Instant Hippo Thoughts – Week 16, 2025 Season

This week, a personal first – ah don’t recall a full slate of 1p window games EVAR all final before 4:05 kickoffs.  Shit, it’s rare even Week 18, when all the late ones are 4:25.

Not that anyone really was hoping for those cabbage farts to linger.  But STILL.

Looking back at the Saturday night thread, a new entry for Divisional HATE-o-rama.  My oldest kid (Donks homer) and her boo (Raiders fan) actually, intentionally watched the Chefs at Tits fixture, to revel in Kansas City’s misery.  And boy howdy, was it ever misery.  For the first time since WEEK FUCKING NINE OF LAST SEASON, DonT’s magnificent Tits popped out for a home win.  26-9, too.  An absolute laugher, even accounting for Minshew’s first half death.  I look forward to this overwhelmed rookie from South Dakota State facing the Orange Rush (their preferred nomenclature, not Hippo’s) on Christmas Night.

Poor Vertically Enhanced Persons.  They looked to have a pick six in Q2…but were flagged for LINING UP offside.  Even so, their defense put seven on the board (later in the same quarter), sack/strip/killing JJ McCarthy, running it back for the score.  And they still lost, 16-13.  At home.  That’ll leave a mark.  Their Great White Hope, Jaxson Dart?  Completed his FIRST forward pass inside the 2-minute warning.  For the entire game?  7/13, 33 yards, and a pickerception.  Yeah, the supporting cast ain’t great, but come the fuck on.  Minnesota, also out of the playoff picture, gimp to the road win.

Oh, #ThePauls.  Y’all had the chance to fair catch free kick at the end of the first half, but played it boring.  Still somehow got into FG range, then muffed the hold.  At 23-10, and with lone bright spot (RB Judkins) gruesomely breaking his leg, it looked like that wouldn’t matter.  But Bills Mafia let their attention wander, and that lost FG turned out to represent the winning margin, 23-20.  Don’t worry, Shedeur Sanders remained (and will remain) terrible, you don’t have to alter your basic view of reality.  Just be wary of thinking BUF has turned (or can turn) the corner.

One game had legitimate tension/stakes for both teams, as the Black Panthers dug deep and held on for the 23-20 win over the MRSA Men.  Fittingly, it ended with a horrid Mayfield pickerception, inside the CAR 40 with 42 seconds remaining.  My body was already preparing for Extra Time.  Instead, it was time to type as this division will stay in doubt through Week 18.

No stakes whatsoever in South Florida, which was MOAR fun for Joe Burrow than it was for…Quinn Ewers?  SERIOUSLY??  It was Border Patrol, smashing quotas left and right.  It got as bad as 45-14 (after the LOLfins once led, 14-10), before a garbage time TD for the 45-21 final.  Maybe they’ll fire McDaniel after all?  They are gonna SUUUCCCCKKKKK in 2026, as they eat Tua’s ridiculous contract and try to clear their salary cap hell in one swoop.

One does not expect Clippers and Cowpersons in the early window, but we got a 34-17 ex-BOLTMEN!! win anyway.  Mein Gott, is Dallas ever terrible/hopeless.

New York’s alleged FITBAW Jets decided to stick with the Brady Cook experiment, and crashed into those famous Louisiana mountain ranges.  With 3rd and 4th string RBs (and Taysom Hill), the Saints absolutely cornholed the visitors, 29-6.  Hippo noticed fuckshit else.  SO SUE ME.

That leaves four in the late window, of various levels of interest (other than DET/PIT, which the LioUns lost because they suck now (much to Hippo’s chagrin).

DIngleberry in the Desert!  With Drake London back!!  And of course, he shit his fucking pants.  At least he did to start (7 for 18??), but ya know how the Qards be.  Up-fucking abounded, and Sherman’s Ashes took a 19-16 lead.  Don’t know what happened after that, because I turned RedZone off around 6:30 Hippo Standard Time.  Qards lose, 26-19.  And nobody noticed, let alone feel nuthin.

Game of the Day in Colorado, Donks and Jaguras for the inside track on the 1 seed.  Prison Girlfriend and pals even got Florida(ish) weather, to make them feel at home.  Not that I needed to feel any queasier, but this reminded one of a verrrrryyyyyy bad Hippo Day, when the top seeded Donks lost at home to Mark Brunell’s career day, ruining a playoff run while I was at law school.  I got so map that I mopped the kitchen (I absolutely DESPISE mopping, and have not done so since that day).  Duuuuuvvvvvaaaaallllll’s men led 17-10 at the half, but I was quietly confident.  Indie rock queen PJ Harvey almost immediately tied things up, and perhaps I felt smug?  But then came the Parker Washington show.  That dude fucked our shit up, and fucked it HARD.  I left the tablet feed up even at 34-17, but mostly out of laziness (and how mad can one reasonably be, when they’re still 12-3 on the season, and playing with house money?).  Fully deserved 34-20 win.  Just have to tip one’s cap.

Finally, two franchises streaking in wildly opposite directions, Raiders at 500s.  But you remember when Vegas would have random weeks when they were REALLY spunky?  This was such a week, maybe even harkening back to Oakland days.  Astonishingly, they even took a 14-13 Q3 lead, on an insanely well-designed wheel route to Jeanty.  Jeanty would later break a big run to pull within 23-21.  Stroud stepped up and kept the drive moving, eating all of the last 5+ minutes of game clock.

I don’t wanna stay up and watch P*ts/Ratbirds, so I ain’t gonna.