Pre-Preseason & It Feels So Nice

This is what a local “Cloudy” looks like in July. Reason (1) for liking the current season. (2) is late July being the best time for work (YMMV). Everybody’s gone or taking it waaay easy at work. And calls get less frequent during the week, so jobstuffs (the really soul sucking ones) can get done quicker. Even here, traffic gets manageable and AND: unlike Europe or other “exotic” lands folks visit, there is air conditioning EVERYWHERE in Puerto Rico.

Hope you are handling well the worldwide extreme heat. And before your wiseasses make a crack about PR electrical services, let me just say, and I stake my integrity on this

[clears throat]:

you’ll be surprised about how many other places in this continent have power outages. Yeah, yeah… Din’t wanna get all Oklahoma drill on the strawmen out of the gate but whatever. Because (3) of course is

TRAINING CAMPS HAVE OPENED

The Hall of Fame Game is this Thursday and it is therefore no longer weird to talk about fantasy football in mixed company. “Mixed”, of course, being* NFL heads and folks aware of the Superb Owl commercials.

/* Change next part to “Baptists and Evangelicals” for the GOP DFO. They say you can’t ask for Dark Money back, so 😛 /

Some folks believe in Jeebus and the innate goodness of humanity. I believe the offseason dread is over. And goddammit we’re due: violence! Scoring! Red Zone Channel! Alienating loved ones even more! You think I’m kidding…

Close Inquiring Acquaintance: I think you said… There is a game tomorr—

Me: Three games. First of the three games at 1 PM, and the three games all run together until about 2 AM next morning if there is overtime in the third game. Mmm… overtime 🤤

CIA: 😡

Me: Nine months waiting for this 🤷🏻‍♂️

One thing about playing innocent or the victim: have sharp reflexes or you will get slapped. It’s common knowledge. Ok? Tch.

This is some stuff I’m looking forward to this season.

The New Kickoff Rule

Here’s the official rule, which I found as melodious and straightforward as employment retirement legislation. I’m gonna own up to my ignorance; no way I’m reading all that. Instead, imma default to the Lazy Way and will let the preseason games teach me the new kickoff rule. Unmuting the game announcers to find out about the changes might be necessary. NFL coaches are cagey self-importants. I bet teams will take the equivalent of a touchback during the preseason and save the genius tricks when it matters to steal a win. Oh ueah, ‘cause once you use that play, it’s gonna be copied from Chicago to Guangdong.

Heh, chi.

2024 AFC South,

aka Surly Duff Division in high pachyderm patois.

[Remembers “Touch of Downs” for 27,793rd time🤣😂😅☺️🙃👹].

Well, what I’m saying is this: AFC South, hAWt. First, there is the perennial hype of the London plus Shad Khan plus Trev Lawrence Cerberus of Whelm. I don’t think head coach Doug Pederson is a dummy; ‘24 is his Year 3 and 🎶It’s now or neveeer🎶 for Pederson. Who is not a dummy, I fear. Underestimate him at your peril.

But really most of all it’s all the hype vids and  a whole lotta of Anthony Richardson. And I mean a LOT. Everywhere, hype on all web feeds. LinkedIn excepted I guess, because I wouldn’t know. Why even login? 7th year with the employer you told me you hate? “Congrats! [send]”). Naah. Too Negsh for how happy I feel that the NFL is now for real almost back.

Anyway, Richardson looked like a top #Top prospect at QB for the freekin Clots in all practice videos from this year and the 47 seconds of 2023 game action. In the division, howevah, QB#1 is the Texans’ C.J. Stroud, whom most of NFL media regard as Steve Young Montana Part II.

I got zero bad things to say about Stroud, none. But I have been well acquainted with Texans franchise QBs for years, not just 2023. And let me say, from memory and not emotion: regarding records, Deshaun Watson is a scumbag.

As to Tennessee, nobody cares about the Titans. My only spoiler for the Tits preview: I’m confident on the punting game. Aleluya, toda la gloria a Gamblor.

Lots more stuff about this season drive me to a level of distraction that gets lighter and fresher with every day that the regular season comes closer. And

FINALLY,

the 2024 offseason is over (source:

). Astronomy don’t lie! Can’t wait for the games, actual or otherwise. Woo. Hoo