Hard Ride To Nowhere (Chapter 127)

Beastmode Ate My Baby - October 30, 2020October 28, 2020

The scene: That maze of cliffs and winding pathways known as the Taboo Region. Near one of the cliffs stands a giant robot, some 50 feet tall (15.24 meters for our Canadian friends, or 100 Horatios in HRTN measurements). It stands alone and unmoving, and Horatio Cornblower, Moosemas Gorilla, Otto’s Brain

Hard Ride To Nowhere (Chapter 126)

Hard Ride To Nowhere

Beastmode Ate My Baby - October 23, 2020October 22, 2020

The scene: A jungle island somewhere in the Pacific. BFC is pulling the overladen life raft ashore as Jerry munches on the last of the Thin Mints and Gumbygirl puts two waffles in the toaster. BFC (huffing): Y’know, I could really use some help here. Jerry: Oh, sorry, man. You remember

Hard Ride To Nowhere (Chapter 125)

Beastmode Ate My Baby - October 16, 2020October 14, 2020

The scene: The Pacific Ocean. BFC and Jerry are currently swimming in the middle of it. Their swim is not of the recreational nature, however, as A) They are fully clothed, and B) Several hundred yards behind them a cruise ship is sinking into the blue waters. Jerry (swimming): What? BFC (also

Hard Ride To Nowhere (Chapter 124)

Beastmode Ate My Baby - October 9, 2020October 6, 2020

The scene: The infernal reaches of Hell, where damned souls scream in eternal torment. Some of them, anyway. Honestly, most of the ones screaming are Karens venting their ire at the demonic hordes and demanding to speak to the manager. Which really sucks for everyone else, because they have to

Hard Ride To Nowhere (Chapter 123)

Hard Ride To Nowhere

Beastmode Ate My Baby - October 2, 2020October 1, 2020

The scene: The DFO clubhouse, present day. Doktor Zymm is inside, wearing a mask and goggles, and accompanying her are Steve the Ninja (also wearing a mask because, duh, ninja) and Man in Plaid #2’s Head, who doesn’t need a mask since he’s a highly advanced android. Or rather, he’s

Hard Ride To Nowhere (Chapter 122)

Beastmode Ate My Baby - September 25, 2020September 22, 2020

The scene: The Wasteland of the post-apocalyptic future, where Brocky is hard at work, filling in dirt and rocks beneath the wheels of Doktor Zymm’s RV, which is stuck nose-first in the sand after it crashed into the desert. Brocky had previously spent some time digging PK out from under

Hard Ride To Nowhere (Chapter 121)

Beastmode Ate My Baby - September 18, 2020September 16, 2020

The scene: That terrifying location within the Wasteland known as the Taboo Region! Specifically, the bottom of the cliff where, until recently, a giant spider had been menacing Moosemas Gorilla, Horatio Cornblower, Otto’s Brain (who are all stuck in webbing) and Future Clone Lynda Carter (who is not). Horatio Cornblower: It’s...gone? Future

Hard Ride To Nowhere (Chapter 120)

Beastmode Ate My Baby - September 11, 2020September 9, 2020

The scene: The second floor of Doktor Zymm’s RV, where Brocky is currently waking up. He’s slid out of his bed and onto the floor, which evidently happens now and then as he shrugs it off, puts on his pants, and combs his hair. Yawning, he stretches his arms and

Hard Ride To Nowhere (Chapter 119)

Beastmode Ate My Baby - September 4, 2020September 3, 2020

The scene: The parking lot of that massive center of consumerism known as Iguana Mart. Beerguyrob has a megacart full of stuff and is currently looking in dismay at the empty parking spot where Doktor Zymm’s RV was before Future Clone Debbie Harry stole it (and Rikki-Tikki-Deadly). Covalent Blonde is

HRTN Special: The Boys of Summer (Part Three)

Beastmode Ate My Baby - August 28, 2020August 25, 2020

The scene: The clear skies over the Pacific Ocean, where a vintage DC-3 twin engine airplane flies a scant 500 feet or so above the blue waters. Stoner Pilot: It’s easy flying from here, man. Like, we’re gonna unload all that Hawaiian grass and be on E-Z street. Stoner Co-Pilot: Oh,

HRTN Special: The Boys of Summer (Part Two)

Hard Ride To Nowhere

Beastmode Ate My Baby - August 21, 2020August 21, 2020

The scene: A lush tropical paradise! Actually a clearing in the midst of the tropical lushness, with a corrugated steel hut, a hastily-constructed workbench, a still and The Maestro. The Maestro is currently hard at work on the still, since failure to do so might well result in an unhappy

There’s Safety In Safeties: Your Seattle Team Preview For 2020

Beastmode Ate My Baby - August 20, 2020August 19, 2020

Cookiethulhu here! It seems as if Beastmode Ate My Baby was supposed to do this year’s preview of the Seattle football team, but he decided to bugger off for parts unknown instead. Quite rude, I must say. So with the assignment pending, I offered to step in and write it up