Saint Patrick’s Day or as we like to call it Jameson Appreciation Day, has long been celebrated in the “right” household. My mother’s grandmother was a first generation Irish immigrant and I have an Irish flag tattooed on my left shoulder. And while I prefer bourbon to Irish whiskey, I can drink some Jameson and Bushmills with no issue at all. Yes, we do the Americanized version of St. Paddy’s Day by drinking Guinness, Smithwicks and whiskey while cooking corned beef, potatoes and cabbage. The oldest daughter will make some homemade soda bread and if the gathering is larger than normal I will also make an Irish stew that contains lamb, a bottle of Guinness, carrots, potatoes and pearl onions. I’m trying to get the granddaughters into the Irish stew thing but they think it’s a wee bit gamey.

Yes. I know.

Residents of Ireland don’t really consume much corned beef and it’s only on their menus for tourist reasons but that doesn’t mean it isn’t Irish in origin. Quite the opposite in fact.  While originating in Great Britain, the bloody English started the “corning” or curing process of meat for long term storage and shipping capability and the rest of Great Britain joined along. There are some scholars that think the popularity of corned beef actually worsened the effect of the Irish Potato Famine, since much of the land that had previously been used to grow crops was turned into pasture land for the grazing cows due to the high demand of corned beef in Great Britain as well as during the Atlantic Trade era (Fucking Americans, man!) thus reducing crop land that could have been used for other crops.

The original version of corned beef was cured with just “corns” of salt, think of a larger grain of salt, but without the use of nitrates and the resulting product was a rather off putting shade of grey. Goddamn Brits will eat anything regardless of appearance. Nitrates were later added to give the meat a nice but completely fucking unnatural shade of pink. It’s still pink to this day! Yay nitrates. Corned meats are popular all over. The Canadians have “Montreal Smoked Meat” which I’ve had and completely enjoyed – serve alongside poutine!  – the Jewish folks adapted it to become pastrami (Oh God! Langer’s Deli pastrami is life altering) and the Brits still dabble with their grey version.

One final note about the origins, the Irish still associate corned beef with peasant food and don’t regularly consume it. This was odd because during the hey day of corned beef production many in Ireland couldn’t afford it due to high demand oversees. Uh, sure.

What I’m trying to say here is let’s make some goddamn corned beef.

I’m going to give you a couple of options here. The traditional option as well as my very own made up option that will change any negative opinions about corned beef to a very positive one.

Around St. Patrick’s Day the supermarkets start running their corned beef specials. I remember seeing packages of corned beef going for around .59 cents per pound. It’s now around 1.99 per pound when on sale and I usually stock up. Three at least. A couple for the gathering and always one extra for homemade corned beef hash. This is because my corned beef hash is a motherfucking force of nature. Some pre-cooked potatoes, some corned beef, some onion, garlic, red bell pepper, salt, pepper, thyme and a couple of over easy eggs on top?

Fuck me, I just made myself hungry again.

Corned beef comes in two cuts, both from the whole brisket. The “flat” is the more lean part of the brisket while the “point” is the fattier end of the brisket.

Both are solid choices but the point is a little fattier thus imparting more flavor. Actually these days it’s more of a challenge finding the “flat” cut due to the rising popularity of brisket in general. You know, Texas style brisket or Jewish style brisket. I do love me some motherfucking brisket.

Here’s a couple of slabs of packaged corned beef right here, both of these are “point” cuts.

The traditional preparation may very well be the easiest fucking meal you will ever make. Open the bag, put the meat in a dutch oven on your stove top, cover the meat with enough water to fully cover, add the contents of the provided seasoning packet, put on a lid that is slightly askew and cook on a low simmer for about 3 1/2 hours. About 25 minutes before meal time add in your cut up potatoes and cook for 20-25 minutes. Remove the cooked meat from the pot, cover with foil, turn off the heat and toss in some cabbage cut into wedges. Let the cabbage sit in the meaty juices for about 3-5 minutes, remove all and serve everything up. Always cut against the meat grain so the meat doesn’t have a tough chew or just falls apart. I like to serve mine with a grainy mustard and/or horseradish. I will actually create some menu items just so I can use horseradish. It’s a gift from the gods.

When prepared the traditional way here’s what it looks like while simmering.

A vastly superior version gets a nice rub of whole grain mustard, sprinkle the spice blend on top, wrap tightly in foil and cook on 300 for about 3 1/2 to 4 hours.

I try to use a course grainy mustard to get as much flavor around the meat as possible. Here’s what I’ve currently got on hand.

The reason I do both versions is because you need the juices from the boiled version to cook your potatoes and cabbage in. The roasted version is vastly superior meat but you have to have the boiled potatoes, there’s just no other way around it.

I guess I didn’t really give a recipe did ? Hell, let’s try:

1 packaged corned beef for every three people.

1 potato per person, peeled and quartered.

1 head of cabbage – trust me it’s more than enough

Ask a guest to make soda bread (I don’t have my daughters recipe)

1 6-pack of Guinness per person

1 6-pack of Smithwick’s per person

1 bottle of Jameson

Download the Uber app for your ride home.

Even my angel fish Wanda enjoys St. Paddy’s day!

Shit! I already told you how to make both versions didn’t I? Oh I almost forgot, rinse the corned beef that you will be coating with mustard and roasting, it is pretty goddamn salty in the oven. The boiled version just requires that you open the bag and dump everything in a pot.

Hmm? What else?

Nothing really. Make this, drink and be safe out there. It will be one of the easiest meals you’ve ever made.

céad míle fáilte!