INT. RECORDING STUDIO – DAY
All the lights are…actually, most of the lights are out. A single spotlight is pointed at a disco ball on the ceiling, the reflections from which faintly illuminate DJ 3000′ as it boots up…
…to a studio that has remained empty during the entire NFL season and postseason so far. As we watch, DJ 3000”s console flashes the text "TCP-IP connection request sent..." shortly followed by "TCP-IP connection secured...receiving data..." before cutting to the view of the interior of a ventilation duct via Hunter Renfrow’s cellphone camera.
INT. VENTILATION DUCT – NIGHT
HUNTER RENFROW, RACHEL DUNBARTON, and ANGIE MARTINEZ, continue crawling through the dingy ventilation duct.
HUNTER RENFROW: [staring at his phone] Okay, according to the Soscatee High School ventilation system navigation app that DJ 3000′ vibe-coded and uploaded, we’ve arrived at our egress point.
ANGIE MARTINEZ: [behind him] Great! So how do we get out of this thing?
RACHEL DUNBARTON: [third in line] There should be an access panel we can just unscrew, right Hunter?
HUNTER: Yeah, I see it.
He rummages through his pocket and holds an item up triumphantly.
HUNTER: Ha! And you said I wouldn’t have any use for this thing tonight, Rachel.
RACHEL: I didn’t say that you wouldn’t have any use for it, I said that security was going to confiscate it. Which they did.
HUNTER: Good thing I had a holdout piece stashed in the A/V Club room!
As the young women wait, HUNTER RENFROW gets to work unscrewing the access panel. After a couple of minutes it comes loose and falls away. The three of our protagonists wait expectantly for the sound of it hitting the ground, which takes an ominously long time…and instead of a clatter, comes in the form of a splash.
HUNTER: Ah, nuts.
ANGIE: What was that?
RACHEL: Was that…
ANGIE: I smell chlorine.
RACHEL: Are we at the pool?
HUNTER RENFROW peers out the access panel, then looks back at the young women and nods.
RACHEL: DAMNIT!
ANGIE: How high up are we?
HUNTER: Maybe twenty feet.
CUT TO: INT. SOSCATEE HIGH SCHOOL SWIMMING POOL – NIGHT.
We are now looking through the school system’s security camera feed that is being monitored by DJ 3000′.
HUNTER: [into his cellphone] DJ 3000′, can you hear me?
A few seconds pass, and then…
DJ 3000′: YES, I’M HERE. SORRY FOR THE LAG, PROCESSING POWER IS GETTING A BIT SCARCE AT THE MOMENT.
HUNTER: What gives? Your navigation app said we could get out of the vent here.
DJ 3000′: YOU CAN.
On the security camera video feed ANGIE MARTINEZ’s head pops out of the ventilation duct access panel.
ANGIE: You said this was twenty feet, this is more like forty!
DJ 3000′: FORTY THREE AND SIX INCHES, TO BE EXACT.
HUNTER: Thank God we’re over the deep end, at least.
RACHEL: Are we going to have to jump?
DJ 3000′: YOU PROBABLY SHOULD, YES. YOUR ASSAILANT HAS ENTERED THE VENTILATION SYSTEM AND APPEARS TO BE APPROACHING YOUR POSITION QUITE RAPIDLY, ALMOST AS THOUGH THEY WERE COATED IN GREASE OR SOMETHING.
RACHEL: Grease? Hunter, didn’t you say that your cousin Hazel used to work at…
ANGIE: [interrupting] Fuck it, I’m not dying in some dirty ventilation duct. At least this way I won’t go out covered in dust.
ANGIE MARTINEZ thrusts her feet out of the access panel, wiggles along on her stomach, and ends up hanging by her fingertips from the edge. She swings athletically and times her release so that she descends right towards the geometric center of the deep end of the pool.
HUNTER: Oh right, I forgot she was on the gymnastics team too.
ANGIE MARTINEZ does a double somersault in pike position on the way down.
RACHEL: …and she’s also on the diving team in the spring.
ANGIE MARTINEZ lands with a minimal splash and surfaces, looking back up at the other two.
ANGIE: At least they keep this pool at a bearable temperature. Come on, you two!
HUNTER RENFROW and RACHEL DUNBARTON peer over the edge nervously.
HUNTER: Got any words of inspiration, DJ 3000′?
DJ 3000′: DATABASE QUERIES ARE NOT AVAILABLE RIGHT NOW. IN FACT, I NEED SOME INFORMATION FROM YOU. SPECIFICALLY, A TOPIC FOR REQUEST LINE.
HUNTER: I don’t have time to…
DJ 3000′: [stepping on his line] FINE I’LL COME UP WITH SOMETHING MYSELF. IN REFLECTION OF YOUR CURRENT PREDICAMENT, LET’S DO SONGS ABOUT LOOKING DOWN FROM AN ELEVATED POSITION. I’LL GET US STARTED WITH A SONG FROM THE MANCHESTER BAND “JAMES”.
Today’s theme is “Long Way Down”. We’re looking for songs about looking down from an elevated position. Please post links as “https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tPr4t(h3Tt33rd” and they should embed in the comments after you refresh. Last week’s puzzle of “Rooster” by Alice in Chains was immediately requested by WCS, but apparently the lurid nature of the clue (“…here comes the rooster…”) was too much for everyone’s prudish sensibilities and it was solved by NO ONE! Drop your requests in the comments below!
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