[DOOR FLIES OPEN]

"I, frankly, am just amazed that someone from the Patriots organization would cheat!" – Dok

Log In

Request Line: Floridity

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

/

INT. RECORDING STUDIO – DAY

All the lights in the studio are burning brightly.  DJ 3000′ boots up…

…to see HUNTER RENFROW sitting on the couch, fiddling with something. 

DJ 3000′: [sharply] HUNTER!

HUNTER RENFROW: [startled, looks up] Oh, hey.

DJ 3000′: WHAT ON EARTH ARE YOU DOING?

HUNTER RENFROW holds up a UFO-themed fidget spinner. 

 

HUNTER RENFROW: Earth? Sorry, buddy – we’re past that.

DJ 3000′: WHY ARE YOU PLAYING WITH A FIDGET SPINNER?

HUNTER RENFROW: No, check it out, so I had this idea about a sci-fi story, see it starts out…

DJ 3000′: YOU ARE SUPPOSED TO BE ENGAGED IN A PRODUCTIVE ACTIVITY.

HUNTER RENFROW: [glances at the soundboard] Oh, everything should still be in order from last week. Unless maintenance bumped some of the settings.

DJ 3000′: [runs a quick soundcheck] NO, EVERYTHING IS FINE.  BUT YOU HAVE SOME PRETTY IMPORTANT TASKS YOU ARE SUPPOSED TO BE ACCOMPLISHING.

HUNTER RENFROW: Such as?

DJ 3000′: YOUR PROM-POSAL?

HUNTER RENFROW: [sighs, looks forlorn]

DJ 3000′: WHAT IS GOING ON WITH YOU?

HUNTER RENFROW: I heard that Angie Martinez already has a date.

DJ 3000′: SO? WE ALREADY RESOLVED THAT YOU WERE GOING TO ASK RACHEL DUNBARTON! IF YOU DRAG YOUR FEET ANY MORE SHE IS GOING TO JUST GO IN A GROUP WITH THE CLARINET SECTION FROM BAND.

HUNTER RENFROW: I just…haven’t been able to think of anything good.

DJ 3000′: YOU’VE HAD TWO WHOLE WEEKS OF SITTING AROUND THE HOUSE WITH NO DISTRACTIONS AND YOU HAVEN’T COME UP WITH ANYTHING?

HUNTER RENFROW: I know.

DJ 3000′: WELL HAVE YOU AT LEAST COME UP WITH A TOPIC FOR REQUEST LINE?

HUNTER RENFROW: [gulps]

Suddenly…

— [phone line flies open] —

DJ 3000′: OH LOOK IT’S OUR GOOD FRIEND DEUS EX MACHINA I MEAN SEÑOR WEASELO.

SENOR WEASELO: Hi guys! Long time listener, occasional caller. I had an idea for a topic that I wanted to pass on.

DJ 3000′: OH COOL THAT’S SO CONVENIENT THAT YOU CALLED IN WITH IT JUST TWO MINUTES BEFORE WE WERE ABOUT TO GO TO AIR DURING A WEEK THAT HUNTER FAILED TO COME UP WITH ANYTHING ON HIS OWN.

SENOR WEASELO: Uh, yeah.  So I was thinking we could do songs that have absurdly specific or unnecessarily specific and/or florid lines.

HUNTER RENFROW: I don’t know…

DJ 3000′: HANG ON A SECOND SEÑOR, IT SOUND LIKE HUNTER HAS A BETTER IDEA.

HUNTER RENFROW: Um…

DJ 3000′: OH I GUESS MAYBE HE DOESN’T, PLEASE DO GO ON AND MAYBE PROVIDE US WITH AN EXAMPLE THAT WE CAN USE TO GET THINGS ROLLING.

SENOR WEASELO: So I was inspired by the lyrics “I know that I must do what’s right, as sure as Kilimanjaro rises like Olympus above the Serengeti.”

DJ 3000′: AH YES, THAT CERTAINLY QUALIFIES.

HUNTER RENFROW: Man this is going to be prog-rock city, isn’t it?

DJ 3000′: YOU SAY THAT LIKE IT’S A BAD THING. THAT’S A FINE IDEA, SEÑOR WEASELO, AND WE REALLY APPRECIATE YOU COMING THROUGH IN THE CLUTCH LIKE THAT.  LET’S MIX UP SOME GIN-AND-TONICS AND WASH DOWN SOME ANTI-MALARIAL DRUGS, CAUSE WE ARE GOING TO AFRICA!

Today’s theme is “unnecessarily florid or specific song lyrics”.  We’re looking for stuff that’s complicated, nonsensical, or just straight-up pretentious. Please post links as “https://www.youtube.com/watch?04k0pPr3s5!oN” and they should embed in the comments after you refresh.  Last week’s puzzle answer of “Boyz-n-the-Hood” by N.W.A. was solved by BeefReeferLives.  Let us commence the proceedings!

5 3 votes
Article Rating

Leave a Reply

Subscribe
Notify of
82 Comments
Inline Feedbacks
View all comments
ThurberHerder

This is a good topic, but not many songs come to mind for me.

Really what it makes me think of is this ESPN article about Tyron Smith that invokes Inuit mythology

It works like this: We lack the linguistic dexterity to explain the myriad paths of young men who emerge from poverty — or a simple lack of privilege — and achieve riches by playing a game. When words fail us, a creation myth must fill the void, and so the modern professional athlete becomes our Sedna, a massive woman of Inuit legend who lives at the bottom of the ocean, controlling the underworld by providing fish to keep her people from going hungry. Our version of Sedna frees himself from the streets — the temptations, the poverty, the turbulent flow of every Bad Part of Town — through a ceaseless, unquenchable devotion to his sport. Visions of The Escape accompany every rep on the bench press, every free throw in an empty gym. In short, his life is a series of made-in-Akron, Beats by Dre moments.

1
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Major props to Señor Weaselo for coming up with such a fun topic. This is without question the liveliest discussion we’ve ever had amongst/about the individual requests.

4
SonOfSpam

You know who’s not on this post?

AC/DC

0
Gatoraids

For those about to Plymouth Rock, we sa-lute you

1
BrettFavresColonoscopy

I mean, we did a whole unit on this in junior high social studies

https://youtu.be/eFTLKWw542g?si=mNXssSWD_Orrf0ba

3
SonOfSpam

BFC’s junior high Social Studies class:

SYLLABUS

1) Shitty songs from the early 80s
2) Why can’t BFC stop touching himself?
3) Ghana and Togo
4) Greater Western Sydney is neither Greater nor Western
5) That Trump idiot will be president someday

2
BrettFavresColonoscopy

DISCUSS

0
Gatoraids

same beylin, berlin

0
BrettFavresColonoscopy

How about a double shot of Synchronicity

I:

https://youtu.be/Si5CSpUCDGY?si=ZHnQ46OLcbu0PeyT

3
BrettFavresColonoscopy

I feel like Kodachrome should count….

https://youtu.be/8rlDTK6QI-w?si=bGJ-xh1Vv0qhqq1T

1
blaxabbath

I’m home alone for more than a few minutes for the first time in a month. So I’m getting work done.

Man — letting everything back up for weeks is the way to set your table. I’m gonna start making this a regular thing.

0
BeefReeferLives

Whelp, I’m outta here after this one…

As always, thanks for the fun, RTD!!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uZNRzc3hWvE

1
scotchnaut

You get older and you apply a closer eye to the bands that you adored back when. Mike Scott of The Waterboys is a fantastic artist but some of his lyrics are over the top and the post-production can be overwrought. Here’s a great example.

I have drowned in the big sea
Now I find I’m still alive*

And everything came into color
Like Jazz mana from sweet, sweet chariots**

*WTF?
**What The Double Fuck?

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_wthvE3vAOY

Last edited 8 months ago by scotchnaut
1
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Yeah, I love Waterboys but this is absolutely true.

2
Brocky

yesterday was Thursday, tomorrow is Saturday, and Sunday comes afterwards!

https://youtu.be/kfVsfOSbJY0?si=OqrDhM5N11IaFP59

2
SonOfSpam

Most famous Anaheim act, No Doubt or her?

0
scotchnaut

He did it his way with tons of help from Mafia muscle forcing nightclub owners to feature him as the closing act. He’s walking an ironic/pretentious line here.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Qp6D71kQRhA

2
BeefReeferLives

Double Shot!

here’s Frank using some flowery prose to describe all the chicks he’s banged:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TeDfgUvyKHk

Last edited 8 months ago by BeefReeferLives
1
BeefReeferLives

I do really like this song, but just seems a little too “too” at points.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ak_MTXQALa0

4
scotchnaut

I love this tune but to give Al a bit of a break-he was a history nut and this was a self-indulgent song that he tried to hide as the last tune on the second side of that album. He was living in England at the time and was just trying to support his cafe strumming appearances. An American dude that loved his work brought the album back to the US and gave it to a DJ and it went bananacakes from there.

1
Horatio Cornblower

“And in the end the love you take is equal to the love you make”

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=12R4FzIhdoQ

Oh shut the fuck up.

1
BeefReeferLives

“or should I say, she wanted me”

comment image

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Y_V6y1ZCg_8

2
BeefReeferLives

Would’ve loved it Paul would have deadpanned: “Nope. Total bullshit, Chris.”

1
scotchnaut

Pretty much anything by Creed but Scott Stapp oiling up his chest for the “Take Me Higher” finale. Well…

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=J16lInLZRms

1
scotchnaut

She straddled the line between serious and pretentious so often-this is one of the times she stepped over.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-1pMMIe4hb4

5
Gatoraids

not necessarily a song but certainly for album titles Fiona Apple – When the Pawn…. Otherwise I’m too much in the bag for her to nominate songs

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZVkuVOH0MhQ

bonus sexy flexible archer for Extraordinary machine

https://www.youtube.com/shorts/t1-O3ev1VV8

Last edited 8 months ago by Gatoraids
1
scotchnaut

Look at super serious John Mayer trying to play on two different meanings of gravity.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7VBex8zbDRs

0
Gumbygirl

I actually love this one, but the talky part at the beginning-Hail Atlantis, lol
https://youtu.be/9AUEjzVQwKo?si=YcsFAgDo166cxdrP

3
Gatoraids

was not going to go back to Rush again but Roll the Bones ups the talking interlude with a rapping interlude with parallax thrown in

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mmIynF-59YE

2
ThurberHerder

I feel like this is a topic that some off-beat artists are made for e.g. The Bloodhound Gang and Weird Al. Like the off kilter lyrics are part of their shtick

0
ThurberHerder

They’d be absent of any pretension though

2
Gatoraids

yeah bit too intentional unless they hit a Dennis Miller level of convoluted reference by even their standards

1
BeefReeferLives

“Nobody knows ‘oo they were, or what they were doing”

2
ThurberHerder

Until this moment I had thought it was KNIGHTS in White Satin. So that song would have applied, idk about the actual one

1
DJ TAJ

What the hell are they talking about?
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=G5CrU-r55Yo&list=RDG5CrU-r55Yo&start_radio=1

4
Gatoraids

teaaaaaaaaaaa in the saharaaaaaaaaaaa

0
ThurberHerder

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6NIiWU9d1KI

The lyrics reference a rheostat, sounds complicated

2
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Lyrics aside, I’ve seen Andrew Bird perform twice, both times as an opener at the Hollywood Bowl, and he was great.

1
Gatoraids

Pretentious and Florid lets bring out The Smiths, Big Mouth Strikes Again

and now I know how Joan of Arc felt,
as the flames rose her Roman nose and her walkman started to melt

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PtzhvJh9NRY

2
scotchnaut

Smiths Double Shot-they were on an incredible roll so this was brushed under the rug

Frankly Mr. Shankly I’m a sickening wreck
I’ve got the 21st Century breathing down my neck

Also, and this was super cringey as well.

But sometimes I’d feel more fulfilled
Making Christmas cards with the mentally ill.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1dnCitAqPIM

2
WCS

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WfL-UAHcJME

Anything U2 did in the ’90s…

1
BeefReeferLives

Yup!! Pretentious double shot!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RlAODXtt20w&list=RDRlAODXtt20w&start_radio=1

1
scotchnaut

Gah. I really liked this tune but Bono’s journey is far more precious, encompassing and special than yours. You’re just a dickbag that buys his music.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=e3-5YC_oHjE

0
Horatio Cornblower

How about when they downloaded their entire shitty album onto everyone’s iPod?

I listened to two songs and deleted that right the fuck into space.

0
SonOfSpam

I honestly love how much it pissed people off.

“FREE MUSIC??? FUCK YOU!!!”

1
BeefReeferLives

Love Blondie & like this song, but I always thought switching over and singing half the song in French was a bit pretentious.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7VWalYqwKIA&list=RD7VWalYqwKIA&start_radio=1

3
SonOfSpam

Starts with the title. Just some wannabe Pink Floyd crap. But Queensryche were deep thinkers, man, you don’t even know.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jhat-xUQ6dw&list=RDjhat-xUQ6dw&start_radio=1&pp=ygUPc2lsZW50IGx1Y2lkaXR5oAcB0gcJCccJAYcqIYzv

5
WCS

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=g2RJvCFSeK0

Dewey Cox’s acid days were weird.

1
SonOfSpam

Pretty much everything from Yes, but this in particular is eye-rolling (and I like this song)

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IwpB6b6mhUM&list=RDIwpB6b6mhUM&start_radio=1&pp=ygUReWVzIGFuZCB5b3UgYW5kIGmgBwE%3D

3
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

It’s important to be objective; there are plenty of songs I like that absolutely qualify for today’s edition.

2
WCS

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=51fcG3sxvII

Mandatory Tool

1
ballsofsteelandfury

Micah Parsons to the Steelers!

/Redshirt faints

2
BeefReeferLives

Um… Wut?

Well, I guess a team can always use more edge rushers…

0
WCS

/Terry McClauren signs with Stillers two days later

comment image

2
Gatoraids

Little cribbing from poetry but Xanadu by Rush

Xanadu — To stand within The Pleasure Dome

Decreed by Kubla Khan

To taste anew the fruits of life

The last immortal man

To find the sacred river Alph

To walk the caves of ice

Oh, I will dine on honey dew

And drink the milk of Paradise

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SEuOoMprDqg

2
BeefReeferLives

Puzzle song double shot?

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JnC88xBPkkc

Last edited 8 months ago by BeefReeferLives
4
Gatoraids

indeed, tempted to just thread out all of 2112 if i go farther

1
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Got it!

[hands BeefReeferLives a plaque made out of maple wood inlaid with oak]

2
BeefReeferLives

but was it sourced from Norway?

Last edited 8 months ago by BeefReeferLives
1
BeefReeferLives

Woo!

1
BeefReeferLives

I think the title alone qualifies this one. Quite a mouthful to say “Diss track”

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=utZ-r2ESRls

1
Gatoraids

Could add a lot of MF Doom but starting with a “Catch a throat full from the fire vocal, ash and molten glass like Eyjafjallajkull” bar is up there.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WW-9TcDTKa8

0
82
0
Would love your thoughts, please comment.x
()
x