Hello there fellow DFO’er.  Hope you’re well today.  And thanks for coming back to see last weeks tl;dr of last week as decided by my brain.  There’s no reason as to why some comments make it and others don’t. Seriously. There isn’t.

This weeks cheesy motivational quote is:
I’m here tonight to tell you that we are on the verge of a revolution. A kind and empathetic revolution that puts the human being at the center of industry [in bed].
Natalie Kalen (Severence)

I’m all for a better bed and better sleep.

Maestro let us all know that he and Lady Maestro are expecting a baby in November.  In the comments there were a few suggestions on what the name should be, so I thought that we, at DFO, could pick the name*.  The names suggested are below, but feel free to suggest others in the comments
[poll id=”34″]
*not legally binding.

Without further ado, here are the comments of the week.

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So I’m now officially placed on work at home designation. No more wasting 4 hours in my car driving to that rat’s nest of DC. I burned all my pants and am looking for an office chair that won’t stick to my skin.
jjfozz

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Just had someone dial 9-1-1 to ask if the police will get them internet or wifi access.
“Do you need police, or the fire department, or paramedics? Because I can help with that.”
“No, just if police will give me internet.”
“…No.”
“Okay, thanks,” and hung-up.

The public.
WCS

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I just bought a lock-picking tool set online.

I’ve never picked a lock nor do I know any locks that need picking.

But now I can.
Brick Meathook

Make sure you place it with the rope, duct tape, and zip ties in your “dating” bag.
ArmedandHammered

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MRW I’m back in the US after 3 weeks in Australia

Sharkbait

Good news, everything’s going great here!

Horatio Cornblower

The temptation to accidentally drop our passports in Sydney harbour was strong

Sharkbait

HAHBAHS AH SUPPOSED TO BE FO-AH DRAWPING BALES OF TEA, NO ONE DENIES THIS!

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

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It’s honestly quite tragic that there are more options than ever before in history for safe sex, and yet young people are having less of it. My loins weep for them.
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Young people are having less sex and doing less drinking. They also have fewer friends and higher rates of depression.


As xkcd said, correlation doesn’t imply causation, but it does waggle its eyebrows suggestively….
Dunstan

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This [Pats preview] is absolutely wonderful, Maestro.

Best to the family.

Your team [Pats] can still rot in hell though.
yeah right

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Dude, this is one of the sweetest, loveliest things written on this site. One of the rare things I feel like can actually show to Senorita Weaselo and she’ll understand parts of it.

Wishing you two (soon to be three!) all the best, and it’s another mid-November baby! They’ll be in good company.
Senor Weaselo

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You need to see if there is a Senators version of this:

Sharkbait

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So I finally logged in and looked at my team. Auto draft was my friend, I have JaMarr Chase, Lamar Jackson, Jerry Jeudy, and George Kittle. Great picks, several years ago.
ArmedandHammered

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“Which is good, because the team once again sucked Sweaty Tampa Stripper Ass against the pass.”

You say that like it’s a bad thing!
ballsofsteelandfury

Sucking Sweaty Tampa Stripper Ass is how Twbs got his super powers, ppl forget that.
scotchnaut

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Brick Meathook

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Redshirt

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I just made delicious risotto! It should have been enough for two servings, but I am high. I did save a little, I’ll rerun it again with some salmon or something tomorrow night. My kitchen is a mess, but that is a problem for future me.
Gumbygirl

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Missing Parsons Department made me lol

In other news Tommy DeVito got picked up by the Pats. He’s gonna get whacked by the Irish Mob.
Doktor Zymm

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The Blair Witch Island repeat was chef’s kiss
Horatio Cornblower

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A friend of mine, who is a rabid Dallas fan, is on the phone and surprisingly calm about this.

He was sick of the drama, has a list of grievances against Parsons, (doesn’t play the run well, free-lanced when he left like it, etc., etc.), and the only one I kind of agree with him on is that the salary the Packers are paying him would have screwed Dallas in the future, and will screw Green Bay down the road.

He would also like Jerry Jones to have a massive stroke.
Horatio Cornblower

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Off topic:

I can’t say i care for Jerry Jones much. I hope he doesn’t do anything today to raise my blood pressure.
Brocky

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Gumbygirl

Brocky

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Found a funny:

🏈

rockingdog

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Come on, Bearcats! Win it for Dad!
Redshirt

“How does this outcome affect the Leafs playoff chances?”

-My Dead Dad, very probably
scotchnaut

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“I’MMA JUS TRAD DAT SUMBITCH! YYYEEEEHHHHHAAWWWWW!!!”
WCS

A PLAN SO POWERFUL TO BLOW UP THE TEAM WE SHALL CALL IT THE MICAH PARSONS PROJECT.
Gatoraids

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YEEHAW I JUST TRADED MY BEST PLAYER IN PROBABLY A DECADE AND OBLITERATED ALL FAN GOODWILL JUST TO SAVE A COUPLE MILL TO PUT TOWARDS HOOKERS AND BLOW INSTEAD!!!!

YEEHAW I AM FUCKIN’ CRAZY!!!
The Maestro

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As a Wednesdayer junkie, I affirm that this preview RAWKED. And fuck bosses who commodify tasks instead of valuing individual skills, vision, and fucking loyalty by a single human employee.
A toast! To entrepreneurs

/falls off deck barstool
Don T

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Pre-packing for LA

litre_cola

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Sharkbait 2.0 is having a rough time with the jetlag. Putting him to bed has been a four hour event with me and Mrs sharkbait taking turns trying to get him the fuck to sleep.
Sharkbait

Apply the scotch directly to the throat; stop fucking around and coating his gums with it.
Horatio Cornblower

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Found a funny:

RoboCop: about to arrest me

Me: before you arrest me, which of these 9 pictures have cars in them

RoboCop: i’m going to let you off with a warning
rockingdog

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At least they saved the cost of a cremation

Doktor Zymm

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Admin
August 29, 2025 7:45 pm
Good evening from the hawtest event in the worldT: Bad Bunny’s residence 25 mins. walking from my Apt. Warmup act, chickens

PE ERRE ES OTRA COSA
Don T

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Fun Fact: Texas QB1 Arch Manning is related to NFL quarterbacks Peyton and Eli Manning. Wow!
herodotus450

Did you know that some football players once played basketball too?

litre_cola

Only Harvard-educated people know that.
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

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I am at a high school reunion where I didn’t attend but people SWEAR we used to get high out back.
Beerguyrob

I am rolling with it because it keeps the drink tickets coming.
Beerguyrob

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So I finally left. It was a fun night being part of stories I clearly wasn’t part of. People were buying restaurant priced bottles of Grey Goose and doing shots while playing Sabbath and Maiden on their phones out loud. It was an urban bush party for 57 year-olds.
Beerguyrob

Canadians know what’s what.
Beerguyrob

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“Running Into A Crowded Box” is also what I said when I ran into my ex at an Echo Jane concert back in the late 80’s.

(this is a lot funnier when you know Echo Jane was the lesbian band in CT back then. I was there for main act, which for the life of me I can’t remember, but I think it had something to do with the sister of the lead singer for Belly)

(Jokes are funny when they rely on 35+-year-old references that have to be explained)
Horatio Cornblower

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I got a first place (defended last year’s win) for my harvest spice loaf at the big agricultural fair this weekend. Third place for my cornbread. Didn’t place for my challah bread. It was a shit braid and I knew it.
The animals were in top form and I got my Nova Scotia style donair at the best of the Greek food trucks. Somehow there were 5 of them. I’ve met maybe one Greek person in my entire life here.
It was 33 degrees (91 for the U.S. of Trump) and busy. Got some yuzu sake for litre. Not even a single shooting spree. Good fair day.
BC Dick

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Miami-Notre Dame: whoever wins, society loses.

The princess, offspring WCSes, and I had park picnic earlier, and it was sublime. The four best people in the solar system (not DFO-affiliated, of course) on a nice late-summer Sunday afternoon is cheesy, Hallmark Channel crap heap, but it’s MY Hallmark Channel crap heap, dammit.

I love them, and I love yinz.

Now, back to horrific, cynical reality on Labor Day Eve. How’s it going here?
WCS

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Me (watching The U/ND game): Look like altar boys everywhere could learn a lot from this Miami team about avoiding grabby Catholics.

UND Fan (watching with me): Fuck you, but yeah, we’re gonna need the ‘Canes to drink a lot more sacramental wine during the timeouts.

Me: Or may stop Michael Irvin from coking them up on the sidelines while Ray Lewis makes throat cutting motions.

UND Fan: Still not as scary as a monsignor hiking up his cassock — you’d think Freeman would use all available resources.

/I will introduce him to DFO after the game 🙂
Downfield Matriculator

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I wish the Tits all the best this year

Doktor Zymm

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Thanks for all the comments and funny and everything else.

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