A New Day on the Plantation (2018 Black Panthers Preview)

Yes, my hometown side has traded an antebellum, ass-pinchy owner who liked to be addressed as “Mistuh” with a Yinzer who made fun of an aspiring Fuhrer (who, not uncoincidentally, also likes to be called “Mister”).  Dunno how much that will translate to immediate on-field improvements, but it has to improve the front office atmosphere for long-term health, at least.

/players are, however, immediately allowed to act 15-20% more black!

Pre-season Week 1 was mostly dominated by coverage of the silly slap fight between Cam Newton and Kelvin Benjamin (the latter of whom sounds kind of like an asshole).  Frankly, most of Newton’s “accuracy issues” can be traced, in my view, to lots of ridiculous “playing hurt” since the Super Bowl loss.  Again, piss-poor management.  Without Newton, the Black Panthers are basically Overseer/local security company pitchman Kuechly (because white folks keep u SAFE!!) and a thimble of warm spooge.

I did not like last year’s first-round draft pick Christian McCaffrey, and while I will admit he’s a good pass catcher – still was a reach in the Top Ten.  He’s a scatback, and not the kind that makes a German all hard.  I did not like this year’s first round draft pick D.J. Moore (out of noted footbaw factory Maryland), though he showed decent open field ability last week.  Basically, CAR is throwing volume at the WR poisition and hoping something sticks.  But when that volume is “highlighted” by Torrey Smith and Jarius Wright? Jesus fookin’ wept.

Donks organizational soldier C.J. Anderson is in town to do the dirty work ahead of the white boy’d glory (some things never change), and I think he might still have a few good seasons left in him yet.  But this squadron is fantasy death, unless you think Greg Olsen can somehow stay healthy this year.

The schedule is very, very manageable, which is the best thing going for this group.  But I just don’t see it, frankly.  This squadron reeks of 8-8, with much more downside than upside.  Get rid of Marty Hurney, come back and we can talk again.