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The Maestro - April 23, 2020April 22, 2020

20

So Johnny, what are your draft plans this year? Well, Jim, I can tell you this: the highest-ranking Ohio State player on the board whenever possible. Bastard. They didn't even make the Playoff this year. Oh, and you guys did? That's news to me. Haven't even won a bowl game in god knows

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The Maestro - April 16, 2020April 6, 2020

8

Jim, I'm out of game tape to watch. It's a travesty. I decided that since I've now watched literally all of football in the history of the sport, I had time to go back and balance some of my accounts dating back to my grade school days. You owe me...

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The Maestro - April 9, 2020March 30, 2020

46

This corona thing feels like a stalemate this week, Jim. It's affecting all of us - hell, even my own productivity is down. Speaking of stalemates, Johnny, did you know that since overtime was added to NFL rules in 1974, there have been only 25 games that ended in a tie? What

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The Maestro - April 2, 2020March 24, 2020

51

John, I'm so bored. This corona stuff sucks. I feel you Jim. It's getting to the point of re-watching old games just to feel something. Anything, really. Remember Super Bowl XXIV, Johnny? Sure do, brother. Montana's finest game. Those Broncos, man. What a shitshow. Took a long time to recover from that. Just like Paraguay in

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The Maestro - March 26, 2020March 19, 2020

9

John, gotta say: all this virus stuff is making me think we might not get to be out there on the gridiron for quite a while. I'm worried too, brother. What's it gonna take? I mean, you know better than anyone that I've spent days at a time in the film

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The Maestro - March 19, 2020March 18, 2020

32

Jim, what's the deal with you these days? Why haven't you been up working out with me at 4 in the morning like we normally do? Ah, Johnny, it's the damn dogs. Wife thinks she's got corona, so it's been up to me to take 'em out for walks. No excuse,

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The Maestro - March 12, 2020February 20, 2020

3

[source] I'm concerned about all my guys' offseason training regimes, Jim. I don't think they're listening. John, it's always harder with the pro guys. At least you can always have the looming possibility of scholarship loss if your guys don't follow along the menu of pure grizzly bear blood and raw eggs. You

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The Maestro - March 5, 2020February 15, 2020

4

Hey, John - you know anything about emus? Big, dumb, stupid, but fast. Kinda like your average Raiders draft pick at receiver, I guess? OK, good to know. I once heard from one of my spies monitoring Urban Meyer that he was thinking about recruiting one for special teams. I'm kinda thinking

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The Maestro - February 27, 2020February 13, 2020

9

Jim, I want to cut you a deal. Next time we have a family touch football game, I promise I won't chop-block you in the kidneys... Deal. ... more than four times. John, if that's the kind of deal we're brokering, I promise I won't steal your gallbladder and pancreas when you have

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The Maestro - February 20, 2020February 11, 2020

17

Jim, I bet you're getting excited for your spring game already. Nothing like a little in-team offence vs. defence rivalry to get the blood flowing on a new season. You said it, brother of mine. I will say that the one downside is that they won't let us incorporate fireworks into

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The Maestro - February 13, 2020February 6, 2020

23

I did it, John! At last! You won't believe it! Did what, Jim? I cured one of my players' painkiller addictions. With just my mind.  Bullshit, Jim. You definitely did not. It's true! All I had to do was offer him a vacation to China if he stopped popping pills. We have a booster who's

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The Maestro - February 6, 2020February 4, 2020

17

Niners lost the Super Bowl again, Jimbo. How you feeling? The booby traps worked! I knew that the homemade Bluetooth-enabled fireworks I rigged up in the Shanahan kid's office would do the trick to destroy only the fun parts of the playbook. Yeah, Jed York was pretty pissed about the damage to