Instant Hippo Thoughts – Divisional Round, 2024 Season

Last Days of Disco, indeed.  And even in matches where my preference is only mild - all *my* sides take it up the poop chute. Pour one out for the 500s, boned by The Narrator in Kansas City.  Then the poor Fuck LioUns, where Baby Buster did some...unfortunate things, both before

Instant Hippo Thoughts – Wild Card Weekend, 2024 Season

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YEEEHHHHHAAAAAWWWWW, Wild Card Weekend means SIX games now, not that they all lived up to any sort of billing. Very briefly recapping Saturday, the 500s started horribly, then flipped on a dime and ass-blasted Clippers du Merde, 32-12.  A Scorigami and everything!  Houston springing to life could have maybe inspired the Yinzers

Instant Hippo Thoughts – Week 18, 2024 Season

Well, this here is the last marathon, until next season (absent the heat death of the universe, which I think we'd all welcome). As a departure, let's start with the ending - the only game with real stakes, Minny at Detroit.  I honestly didn't know what to expect.  Vikes have the

Instant Hippo Thoughts – Week 17, 2024 Season

Do you like terrible, no-stakes FITBAW?  Boy howdy, did the last NFL Sunday of 2024 have a treat in store for YOU! How shitty are the Cowpersons, really?  Tanner Motherfucking McKee outscored them on this balmy afternoon.  Saquon stayed in until he broke the 2000 mark, as the N-GCp went dirty to

Instant Hippo Thoughts – Week 16, 2024 Season

Whew, Uncle Teddy is back.  I know y'all missed his handsome mug. JV fixtures were all bad, and the NFL proper slate looked...less than promising.  Oddly, Black Panthers/Qards was maybe the most competitive (while still resembling professional FITBAW) early matchup.  As Balding Spiritually noted, Charlotte's finest led 20-3 and 30-20, and

Instant Hippo Thoughts – Week 15, 2024 Season

Another week of cray-cray, let's get right into it! Ideal 7/5 window is marred by the raw sewage quality of those early seven.  But as always, some entertainment to be found in odd corners of the FITBAW-verse. 500s/LOLfins was the one game with two decent teams and reasonable stakes.  Did you know

Instant Hippo Thoughts – Week 14, 2024 Season

I hope everyone enjoyed their December FITBAW.  I ended up sleeping a lot, so mind the gaps (PHRASING). Almost all of the quality early came from the AFC East.  Q-aron finally had a throwback statistical performance, leading his charges to 23-15 and 26-23 Q4 leads that his defense could not, would

Instant Hippo Thoughts – Week 13, 2024 Season

Meh, I slept through the entire 4p window.  No regerts. Did anyone predict an 82-point game in Cincinnati?  With the Stillers on the other side??  But that's what you got, a 44-38 Yinzburgh win, with Charmslinger topping 4 bills (3rd time in career).  Stick a fork in the Bengals, for reals

Instant Hippo Thoughts – Week 12, 2024 Season

A bad/light slate on paper, it didn't have any qualms about going plaid.  HARD. Naturally, with the path to success wide open and with a bed of rose petals...the Commies face planted.  Not only did they struggle to get the offense untracked, they also gave up 27 to the goddamned Cooper Rush

Instant Hippo Thoughts – Week 11, 2024 Season

Welcome back to this week's recap of our brief hellscape respite.  Stupid 8-3 split, but at least my late window boredom makes for good writing conditions.  That and drugs. Noo Yawk's football Jest didn't make a first down until inside the first half's 2-minute warning.  Despite this stone age start, they

Instant Hippo Thoughts – Week 9, 2024

Holy cats, there was SO MUCH FITBAW.  At least it felt that way to my poor, leaky brain.  Like the Greatest Living American reminded us, after today we've gone halfway through the regular season.  Anticipatory depression can go ahead and start blueprints, at least.  The banner pic is because all