Your “ONE WEEK UNTIL THE DRAFT !!!1!1!!!” Thursday Open Thread

FINALLY, purpose has come back to the NFL. The first round is a week today, and none too soon for the starved fetishists of the Commentist Party. SO MUCH INTRIGUE!

• Who will be picked first?
• Are there any more trades to be made?
• How will the 49ers screw up their pick? How will they blame Jim Tomsula?
• Whose draft hobo is crazier – Haslam’s or Jones’?
• Oh god; the Broncos are sticking with Sanchez, aren’t they?!
• Is that blood or BBQ sauce on Andy Reid?
• He can’t be that happy to be going to the Jags?

As usual, my only interest will be how loud the boos are for Roger Goodell, and who attempts to squeeze the life out of him when they walk on stage. Oh, and seeing whether I’m a better prognosticator than Peter King.

Dallas already has their board wrecked, since Demarcus Lawrence is in line for a four-game suspension after failing a drug test. Josh Gordon thinks that’s weak game. Nice of them to release the info on 4/20, although I doubt it was for the ganja.

Anybody got a clue why the Panthers would rescind Josh Norman’s franchise tag? Sure, $14 million is a lot, but he does his job fairly well, and I don’t think Luke Kuechly can keep up with ODB. Various sites and speculation are just focused on cap space, but I think the DeMarco Murray experiment in Philly is foreshadowing for someone looking for a check, not a chance. Besides – Chip Kelly isn’t signing another black guy to a big contract; he’ll be too busy running Kaepernick out of town.

Odds & Ends:

Since my mother informed me about this, I wonder if Michael Strahan moving to “Good Morning America” means he’ll have to give up his FOX gig? [“Robert? Did he play for the Giants when you went to Green Bay that time it was so cold your beer froze?] It’s one thing for him to be on a syndicated program like “LIVE!”, but GMA is a network show broadcast by a company with hard ESPN ties. Erin Andrews is his co-anchor all week, while Kelly Ripa is off sulking, and she has jobs on both FOX (sideline reporter) and ABC (“Dancing With the Stars” host).  There are some interesting issues that come out of this, the least important of which is, is ABC telling Keyshawn and Cris that they don’t draw in the ladies?

The ESPN story by Wright Thompson on Tiger Woods is just bonkers. His attempt to be SEAL Team Six-Under-Par is the craziest part. He draws a pretty good comparison to MJ and the baseball experiment. It also attempts to explain what led to all of the cheating, which I will never fathom, mostly because I hate my old man. Here’s the section most people are referencing:

The sexual bravado hid his awkwardness around women. One night he went to a club in New York with Derek Jeter and Michael Jordan. Jeter and Jordan circulated, talking with ease to one beautiful woman after another. (Both declined to comment about the episode.) At one point, Tiger walked up to them and asked the question that lives in the heart of every junior high boy and nearly every grown man too.

“What do you do to talk to girls?”

Jeter and Jordan looked at each other, then back at Tiger, sort of stunned.

Go tell ’em you’re Tiger Woods, they said.

If you have a little time to kill, or you’re dropping the browns off at the super bowl, it won’t waste your time.

Sports: Tonight’s playoff action has the potential for two teams exiting the Stanley Cup race. Go Blues! The NBA’s first round isn’t done until May, so no worries there yet.

NHL: 

• Pittsburgh @ NY Rangers – 7:00 (Penguins up 2-1)
• Detroit @ Tampa – 7:00 (Lightning up 3-1)
• Anaheim @ Nashville – 8:00 (Predators up 2-1)
• Chicago @ St. Louis – 9:30 (Blues up 3-1)

NBA:

• OKC @ Dallas – 7:00
• Toronto @ Indians – 7:30
• Golden State @ Houston – 9:30

Finally, remember that, in all things, you must become a prince before you’re king anyway.

I’m not crying; it’s the weather. RAIN HARDER!