Unless you’re in a lesser league that actually has a championship in week 17 when playoff-bound teams are resting their stars or getting them off the field as quickly as possible, your fantasy dream of winning a non-existent-in-real-life trophy begins for serious today. I’m not under much pressure in one money league, having finished 9th and all but in t’udder one I’m up against the #2 seed who takes this stuff far too seriously. I’ve pondered it for a bit now and I’m going to do it-I’M STARTING WORLD ACCORDING TO GARPOLLO OVER CAM! I figure that either way I’ll have a tale to tell to whatever disinterested sap I corner at the next family get-together. Kidding! Why would I talk about that crap IRL? TO THE GAMES!

Ind/Buf: The Bills rushing O is ranked 8th and rb McCoy should have no problem getting going against a Colts team that gave up the ghost well before Halloween. Qb Peterman is back to distribute the ball equally between both teams.

Chi/Cin: This one looks like a keeper. This tilt is between the two worst offenses yards per game-wise in the whole of the league. Maybe TruthBiscuit will pass more than 12 times!

GB/Cle: The Pack can say they’re in the playoff hunt at 6-6 with the Cowboys and the Lions despite the fact that Seattle and Carolina are 8-4 and Atlanta sits at 7-5. I guess YA GOTTA BRIE-LIEF! The Brownskis are running out of chances to insert a 1 into the W column.

Oak/KC: Flag-heaving cb Peters is out for this battle of the .500’s. Wr Cooper is still out as well but Crabtree is back and should be matched against not-quite-in-game-shape-just-yet cb Revis. Can qb Carr get his first win at Arrowhead?

Dal/NYG: Eli is back in the saddle again-can he be the next Rocking Horse Winner? D.H. Lawrence says the odds are slim. But who knows, maybe the Giants players have a little “Fuck You, McAdoo!” tucked away in their arsenal.

Det/TB: The Leos have frittered away a comfy 6-4 record by losing their last two. Qb Stafford’s hand was not able to dodge a Ravens’ cleat last week but Fatty has been avoiding questions about his damaged appendage all week long. Apparently he practiced on Friday so the Jake Rudock Era will just have to wait for at least another 7 days.

Min/Car: The Keenum/Thielin combo has been quite the revelation this year and rb Murray is starting to reap the benefits-he’s tallied over 75 yards rushing over his last 3 outings. The Panthers have won 4 of 5 but the sked (Saints last week, Minny today) is doing them no favours whatsoever.

SF/Hou: 2-10 vs. 4-8? No thank you! (Go Jimmy, Go!)

Tap away Gents/Ladies.