NFL News:

• And the first NFL off-season arrest / Crimebeat! story of 2017 goes to… Adam “Pac Man” Jones!
  • Sorry to those of you who had Vontaze Burfict in your pool. So close!
  • “Assault, disorderly conduct, obstructing official business, and something called ‘harassment with a bodily substance,’ a charge which was brought against him after he allegedly spit on a nurse at the jail.” (Deadspin)
    • he may have also headbutted a cop. CHUH CHUH!
  • “His bond was set at $37,500, and the Hamilton County sheriff’s office said Jones will remain jailed until a blood test can be performed Wednesday.” (ESPN)
  • “If this is anyone but Beerguyrob, you’re stealing my bit!” (TRREM)

• Sounds like punchable-face owner Jed York has hit on a winning formula – dismissive passive-aggression!
  • “I own this football team. You don’t dismiss owners,” he said, conveniently forgetting he wouldn’t be in this position if Uncle Eddie hadn’t run afoul of the wrong people.
  • On the mess-he-made front, San Francisco has requested to interview Patriots offensive coordinator Josh McDaniels and director of player personnel Nick Caserio, because they’re looking to hire a tandem that can work well together.
    • Also because Christy Canyon & Amber Lynn haven’t worked around football players in at least a decade.
  • It reminds me of Shakespeare:

Now is the winter of our discontent;
Vainglorious destruction by this son of York.

• Speaking of teams that need both a starting QB and a head coach, the Bills are going to interview Frank Reich for their head coaching vacancy.
  • Other names on the Bills short list are interim coach Anthony Lynn, Arizona Cardinals offensive coordinator Harold Goodwin and Carolina Panthers defensive coordinator Sean McDermott
  • Reich previously interviewed in 2015, but lost the job to Rex Ryan.
    • With Rex gone, he can now safely get one foot in the door.
• On the Rex front, it appears he got fired when he did because he asked the owner directly if he’d be back next year.
  • During a usual weekly conference call with Ryan, owner Terry Pegula and GM Doug Whaley, Rex asked to speak privately with Pegula. Whaley left the call, and when he contacted Pegula later he was informed by Pegula that Ryan was gone.

• The Texans have announced that Brock the Rock will start against the Raiders on Saturday.
  • Because Tom Savage is in concussion protocol and probably thinks he is the Macho Man.

• Blake Bortles has “no idea” if the Jaguras will activate his fifth-year contract option for 2017.
  • Based on his 2016 play, he should fumble it at the NFL Annual Meeting in March and see if anyone will recover it.

Finally, the 2017 Opponents lists were released. Due to my season ticket status, and because I like to share the misery, here’s who the Seahawks get next season / what I’ll be subjected to watching:

• Home: Arizona Cardinals, Los Angeles Rams, San Francisco 49ers, Philadelphia Eagles, Washington [Redacteds], Houston Oilers Texans (?), Indianapolis Colts, Atlanta Falcons
• Away: Arizona Cardinals, Los Angeles Rams, San Francisco 49ers, Dallas Cowboys, New York Giants, Jacksonville Jaguars, Tennessee Titans, Green Bay Packers

Boy, there’s incentive to hold onto my seats – the “best” of the AFC South and the worst of the NFC East. I think I might be able to convince my wife to vacation in Phoenix, New York or Appleton. If there’s no protest outside the stadium when Washington comes to town, Seattle’s changed, man!

They should at least finish 6-2 at home & 4-4 on the road, so 10-6 is the NFC West record to beat for 2017.

Have a gander for your favourite team.

A new year brings new tastes. This month’s “Malt of the Month” is Tomintoul 16 Year Old. It’s a Speyside Glenlivet, so it won’t feel like you’re drinking charcoal from a bog fire. Tomintoul is “a young distillery in Scottish terms, only built in 1964 by whisky-broking companies Haig & Macleod and W&S Strong”.

Let’s take a look at your vitals, Miss January:

Known as ‘the gentle dram’. Aged in bourbon casks, it’s rich, nutty and spicy with notes of almonds, vanilla and a buttery texture. The distillery may be one of Speyside’s lesser-known producers, but it produces some cracking whiskies such as this which offer great value for money.

Not my particular taste – a Lowland fan m’self – but it might appeal to a discerning palate.

Tonight’s sports: (national broadcasts only)

NO FOOTBALL ANYWHERE?! Oh BLEERGH, why has’t thou forsaken us?

• NHL:
  • Sabres at Rangers – 7:00PM | NBCSN
  • Kings at Sharks – 10:00PM | NBCSN
• Basketball:
  • NBA: Raptors at Spurs – 8:30 | Sportsnet
  • College:
    • Wisconsin at Indiana – 7:00PM | ESPN / TSN
    • North Carolina at Clemson – 7:00PM | ESPN2
    • Mississippi at Florida – 7:00PM | ESPNU
    • Texas A&M at Kentucky – 9:00PM | ESPN / TSN
    • Kansas State at Kansas – 9:00PM | ESPN2
    • Oklahoma at TCU – 9:00PM | ESPNU

Here’s how Jed sees himself:

“My conscience hath a thousand several tongues,
And every tongue brings in a several tale,
And every tale condemns me for a villain.”

I prefer to think of a different quote for Jed from Richard III:

“…I clothe my naked villany
With odd old ends stolen out of Holy Writ;
And seem a saint, when most I play the devil.”

I never thought I’d feel bad for Niners fans.

NEVER MIND!