This is a skinny six game slate, what with the morning tilt and the Browns, Chargers, Seahawks and Bucs on a bye. And it’s week 5 already! (I think I said “It’s week 4 already” last week but whatever)
To The Games!
Titans/Colts:
How much usage is Taylor going to get? And will it matter vs a Titans D that bottles up everyone’s run game? As Hippo noted, the Colts were getting above average play from Moss, a guy that flunked out of Buffalo, at a deep discount. “Strange are the ways of the Irsay” the elders have always said. We’ll see how dynamic this Richardson kid is today-he flashed early in the season and seems to be a different breed of cat.
Saints/Pats:
These offenses, let me tell you. New Orleans’ red zone scoring has been limited to 4 TD’s in 12 tries while New England’s scoring average of 13.8 is 30th in the league and going nowhere. The under on 39.5 looks very handsome to me. Mac Jones has thrown 4 picks already and the Saints have three of their own so look for both numbers to rise today. Weather is probably going to suck as well.
Ravens/Steelers:
Lousy news for Gumbygirl-Pickett is able to play today. He’s sporting a QBR number of 29.3 and I think you get a 26 for not playing-he’s only three points better than my rating. More good news? The Ravens have racked up 15 sacks already. Piling On Alert: Opposing #1 wr’s have averaged 31.7 fantasy points vs Steelers corners.
Texans/Falcons:
Remember King Henry running roughshod over Houston for 200+ yards seemingly every time he played against them? Here’s hoping that Bijan has one of those days in him. Thing is, it looks as though the Texans have got things going in the right direction. In somewhat related news, I’m streaming the Texans D today because Desmond Ridder.
Panthers/Lions:
Here’s a lovely bit of synchronicity-Carolina has allowed at least 20 points in every game so far and Detroit has scored 20 or more in 13 straight tilts. With Amon-Ra out will Jameson Williams break out his first game back? Injuries and a gambling faux pas have limited his career to 9 targets. He was going to be the next great wr out of Bama.
Giants/Fins:
Oh boy, this one is going to hurt. I doubt Saquon plays and even if he did I recall him coming back from a high ankle sprain too early two years ago and he didn’t have any explosiveness or cutting ability. Tyreek should have a monstrous day given that rookie cb’s Banks and Hawkins will be on him the majority of the time. Yikes! Play all your Miami assets and watch the points roll in.
Go get it.
Uhhhh…
https://twitter.com/Y2John84/status/1710017474400256020
2nd worst loss for Bill Belichick since Zach Wilson joined tinder.
This, of course, was the most important football result today.
https://twitter.com/Arsenal/status/1711070229546058089
And one that I am frankly stunned by.
Spectacular second half for the defense!
They are the only reason this season will be any good.
Shades of 74 for us old folk.
1997 when Kordell and Tomczak derped them to the AFC Championship.
Yesssssssss!
T.WATT with a stupid penalty after the play. Douchcanoe.
+1 for the proper use of douchecanoe
The great thing about the collapse of the Patriots is that I get to watch it unfold in real time.
The strangest ever path to 17-10, this.
Miami isn’t the only one beefing up their O stats.
/looks across the border at Detroit
WE HAVE A PARTIAL CRISTOBAL IN YINZBURGH
Now Tyrod is in pain. The hits just keep on coming.
Defenses gone wild
Yes, the Yinzer-Tomlin Bullshit Matrix exists. Burn it all to the ground.
STILLERSGHANTASUPERBOWL
Oh my God!!!
Van Ginkel with a YUGE sack! . . .
Fuck off!
The refs are letting the Giants hang with another bullshit call
They didn’t even show the penalty!
Given enough rope the Giants will only hang themselves.
The David Carridine special.
Defense wins it!
That was seriously fucking impressive.
FITBAW IS GREATEST THING
Woooooooooooihooooooo!
Weird recipe for bananacakes, must be a Yinzer version?
The Yinzer secret is crappy coleslaw, heavy metals, and depression.
Superfund Cakes
Or, George Pickens can just do that.
STILLERSGAHNTASUPRBABWOL
Let me make a prediction:
Canada feels he’s so tantalizingly close to a game-winning field goal that he calls three running plays in a row and gets them out of field goal range.
That’s one
Well I’ll be
At least one of those runs is an Uncle Jack draw from the shotgun without any blockers.
did the fat humps give the wrong rb all that money
wonder how many people panicked and benched Moss this week. Need to trade him before he hits up Eddie Lacys trainer
Baltimore card game
7/16/23
This 10-8 score might be preserved yet
11-10 wouldn’t be Scoregami, but it’s what Mathias Guinea-Bissau deserves.
Do we have a Derp-off in Yinzburgh?
/cues up Yakety Sax
Steelers keep it in safety distance
Okay, the defense deserves a win.
Giants are going to win this game three points at a time.
That’s ballgame. No way Pitt comes back from that.
OR DO THEY?
if he can stay healthy, minshewmania gonna live the american dream and be a solid backup qb for years and years collecting paychecks
Oh dear.
Danny Derps Dead
Does that count as a fumble caused for Pittsburgh?
Zappe Brannigan ahoy
10-5 would be soooooo mathematically pleasing, don’t yinz fuck it up
yinz fucked it up
Screwed on obvious pass interference.
once again the tits sag in the redzone
Question for Yinzer fans: Are the Stillers good? Their offense screams 5-12, but they keep winning games. Is their defense that good?
It’s the Yinzer/Tomlin Bullshit Index.
Yes, the defense is that good. If they can get their shit together on offense, the team can be good.
However, that’s a big ask.
Yeah, Pickett is not very good.
It’s not his fault. The O line is a disaster.
Boooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo9oooooooooooooooo
Hopkins finally adjusting to how much Tannehill will outthrow him
Safety Dance in Yinzburgh!
WE GOT YINZER SAFETY
THIS MOSERT, I CALL MOZART BECAUSE THAT RUN WAS AS GOOD AS The Symphony No. 31 in D major, K
L.P. Steamers
Baltimore, MD
7/16/22
THIS STEELERS O-LINE, I CALL THEM A PICKETT FENCE BECAUSE, WELL, ACTUALLY, THAT’S AN INSULT TO PICKET FENCES THAT ACTUALLY CAN KEEP THINGS OUT!
That’s enough from the Marine Corps contingent, thanks.
Men, OH, MEN! Has is been a whirlwind of a fitbawl weekend at Fortress LemonJello!
A quick-ish recap:
Thursday – Lady LemonJello (survivor of colon cancer, 8yrs clear and counting) got free tickets/parking to Commies vs Bearsenschiesse as part of the NFL’s Crucial Catch promotion. This got us down on the field at halftime, which honestly, was pretty amazing. Unfortunately, this meant we missed all of the 2nd quarter and a good chunk of the 3rd. We actually stayed to the end to watch the group orgasm of the Bears faithful as their club was victorious. And to avoid traffic, which the Commies fans helped by bailing on their team early.
Both of us had taken Friday off, so we weren’t in that much of a hurry.
Fun Fact: here are the jerseys I saw in and around FedEx that WERE NOT playing in that venue: Atlanta, Carolina, Buffalo, Pittsburgh, Jacksonville, Miami, Cincinnati, Los Angeles (Chargers), Dallas, Indianapolis, Las Vegas.
Friday – yardwork.
Saturday – it was Homecoming weekend for TangerineJello so we spent the day with her at Shenandoah, watched a play she worked on sets and props for (Into The Woods) and then got to watch Shenandoah lose to Bridgewater, in a game I would describe as on par with high school football.
Sunday – up and ready for DUUUUUVVAAAALLLLLLL!!!! I may have scared the dog yelling at the team and opening questioning how much Buffalo ball washing Rich Eisen and Kurt Warner would perform live on-air.
All in all, not a bad long weekend.
Congratulations!
(smacks ass HARD)
Penalty on Bredeson?
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uV8TcpRQJCM
THESE MIAMI DOLPHINS, I CALL RAVISHING RICK RUDE BECAUSE IT LOOKS LIKE THEY’RE SHOOTING THEMSELVES IN THE DICK WHICH WILL CAUSE DEPRESSION AND EVENTUAL SUICIDE.
Tua getting community service hours for his charity to the giants today