiny of rules & regulation for advantage, and summary dismissal for failure to abide an unwritten code.

I defy you to find something that has changed. If anything, this year’s Super Bowl appearance has deified the self-created myth. You’ve got official NFL video hailing it,

network programming lauding it,

comparisons to the other team,

the willingness of local universities looking to cash in on a brand,

and plenty of compliant websites willing to blow the Patriots for “insider access”

which creates word-vomit like this:

As New England readies to face Philadelphia in Super Bowl LII next Sunday, fullback James Develin is at once the most unlikely Patriot and the most likely one. There’s an important distinction there that 1) explains both how Develin went from a spot on Brown’s less-than-mighty Ivy League defense to this season’s offensive Pro Bowl roster and 2) how the Patriots run their football operations. Because what’s improbable is how Develin made New England’s roster and played 65 games for the Pats since 2012. What’s not? That he did.

Really? I’m shocked! They probably only picked him so they could claim they now drafted ‘Brown guys’.

Oh, and if you want to observe how deep the Patriot Way mystique goes in the league, this part involving his agent helping him decide between Tampa & New England puts the sprinkles on the shit sundae,

If Develin signed with Tampa and was cut, his career was likely over. If he was cut by New England, there was a chance that at another team might sign him strictly because Belichick had shown even mild interest.

FACK! Time for an Irish Car Bomb.

Now and forever, say it with me – I HATE THE NEW ENGLAND PATRIOTS!

Beerguyrob
Beerguyrob
A Canadian man-child of indeterminate age, he stays young by selling alcohol at sporting events and yelling at the patrons he serves. Their rage nourishes his soul, and their tips pay for his numerous trips to various sporting events.

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Your “DFO Super Bowl Hate Week” Wednesday Evening Open Thread – [DOOR FLIES OPEN]
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[…] Your “DFO Super Bowl Hate Week” Tuesday Evening Open Thread – January 30, 2018 […]

Unsurprised
Member
Unsurprised

I’d rather have an American School Shooting – that’s where you take as many shots as possible until you vomit and then cry out that Nobody Could Have Ever Seen This Coming.

Anyway, the villain in that Ant-Man and Wasp movie is hot, so of course her costume is full-bodied.

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Unsurprised
Member
Unsurprised

Fuck JK3.

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WCS
Member

Hey! Wifey and I went to Penn!

/are immediately put on Ted Cruz’s “Enemies List”

Wakezilla
Member

On TSN (Canadia’s much better version of ESPN), they’ve been raising awarenes about mental health by doing features on various athletes. They’re all roughly about 8-10 minutes long. They’re worth checking out.

https://www.tsn.ca/tsn-originals

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Unsurprised
Member
Unsurprised

God DAMN!

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Unsurprised
Member
Unsurprised

Babylon Berlin looks interesting. It’s a mystery-thriller set in 1929 Weimar Berlin, so it’s got that going for it. It’s German with subtitles, so it also has that.

Wakezilla
Member

Alex Smith going to the redacteds? That seems like a borderline lateral move, with the Redacteds possibly getting the weaker Quarterback.

On the plus side, that means Cousins is that much closer to become a Browns player!

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Unsurprised
Member
Unsurprised

Nice gif.

Wakezilla
Member

Yeah, I am a YUGE fan of Layla and am saddened that she didn’t show up at the Royal Rumble.

Unsurprised
Member
Unsurprised

This makes me want to do more Indian Giver jokes.

Wakezilla
Member

Why do people have such a hard on for JKIII? He hates weed as much as the GOP hates blacks and poor people and voted against restricting NSA surveillance programs. He sucks.

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Unsurprised
Member
Unsurprised

Name recognition and people love dynasties because they’re stupid.

Wakezilla
Member

Sadly, you’re right. Because when you think about democracy, you think family dynasties! Ufff

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Unsurprised
Member
Unsurprised

Who’s your PM again? 😉

Until Trump got in the race, people spent nearly a decade expecting a Jeb vs. Hillary showdown in 2016. We’ve had two father and son duos as president, a grandfather and grandson, a couple cousins, and Congress is just a protean mass of inbred elite shitheads.

Unsurprised
Member
Unsurprised

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https://gfycat.com/WelldocumentedHastyAgama

That bit at the end is the best. It reminds me of this:

Unsurprised
Member
Unsurprised

Joe Kennedy III is cool with arresting medical marijuana patients and is in the pocket of big pharma, thus opposing people actually having healthcare. So he can go fuck himself with a drum of fentanyl.

Wakezilla
Member

I know! What the fuck is going on with people being in love with this guy?

You beat me by 69 seconds and we said the same thing! . . . Nice.

Unsurprised
Member
Unsurprised

Nice.

You added the surveillance part, but a lot of Democrats still do including Pelosi, which is even more batshit if Trump is supposed to be this treasonous Anti Christ.

Unsurprised
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Unsurprised

Hi.

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Wakezilla
Member

Got dam. They look incredible.

BrettFavresColonoscopy
Member

Just had a great dinner with an old friend. A point back in the LA column after that bullshit traffic. What’s the haps here?

theeWeeBabySeamus
Member

I’ve made food but haven’t eaten it yet, and am looking foar a movie to watch.

Also I’m in a red state on the east coast sooooo….yeah.

WCS
Member
BrettFavresColonoscopy
Member

Holy long ass YouTube clip, Batman. I ain’t staying up as late as Seamus, so that’ll have to be saved for another day.

WCS
Member

“‘Tis,” replied WCS. “But, we deserve it on Saint Swithin’s Day.”

Fronkenshteen
Member

Gonna drive drunk now Good thing I’m not a brown person on that demon weed.

WCS
Member

Not the best idea, but, I’d be lying if I said I never did, either. Just be careful.

BrettFavresColonoscopy
Member
WCS
Member

Yeah, that’s better advice. That didn’t exist back in my day. Excuse me while I go yell at a cloud. Seriously, the clouds are preventing me from seeing the Uber-Ultra-Bizarro Moon tonight.

theeWeeBabySeamus
Member

Won’t happen for us easterners until it’s too light to appreciate anyway.
Go drink some things.

Unsurprised
Member
Unsurprised

Use Lyft. It’s run by slightly less awful people than Uber, who are the fucking worst.

WCS
Member

Hmm… local Yinzburgh sports says there are investors to bring an NBA team here…

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Senor Weaselo
Member

They will be called the Pittsburgh Supersonics, of course.

WCS
Member

I don’t know… Pittsburgh Pelicans really reflects the city’s coastal heritage and wildlife.

Senor Weaselo
Member

Like all the jazz bands in Utah!

WCS
Member

And all the bears in Memphis!

theeWeeBabySeamus
Member

Senor Weaselo
Member

“Where?” -Buddy Cole

Dick E. Phuck
Member
Dick E. Phuck

Young!? Bend, but don’t break!? I wanted a profile of the Eagles defense, not Larry Nassar’s tinder profile!

WCS
Member

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Senor Weaselo
Member

litre_cola
Member

Holy shit. This would be banner-able but we would all need showers. – J Sandusky

theeWeeBabySeamus
Member

Bannered. Presuming I didn’t screw it up.

theeWeeBabySeamus
Member

Hey look…I didn’t. I is smrt. ish.

Redshirt
Member

CNN: “Trump’s cadence is worse than a Kennedy’s.”

Wow. Bold take there.

WCS
Member

Rick Santorum: Still Very Santorumy

SonOfSpam
Member

Full of shit and frothy?

SonOfSpam
Member

I’m reserving judgment until I hear how he pronounces “chowder”

Mr. Ayo
Member
Mr. Ayo

4 year extension with 71 guaranteed for tiny hands? Snyder is back!

WCS
Member

Snyder just signed Trump?!

Mr. Ayo
Member
Mr. Ayo

Making the Redacteds Great Again

Senor Weaselo
Member

Kennedy counters the In God We Trust with an E Pluribus Unum, but will it be strong enough to defeat the Blue-Eyes White Dragon?

Redshirt
Member

Okay. Ginger Kennedy is RFK’s grandson and JFK’s great-nephew.

I can see the charisma.

Gratliff
Member

Well, the left needed its own Eric Trump

SonOfSpam
Member

That was Rosemary Kennedy.

Sharkbait
Member
Sharkbait

Wow.

Well done, but wow.

SonOfSpam
Member

I’d feel bad, but she’s long gone and he’s the spawn of evil.

Spur
Member
Spur

/drops panties