Monday Morning Mock Draft: All Dressed, Father

Guten Tag, drones.

I’m whipping this up at 11:24 pm EST, not because I forgot about it but because out 14-year-old cat deigned to sit on my lap as I watched the USA-Dominica game, (the Dominicans got absolutely hosed on the called 3rd strike, and that umpire needs to be investigated for gambling), and when that happens I simply am not allowed to move.

The circulation is just now returning to my knees.

So let’s make this quick.  This week we draft potato chip flavors.  In order to increase the draft pool the same flavor can be drafted more than once, so long as it is the same flavor by a different brand.  The brands often make a big difference:  Lay’s for instance, although the featured image, makes trash chips that are too thin and that fall apart if you try to put some onion dip on them.

Do better, Lays.

(fun fact, is you take the comma out of that last sentence is the advice the counselor told Brett Favre during marriage counseling)

We are drafting potato chips.  You cannot take Doritos, or Fritos, or tortillas chips, or anything other than a potato chip.  You will anyway, but you can’t and it won’t count.

With the first pick I will take the classic flavor, sour cream and onion.  The brand I will go with is Connecticut’s own Deep River Snacks and, coincidentally, from Deep River, CT.

Kettle cooked and crinkle cut, as God and Sonny Jesus intended.  Also Deep River donates a portion of each sale to charity, (and a different charity for every flavor, which is neat), so you can feel a little less guilty about loading your cardiovascular system with a bunch of greasy salt.

The rest of you are on the clock.

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Brick Meathook

These are great dipped in ketchup:

https://ibb.co/354FnXhN

BugEyedBoo

Serving size: one bag.

Screenshot-2026-03-16-103843
yeah right

Herr’s Red Hot potato chips. East Coast chip. Pretty sure from Pennsylvania.

ballsofsteelandfury

Lay’s Limón.

Holy fuck they’re good and addicting!

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Last edited 59 minutes ago by ballsofsteelandfury
scotchnaut

Going for the nostalgia factor here. Dick Chips in a Box! Hostess had the market sewn up so the only way Old Dutch could make any headway was to give you a shit ton more for the same price.

chip
Brick Meathook

Hey I’m running to Whole Foods to do an Amazon return. Does anybody want anything? You know, some organic shit or something? Last chance . . .

Gatoraids

Zapp’s Voodoo Chips

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yeah right

That’s an excellent choice.

Brick Meathook

The Apollo astronauts brought these back from the moon:

https://ibb.co/mV7mB6tm

obscurejones

Sweet, a little smoky, solid and stands up to a dip. Damn fine chips. Damn fine.

IMG_2383
Sharkbait

Going foreign right off the bat.

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Last edited 1 hour ago by Sharkbait
Jimbo

Ruffles Jalapeño Ranch.

IMG_9457
BrettFavresColonoscopy

I hear they have ridges

blaxabbath

Arizona is going to beat Long Island University so bad that all the dead sharks washing up on the sideline will have Viejas Arena looking like the Port of Kesennuma.

This is my joke after reading that LIU depends heavily (#2 of tournament teams) on 2-pointers and gives up a ton of offensive rebounds. Line is 31

Brick Meathook

Charles Chips in a can! When I was a kid every kitchen and workbench shelf had a Charles Chips can full of something else. Buy ‘em for the can!

As far as I know they make only one standard chip flavor, but if they make more I’m picking the standard one. The regular one.

Also, Charles Chips are from Pennsylvania, and Pennsylvania grows the best potato chips. Idaho grows baking potatoes.

Brick Meathook
Last edited 1 hour ago by Brick Meathook
Jimbo

Wow, an invisible can!

Brick Meathook

There some weirdness with posting this picture. I’ve got my top technicians working on it now.

blaxabbath

Why isn’t there a visible reference scale like other pics?

Brick Meathook

For Blax, despite the fact that there is not a visual reference scale in any other pic:

https://ibb.co/CpT6Sfbx

Last edited 1 hour ago by Brick Meathook
blaxabbath

I meant pics from Brick. You’re held to a higher standard.

Brick Meathook

These are off the internets. I have a can on a shelf in Los Angeles (just there for decor, to make it look like I do something), though I’m currently back east, with no can, but I’ll buy one and get it express shipped in an hour and take a picture. Yeah, that’s what I’ll do.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Pringles Sour cream and onion. I don’t think I’ve had them in about a decade, but I’m sure they still slap as the kids say.

What’s that? I’m being told the kids do not in fact say that anymore, but that these chips do indeed still slap.

Brick Meathook

Really? Was slap ever a thing? Is that like groovy or neato?

blaxabbath

You’re thinking of the at-home Slaps ICE Agents use to keep their families in line.

scotchnaut

Pringles is all that and a bag of chips, funny enough.

blaxabbath

I’ll have some of those Kettle Juh-lap-enos chips.

And a dollar’s worth of mild pepperoni.

823
scotchnaut

/a sales rep for this company did a presentation for our buying group and it went something like this

Rep: “And that about wraps it up-any questions?”

Some Guy: “So these are kettle chips?”

Rep: “Yes, that’s the brand,”

Some Guy: “But are they kettle chips?”

Rep: “No they’re not.”

Some Guy: “That’s a little confusing, isn’t it?”

Rep: “In what way? It’s a Kettle brand chip.”

Some Guy: “Who’s on first?”

/ok, the last sentence didn’t actually happen

scotchnaut

These came on the market in Canada in 1987 thanks to Vickie and Bill Kerr. Damn, they were so good but we can’t have nice things for long so they were bought out by Frito Lay in 1993 and they stopped cooking them in peanut oil shortly thereafter.

salt
blaxabbath

You’re funny and everything but should also be sent to Iran for salt and vinegar.

Brick Meathook

When I first visited relatives in Canada when I was a kid and I watched them put malt vinegar on fries I thought I was on Mars. Now I really like it.

blaxabbath

Yeah. I understand.

To Iran with the all of you!