Fortunately it’s my neighbor so he doesn’t screw me with tires that do more than they need to! “Speed rating? It’s my neighbor’s Corolla!” The speedometer only goes to 160, and good luck getting close to that speed on NYC highways, unless you drive a 330i or Challenger or Infiniti at 2 AM on the Belt. (In which case, may your night not go like a Need for Speed game because fuck you in particular.)

Onto divisional round news:

-500s waive WR Diontae Johnson, who was miffed at his lack of touches/snaps. (He played 15 of the 70 offensive snaps and had 1 catch against the Chargers.)

-Sonic & Knuckles: David Montgomery was a full participant in Tuesday’s practice, so it looks like he’ll be locked on against the Commies on Saturday at the Blue Sphere, I mean Ford Field.

-#ThePauls name Tommy Rees as OC.

-Colts named the home team for the NFL’s game in Berlin. I can think of one guy who will not be there.

-AJ Brown likes to curl up with a good book that he brings to the game, damn it! (Seriously, good for him. Also it’s fine with Nick Sirianni which is the important part.)

What’s on tonight?

Early iceball!
-Vichy Whalers vs. Nobody cares until at least this weekend (CAR vs. BUF, in progress, TNT)
-Fun Disks vs. Alexander Supertramp was in over his head and should have never gone, THERE I SAID IT (EDM vs. MIN, 8:30, TNT)

Beginning of NBA caring season
-“Fuck Embiid” vs. No, seriously, fuck him (NYK vs. PHI, 7:00, ESPN)
-This will probably not go well (BOS vs. TOR, 7:30, TSN)
-Steph Curry’s aging ankles dragging this team to make the play-in vs. Anthony Edwards’s Ref-Cursing Jamboroo (GSW vs. MIN, 9:30, ESPN)

What conference is this? (No, seriously, doesn’t the Big XII not exist anymore?)
-Rock Chalk vs. Twisters not in Kansas (Kansas vs. Iowa State, 7:00, ESPN2)
-Seton Hall vs. Butler (7:00, FS1)
-Seton Hall double shot? Oh dear god, you could have come up with a good team. (NCAAW! Seton Hall vs. Marquette, 9:00, FS1)

It’s what we got, even if it isn’t what we want!