Monday Morning Mock Draft: Let’s Highbrow This Shit

God, this offseason just will not end.  I cannot wait for Hippo Thoughts to move in here every Monday through the off-season, and not just because it’s always funny, to the extent I understand any of it.

Disturbingly, I am getting to the point that I understand most of it.  Probably not a good sign.

Anyway, the point is that

coming up with a topic for a draft every week.  I mean, it’s not coal mining or anything, but for a dainty-ass lawyer-type like myself, all this typing is giving me calluses on my fingertips, and the thinkin’ part is giving me debilitating headaches, the same kid my clientele usually doles out in low-speed accidents.

Last week we went full-on lowbrow, essentially drafting women with nice asses, with the occasional pork butt thrown in.  This week we’re doing a quick 180 and going highbrow:

Works of Art.

That’s right, is it’s a painting, or a sculpture, it is eligible for this week’s draft.  Yes, there are other forms of art, but I might need them for next offseason so don’t give me any shit, OK?  AND DO NOT DRAFT EMILY RATA..RAJA…RAKA

LOOK, YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN, OK!?  JUST DON’T.  I WILL TURN THIS CAR AROUND SO FAST!!!

-ahem-

/assumes docent’s voice

With the first pick, I shall select Van Gogh’s ‘Starry Night’

I love this painting.  It’s just so cool.  I had a joke in here about how that girl should have taken one for the team and married Van Gogh so he wouldn’t cut off his ear and eventually kill himself, but apparently there wasn’t a girl involved, it was an incident over a possible debt and Vincent being generally, I believe the correct term here is ‘fucking batshit crazy,’ and the confusion stems from him later having the ear packaged up and sent to a brothel.

As one does.

On that happy note, the draft is open.  The rules are noted above.  Your commissioner is Vincent Van Gogh, of course.

Go ahead, piss him off.  He’s got a razor blade and he’s already down one ear.  He’s got nothing to lose.

The first pick is already made.  The rest of you are on the clock.  All artwork in the post is available, including the featured image, except Starry Night.