Hello there fellow DFO’er. Hope you’re well today. And thanks for coming back to see last weeks tl;dr of last week as decided by my brain. There’s no reason as to why some comments make it and others don’t. Seriously. There isn’t.
This weeks cheesy motivational quote is:
We are made wise not by the recollection of our past, but by the responsibility of our future [in bed].
George Bernard Shaw
No glove, no love. Or one needs a recent test to prove they’re clean.
No golfing for me on the weekend, too much chorin to do. Do have a round planned for friday afternoon tho. Woohoo
As a reminder, Sunday comments stand alone and Monday comments will go on the next week’s post.
Note that during the offseason, I’ll probably look at the Sunday posts.
Without further ado, here are the comments of the week.
Aww, not James Earl Jones. I guess 93 years is a good run, but he shoulda been around forever.
SonOfSpam
Redshirt
First day of work for me today, but that doesn’t start for a couple more hours so plenty of time to soak up everything from yesterday! As always, Hippo Thoughts provides the best commentary out there!
Too bad about the Donks, but at least there is a good hashtag for the rest of their season #FixNixPix
Also looking forward to the NFC North being interesting, very much might try to see a game in Detroit at some point this year
Doktor Zymm
HIPPO THOUGHTS ARE BACK!!!!
Debut of Lowratio League and just like its namesake reaching for the good booze in the liquor cabinet, I came up wayyyyyyy short.
And the Jaguras pants-shitting.
Jebus.
Fitbaw is BACK!
LemonJello
It would be great if they got a bit more creative with the sideline interviews
Doktor Zymm
“Coach, that was a pretty tough game. Any particular reason standing out immediately why the team looked so absolutely dogshit?”
WCS
“Aaron, that was a rough one. Can you verify just what and how much of which psychotropic chemicals have you ingested in the past twelve or so hours? How much did that influence the play-action you were trying to set up in the first half?”
WCS
Do you think Qaron and Bosa were discussing how to still get RFK Jr elected or how Rodgers has just come to realize Trump is the way, the truth, and the light?
Bogdanski
Rodgers: “I’m sorry, but I just cannot ignore his obvious character flaw.”
Bosa: “Narcissism?”
Rodgers: “Family.”
Redshirt
The Jets should probably bring in some European players, they’ll be Airbus instead of Boeing
Doktor Zymm
My grandfather is on the left, notice the gigantic nose and the can of Bud heavy – which was probably his 19th of the night
jjfozz
The guy on the right is his brother in law, who partied so hard one Christmas Eve that he passed out under the Christmas tree.
jjfozz
Gisele being invited onto Manningcast by end of season
Gatoraids
she makes out with Eli. leaves him a hickey.
Spur
Olivia calls it a “no-no bite”
SonOfSpam
Perhaps those of you looking for Breece points should have specified that they be positive
Doktor Zymm
You can’t tear your Achilles Tendon on the 4th play of the first drive if you go three and out!
Redshirt
Don T
I’m so very excited to see the regular-season regulars back.
I’m also incredibly grateful to the offseason crew for keeping this place fun over the summer. Special thanks to JD Vance who gave us a good solid two weeks worth of couchfucking jokes to keep ourselves entertained with.
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly
Reply to Rikki-Tikki-Deadly
September 10, 2024 10:31 am
JD’s sofa fetish could join the canon, which according to the Allagash White ranking system, would go something like:
1) Rex Grossman fuck it I’m goin’ deep
B. Rex Ryan how the fuck ya doin’ boys (plus bonus picture of lady feet)
[iii] Trent Green Purple Monkey Dishwasher
IV. The Ben HARF
e. Deanna’s dong disappointment
(bb) BLEERGH
47 – SHANK’LOR (or is it Shan’klor)
[Null] Eli’s juice boxes
83% Boltman (plus femur drums)
xxx/ Jerry Sandusky PaedoState
sin(45) Jerry Jones Yee haw I am fucking crazy!!! (plus bonus hookers)
$7 Fat Jamarcus and the purple drank
10) A.A. Ron doing his own research (minus the family reunion)
I am sure I am misssing a few more classics but I am old and this fucking Amtrak car is too loud and I late for my Skyline chili date with a national disgrace. But RTD is right that you guys all rock.
TL;DR version: This blog, I call it the last game of a pee wee soccer season . . . because everyone has earned a participation ribbon and and orange slice!
Downfield Matriculator
Please do not overlook Lowratio, he really hates when people do that.
ArmedandHammered
New Lawsuit Could Allow Browns to Release Deshaun Watson (msn.com)
This…er, me, I call it the Far Right, because I firmly believe that the Cleveland Browns got themselves into this situation by being reckless and shouldn’t have the option to get out by aborting.
Redshirt
Work takes me down the road and across the border into Croatia next week. Just found out that the city of Zagreb is going to host the conference attendees on a walking tour of the old city. Pretty cool of them. I’ll let you know.
2Pack
Lemonjello: your mission, should you choose to accept it. At the next home game, mosey up to section 431. At row V, around seat 13,look for the inbred cracker family, many of whom have brillo pad/ pube hair, and the skinny guy with no teeth and a huge wart on his face. Discreetly take a pic and post it here. Gumby and I are convinced those people who sat in the row in front of us are still there, 25 years later.
Gumbygirl
Oh god, they’re interviewing a “focus group” of undecided voters. I’m going to want to kill someone.
One woman is talking about how the abortion issue might move her to Harris because she’s tired of men telling women what to do with their bodies. But she “wants to know more.” She wrote her own name in for 2016 and 2020. You fucking absolute clown. Roe v. Wade was overturned because mouth-breathers like you wouldn’t vote for Hillary in 2016. Fuck you, fuck you, fuck you. Uh, but vote Harris!
This is why I can’t work in politics. My utter contempt for the average voter would shine through.
Dunstan
Found a funny:
“giving illegal aliens transgender operations in prison”
rockingdog
I’m going to write an article for DFO. It’s going to be written from the project manager of Noah’s Ark point of view.
What say you?
jjfozz
Shouldn’t it be a pair of articles?
Mr. Ayo
If anyone still considers themselves an “undecided voter” at this point, please switch to Velcro shoes immediately.
Col. Duke LaCross
I was just texting with my father that this debate only matters to the 4% of people who are undecided, and who probably should be under a conservatorship of some kind for that reason.
Horatio Cornblower
If only!
Doktor Zymm
I am so in my element in lowratio league: the worst winner
Bogdanski
Convicted sex predator being showcased nationally on every television in the country: Browns game or Presidential Debate? YOU DECIDE!
WCS
Laura Loomer and MTG slap fighting on Twitter. Yes. Yes.
Unsurprised
Good times.
Col. Duke LaCross
At the gate at LAX. Boarding soon.
I’m trying melatonin this time.
Full report when we land
yeah right
Topical!
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly
How does one say “no más” in Haitian?
https://www.cnbc.com/2024/09/12/trump-rejects-second-harris-debate.html
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly
Trump is such a gigantic pussy that if you roasted him on a spit you could feed a family of Haitian immigrants for a month.
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly
After 6 days of heat in Pedro I’m freezing my ass off in Dublin. It’s fucking awesome. Already adjusted to local time meaning we’re crushing Guinness and Harp at noon local home time.
Cliffs of Moher road trip tomorrow.
This city is a fucking blast.
yeah right
Fc Cincinnati gives you the Skyrosa.
What appears like a cheese Dog on top of a slice of pizza.
litre_cola
That’s just silly, the cheesedog needs to be oriented along the vertical axis so you eat it in the same direction as the slice
Doktor Zymm
“Fuck it, too humid.”
-Dolphins’ defense
SonOfSpam
My wife just brought me mexican food.
The day she gets rid of me and takes half my smokes is gonna be unwelcome.
blaxabbath
Tyreek is proof that SPITE is a powerful motivator.
Unsurprised
This is true, they even made a t-shirt about it, and a t-shirt wouldn’t lie!
Doktor Zymm
“Maybe one of these would help my back feel better”
-Tua T..
“Sure, but also grape baloney loincloth.”
-Trent G.
SonOfSpam
After a 10 plus hour flight to get here I had the genius insight to book a 12 hour bus ride that covered 600 KM, 3 quadrants and 12 counties of Ireland.
Cliffs of Moher was incredible but holy shit can we move it closer to Dublin?
I’m doing nothing by bus for the next 2 days dammit. My ass is sore.
Found a kick ass bar right across the Liffey River from us that’s showing Vikings v Niners tomorrow night at 6 local time.
Bar manager said he would set a TV and save a table.
This island is bigger than it looks but it has the heart to make that insignificant.
Guinness store room and Jameson distillery tomorrow.
Think we’ll start with a full Irish breakfast and all 3 of us are looking at new tattoos on Sunday.
You know how you can tell when someone’s been to Ireland?
yeah right
Wow, absolutely nobody wants to see the Angels play. You can get tickets for $1. You can get great seats for $4. It’s like a December game for the 3-12 Browns.
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly
For a December Browns game, you should get $4, plus a free crack with a crowbar at Deshaun’s crotch.
WCS
Goddamn. We did so much walking today it was fucking insane. We had a tour guide for the Jameson distillary then a walking tour across the river and all over old Dublin to the Guinness store house and our tour guide was pushing us to stay sober.
Two old schools of thought we need to sort out today.
Guinness is served icy fucking cold with a head between 12- 18 centimeters.
It is also meant to be chugged not sipped.
When they serve you a pint in a Guinness labeled glass your first drink is supposed to “Split the G” on the label which means it’s 3 big gulps to get there. Hold it in your mouth for 3 seconds, drink then exhale through your nose.
Your pint glass contains between 3-4 chugs.
This is knowledge dropped from THE FUCKING SOURCE!
Now if you’ll excuse me I’m going to have another 3 chug pint.
Slainte!
yeah right
For 3 solid hours I was . . . happy . . . last night. Springsteen played his motherfucking heart out. One snag: Mrs. Fozz made us late and we did not catch the first line of “Hungry Heart.” My lawyer has informed her we are splitsville.
jjfozz
Special Derp in the US 27 Bowl
Redshirt
Me: (swipes grocery money for poker last night so doesn’t have to stop at the bank. does not win)
(Goes to bank this morning, replaces the money)
Mrs. Horatio: I’m going to a tag sale, I’m just going to use some of the grocery money and replace it later.
Me: I can’t believe you’re so inconsiderate of our family needs. You have a problem.
Mrs. Horatio: Shut the fuck up.
Horatio Cornblower
A sure sign of the season, first peperonata.
2Pack
This waking up without a hangover is something a guy could get used to.
litre_cola
Live look into Horatio’s other tab.
Low Commander of the Super Soldiers
THESE GUYS, THE DALLAS COWBOYS, I CALL THEM ALTAR BOYS BECAUSE THE SAINTS ARE ABUSING THE SHIT OUT OF THEM THIS SUNDAY!!!!
LemonJello
Gee its almost like Rodgers is washed up, the Salah is a horrible Coach and the Jets are the Jets.
Spur
“ARE YOU READY FOR SOME FOOTBALL!!!???”
NY Giants: “No.”
scotchnaut
It’s a good thing that Nix is wearing blue pants. Any white pair of pants would likely be dark brown at this point.
Cecil Rhodes
ah, so we are 2 for 2 in republican voters wanting trump dead, and 2 for 2 in republican voters being useless with guns
huh, imagine that
fleshwound_NPG
The AC is back together, runs fine, and as an unexpected bonus, we have two extra screws we can use for other things!
Horatio Cornblower
The ref managing to mostly keep up on that Jefferson TD is actually pretty impressive
Doktor Zymm
I feel like I have been concussed cause I thought today was Sunday night. Turns out its Thursday…. Work is going to be pissed!
Duchess
“He caught 108 balls last year!”
Buddy Cole: “Gimme some amyl nitrate and I’ll catch 109 by 11:45!”
Horatio Cornblower
Not really sure why I feel like pulling for the Bears, but here we are.
ThePirateSloth
“Pulling for the bears” also describes how Buddy Cole spent his summer vacation
Dunstan
So I’m walking into the care facility and pass by a guy who is talking about how horrible the Commanders game was and I said, “You want to see a bad game? Watch the Ravens.”
Then this potato shaped, needle dicked, assfuck says, “I hope the Ravens lose so many games they quit football.”
I kept on walking, and held my middle finger over my head.
Some people just need to have their face washed with concrete.
jjfozz
Well played
Doktor Zymm
my little sister sent a text to Mrs. Fozz that basically said that even though I’m having a hard time with all the shit with my family, I should be thinking about her struggles.
Oh, ok.
jjfozz
You should reply “I am. It’s one of the few things that brings me joy.”
Horatio Cornblower
Pregame host just said that she’d never encountered anyone like Caleb Williams because he said when he was nine that he wanted to be the best ever.
Yeah, no nine year olds think they’re gonna be star athletes, that’s totally unique.
Dunstan
When I was 9 I thought I was gonna be a mad chemist, so I was half right
Doktor Zymm
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Thanks for all the comments and funny and everything else.
Stay busy and safe out there.
NOTE banner image from here
One of the realest things I’ve heard in a while, and just now, again, is that the parent you don’t want to is the one that lives forever. God Fucking Damn It!
@RTD I downloaded that last Ravens play video. I’ll make the gif tonight
GFDI
Thank you so very very much. It honestly belongs on a “That’s My Raiders!” highlight reel. It’s got to be up there among the top 10 dumbest football plays I’ve ever seen.
No elote? Feels more like blue cornballs to me.
that joke was made the in the thread in the original post
Of course it was.
DJ 3000 and Petunia are drinking a toast to this one:
https://www.reddit.com/r/CombatFootage/comments/1fjhrnh/mushroom_explosion_at_russian_ammunition/
I’m not that excited for world war 3. I finally got my shit sorted into small piles.
Thanks RTD.
Arrived in Zagreb, my last time here was 2002 so it’s been a while. On the drive in I noticed a McDonald’s, Harley Davidson, Dominos and BK. Good hustle there western commercialisum.
Our venue is on the 17th floor of the hotel so nice views.
While still giving a nod to the Tito era.
Nice someone has memorialized the event.
https://www.npr.org/2024/09/16/nx-s1-5113794/tito-jackson-jackson-5-dies-70-obituary
Why would parents name some of their kids Toriano, Latoya, and Rebbie, and others Michael, Janet, and Randy?
I think there may have been something wrong with the parents. Don’t quote me on this, though.
I think we all have a Tito’s era we would like to forget:
Um…you’re welcome?
I guess the comments post is yours now.
/runs* through clubhouse
// I’m freeeeeeeeeeee**
///*brisk walk
////**like anyone is allowed to leave.
Also, dying is against the DFO by-laws.
The local news is announcing that Emily In Paris has been renewed and is showing a 4th season.
In what I’m sure is a coincidence, a front is moving towards us from the Baltimore area, promising wind, rain, and anger.
They have already announced a 5th season as well I saw. The Doomsday clock ticks ever closer to Doomsday.
It’s awesome. Emily’s boyfriend’s ex-girlfriend thinks she’s pregnant but it turns out to be a false positive, and of course she neglects to tell him as much for…reasons. Also Emily’s best friend gets a job singing at a topless bar but doesn’t show off her tits, which is a shame because she has a dynamite body.
I’m going to take your word for it and focus my attention instead on Bad Monkey, followed by Slow Horses.
Now, if Emily’s friend there decides to fully participate in the topless bar’s concept of a plan to be a topless bar I trust you’ll let us know.
I mean the scene includes a bunch of backup dancers wearing nothing but pasties on their nipples, so it was definitely worth glancing up from my tablet for.
When I see something like that or Yanet Garcia wearing pasties under her OF lingerie pics I think they may as well be wearing burqas.